Just Because My Mind is Open Doesn't Mean My Sex Life Is

It all started at book club. Crazy book club. Where suburban moms really let their guard down and talk about things. Like sex. And Bodily Functions. And Plastic Surgery. And Strip Clubs. And Celebrity Fantasies. Are you stunned? Intrigued?

Topic in June: Swingers. We were talking about the amazing multi-tasking, heroic, wife and mother that can find the time and energy have sex daily for years. A TV show about swingers came up. (And yes, we eventually discuss the book). Most of us had not seen the show. Moving on. Or so I thought. With eyes on me M said very seriously, "Katie, L (husband) and I thought you and Kevin were swingers when we first got to know you." Uh, WHAT? Laughter. Shocked looks. Laughter.

I begged and pleaded for an explanation as to what we had done that would give the swinger impression. M wasn't sure. She just "thought so". I was surprised but found it quite humorous. Out of all things I have considered (Brad Pitt in my bed is one) that was never on the list of things I would like to do before I die. I think most of the girls found it funny. No one else expressed their agreement that I give off a swinger vibe. Maybe they were just being shy, trying not to attract attention should I invite them over for a playdate....

I drove home that night asking another friend M (MK), "what makes a person seem like a swinger?" She said she thought couples that went to parties where they separated and mingled. And they were very friendly. Check. I go to parties. I don't have to stand next to or hang all over Kevin. I mingle. I talk to men and women. I even smile and show interest in what they have to say. Sometimes I even hug them goodbye - GASP!

July's book club came and we reminisced. Remember that time M thought Katie was a swinger?? Ha ha ha ha.... I laugh too. I do not take offense easily. Laughter at my expense is still laughter, which makes for a good night out with the girls. So we laughed about it again. Did I even think about clearing it up? No, I assumed it unnecessary. I shouldn't have assumed. A says, "Well, you never answered the question." Oh, I didn't know that I had to. So I did. No. I am not a swinger.

Three martinis later I arrive home. My wit and sarcasm were sharp. I was on fire. I jump on facebook to update my status to "Kevin and Katie are NOT swingers in case you were wondering. Stop asking.". I laughed at myself. No one, except my book club friends, would know what I was talking about. I waited. Suprisingly, my rhetoric drew only a few comments. Did everyone find this believable? Casually browsing other's status updates a day later, I noticed my name. A friend (unrelated to book club) used her status line to write "I don't believe for one second that Katie and Kevin K(full last name) are NOT swingers." Now all of her facebook friends were left wondering. Maybe they'll be calling... I was laughing the whole time. But I wasn't done wondering why I would be singled out as the swinging type.

So I turned to my friend N. In one of our email exchanges my status line came up. She mentioned that she could see how someone would think that. She went on to say she had never thought it but if she had learned about it she would not have been surprised. I knew she was the perfect person to ask why. She is always 100% honest with me and able to articulate her theories. Her answer? "I think you come off as very open. Not lewd or kinky. Just open."

Well, people THAT is why I wasn't offended. I am happy that I come off as open-minded. So now you know. If you are a swinger you are safe with me. I will not judge. I might study you so I can learn more about the personality characteristics of swingers. For now, though, my sex life is only to be shared (verbally) with book club.

No, I am sorry. We are not accepting new members at this time.