Feeling Ferguson

Yesterday a Missouri grand jury decided not to indict an officer for the killing of an unarmed black youth. Personally, I am tired of innocent people dying at the hands of the people that are supposed to protect and SERVE. I am left to conclude, after countless news stories, that the profession of police officer is attractive to narcissistic and power-hungry people with pent up anger and aggression. Generally. I know there are people that go into the field hoping to protect and serve ALL and generalizations and stereotypes are what got us into this mess, so let's drop them all together.

A white police man killed an unarmed black teenager. That is the problem and it's a real one. There is a lack of understanding on our part, as white people, about what it is like to be a black person. The anger and pain that the black community is feeling isn't just because of Michael Brown's death. It seems simplistic to say, but the looting, the burning, the overwhelming anger comes from the culmination of mistreatment of blacks at the hands of whites - violent deaths and traumatic shaming, among others. The pain of their ancestors is passed down through the generations, and added to it are the oppressive stories of people they know personally, and the fact that it doesn't seem to stop. They are a terrorized people, never knowing when life might turn on them. Will it be while walking through their own neighborhood, into a store, sitting in school?

I don't profess to be any kind of expert on race relations. What I do know a lot of, though, is love and humanity and how we feebly, often poorly, attempt to share a world with people that we don't completely understand. It is unfortunate that our shared humanity doesn't take precedent when we look at each other. We see differences before we see similarities, we judge right and wrong based on our culture, religious beliefs and upbringing - we forget our shared humanity. But rather than wrap the sad Ferguson outcome in a ton of philosophy, I'd like to share where my heart is today.

• I'm sad that a mother lost her son.
• I am tired of police brutality.
• And that too often the two go together.
• The cycle of violence needs to stop and all parties are ultimately responsible for the laws they break and crimes they perpetrate. If our system can't hold a person responsible for their crime, karma will. Something will.
• I can feel the grief of an entire group of people, not because I am immersed in it, but because I can imagine what the continued oppression would do to my kids and I if we lived it.
• Imagination doesn't compare to living it.
• What can I do? What can you do? What can we do?
• I don't want to read another race relation quote from MLK, Jr., Nelson Mandela or Maya Angelou on Facebook that isn't followed by a personal statement. Yes, they are posted by well-intended white people. Let's stop having hard conversations using quotes in place of words and lets speak our own minds. How does Ferguson make YOU feel?
• Facebook can make anything of importance seem one dimensional and artificial. 
• I think it's hard for white people to speak about black lives - we don't want to piss people off by saying the wrong thing. We really don't have a clue what to say, but until we admit we don't know (our regurgitated quotes can't save us from our ignorance), we won't learn and we can't grow.
• I'm not claiming that I know that Facebook is where the conversation stops for people posting quotes. Hopefully, we white people are sitting down in groups asking how we can create change - formulating a plan and putting it into action. Maybe we are sitting our children down and telling them the story of Trayvon and Michael and the countless others and how unfortunate it is to be black in this country. Maybe we ask them what they can do to create change.
• What can I do? For the love of all people, what can I do?
• I must find a way to meet anger with compassion, brutality with understanding (grasping at grace with this one), fear with love, and hate with courage.
• It will be hard for me to ever understand why Darren Wilson killed Michael Brown. I don't care to debate the so-called reasons, they will never convince me. How can a man shoot a child that posed no threat to said man's life? I don't know, but I do know that the breed of man that could do such a thing is deeply misguided - which is unfortunate for all of us. That said, I can have compassion for his upbringing/learned hate and fear, but in our society a person pays for their criminal misconduct in prison. He will not be and that is not okay.
• I can't expect our nation, with its undercurrent of fear, to make changes immediately when faced with the fallout of an obvious wrong action. I do expect that we will not let Michael Brown or Trayvon Martin's memories fade when cable news finds another top story. 
• Their deaths have led us to a potential pulse point in history - a very important place in time when we have an opportunity to learn, grow and change. We must raise our consciousness around race, violence and its effects in order to turn the tide. We have to admit that we all fail our human family when we turn the other way, judge a child, or allow violent and abusive behavior to continue. 
• We fail our children when we don't listen to them or believe them. The bullying, shaming and abuse perpetrated against our children in school, at home, out in the community - it happens and it is real. We need to stop these hate-driven crimes if we see them. *every child = our child
• Our personal history of pain gets in the way of everything we do and until we work on peace and love within, we will be incapable of sharing it. This sounds like a platitude, but it is the greatest and most profound spiritual teaching that I know of. Where you find anger, fear, insecurity you will find aggression, judgement and unhealthy competition, all of which lead back to Ferguson.
• I don't have the magic fix for the issues in Ferguson or Florida or Michigan. The best I can do is be love, see our oneness, act in the face of brutality and care for my community. I can also vote, write letters to politicians, organize a peaceful protest or vigil and use my voice.

As a nation, we have a lot of things backwards and there are many things I would like to change. I will say, though, my greatest wish would be to live in a country that truly embraces a life of freedom and justice for all. It is our unalienable right, right?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Birth, Death and Living In Between

Yesterday was a day of life and a day of death. At 6:00 am I woke up to a message that my neighbor was in labor - the message was left at 4:00 am. I was supposed to be present for her home birth to offer support in the form of energy healing. I dressed quickly, ran over to their house, opened the door to find mama in the birthing pool in the middle of the living room and dad snuggling his new baby girl. A happy scene. I took some pictures of the newly expanded family and left them to nuzzle on their beautiful baby girl. Life.

I went to work where I received a text that my high school boyfriend's mother had just passed away. I was conflicted about whether or not to attend the funeral, send a card, do nothing, etc. My mind poured over all of the scenarios, giving me no clear answer on what to do. And then, Robin Williams. Dead of apparent suicide. Stunning. Sad. An amazing man. Yes, wonderful comedian. Yes, famous actor. Yes, recovering addict. For me, though, there was a perspective that was missing - a potential part of him that was not understood. There have been great tributes to the actor/comedian Robin, articles on mental illness, sharing of the suicide prevention hotline, Hollywood reactions to his death. I have read a lot of them. Not one article or tribute has contained the words that I want to hear. Need to hear.

Addictions or not, mental illness or not, famous or not - Life Is Hard. Especially for those of us that feel everything. We have our hearts on the pulse of life and the peace of death. The knowing, that some of us have, that we are here to learn lessons and live life as fully as possible until we are met again with the open arms of amazing grace and unconditional love, is both what keeps us going and what can also make death less terrifying than living. To be born into a world of feeling is to live with one's heart open to both unquantifiable love and immense pain. Life does not take it easy on us. It gives us challenges cloaked in relationships, feel-good chemicals, the duality of love and hate/good and bad, and religions to further confuse us about our salvation. Many of us crawl through life terrified of the future, angry at the past. Others choose to live big, embrace the adventure, ride the roller coaster. And some of us timidly take on challenges that excite us when we succeed, and anger us when we fail. Any way you live it, life leads to death. You can't avoid it.

I walk through this life in two worlds. I live in the physical world - a world with my family, friends, bills, violence, temptations, politics, beauty, kindnesses, art, poetry, helpers, healers, takers and givers. I also live in a spiritual world. A world beyond the five senses. A world of energy, unconditional love, spirit guides, angels, and a pureness of body, mind and spirit. This is a world that exists within and beyond the physical world. Our unlimited and expansive home -  a place where we are fully embraced and accepted for who we are. It is amazing grace and within the veil, a life of joy and peace.

I want to believe that maybe Robin knew this too. His crystal blue, sparkling eyes of depth and love seemed to indicate he did. Maybe he no longer felt or saw evidence of the spiritual world in the physical world, and he was pained for it. We are the ones left behind, and that is always hard. We try to understand it - but only have our own lenses (yes, me too) from which to do so. What do we do next to honor him? Yes, he should be revered for his uncanny abilities in comedic relief. Of course his life will be talked about and analyzed because he was a celebrity. No, do not let us forget those that struggle with mental illness and depression and know no other choice but ending the pain. Let's do what we can to understand and support them. In my heart, I feel Robin Williams made a choice yesterday and I believe he did it knowing where he was going.

Living with a sense of knowing what awaits me on the other side has been my blessing and my curse. When the pain of this life looms large and the promise of peace in the next life is all you have, your choice is easy. I wonder, why stay? I also understand that no matter where my soul resides, the physical or spiritual world, love surrounds me and all will be well. This promise keeps be grounded in the world of duality, ready to adventure through.

In between birth and death is life - and it's a mighty hill to climb. Beautiful, difficult, painful, full of beauty and love.

Universe-ity. School for My Soul

I have learned a few things in my 38 years and 10 months about who I am and how that relates to the greater world. I don't profess to know a right path for everyone, but I do have some lessons learned that help guide me on my way. If you are an empath, or someone who is tuned in to energy, relationships and the greater mysteries of the universe, you may find these tidbits helpful. Mostly, I needed to write them down so I have a reference when I falter.

• We cross each other's paths to learn something. Sometimes our learning takes place in mere moments, other times we need decades. No relationship is unimportant to your humanity and growth. Honor them, the good ones and the hard ones. Let them go when they have served their purpose.
• The best things in life are the simple things. The first sip of coffee or tea on a Sunday morning, a goodnight kiss, holding hands, the friend that shows up when you need her, the sun that rises and sets despite your best efforts to stop time. Make mental notes of gratitude during these divine moments. For the love of joy, do!
• The universe continues on (expanding) because of energy. The energy of the sun and wind, the energy of love, the energy between people, and the energy in your cells, among others, is what moves us closer to bliss. Without this unseen life force, there would be nothing. Honor it by taking care of the energy you receive from another, and reciprocate with your own light energy as an offering of goodwill. Apologize and explain when you can't muster enough good energy to be a positive force in the world. That alone will contribute to the bank of good tidings. 
• Honesty is one of the most important virtues. Too many of us learned as young children to tell white lies so as to save ourselves or others from fear and pain. When the energy of your lies build over time though, you constantly live in fear and pain for not being honest. What you work hard to fight against, you create. Create truth. Create love.
• Do I want to be happy? Not really, no. Happiness, to me, is a fleeting emotion that insinuates falling in and out of a state of smiley contentment that often depends on getting one's way. I want to be joyful. I want peace. I want to know the joy that one feels in noticing the unexpected gifts and, like a child, feeling excited and grateful. Or the joy in hearing your favorite tune on the radio and at once commencing in loud singing, or dancing with abandon. Joy is a state of recognition - when we realize that life is full of amazing miracles in small (and large) packages. And when the joy that flows in waves through my heart and soul pulls back, I want the feeling of peace to be what remains. 
• Why do some people hurt people? Fear, insecurities, anger, triggers from old memories, wanting/needing/having to be right. Love on people that aren't interested in showing the world their woundedness, but instead share their vulnerabilities and grace.
• They say that the things that bug you about someone else are a mirror to your own issues. That you are just projecting. I see this a lot and I do agree that many people project their stuff on to others, but I also realize (now after a lot of time spent analyzing) that some people are just assholes and it has nothing to do with you. We empaths need to know this or we will spend an inordinate amount of time analyzing our shortcomings. Everyone has stuff to work on, sure, but don't let someone else's stuff become your stuff or you'll burst at the seams.
• It's okay to admit that you don't like someone. For as long as I can remember, I thought it was my gift and my purpose to find something to like about everyone. Some people have made that really hard. Others told me it was me and that I hadn't done enough for them. Some people didn't give two shits if I liked them or not. So, why did I spend so much of my life caring about people who didn't care about me when I could have been spending that energy caring for myself or the people that did? I'm almost 39 and for the first time I recently admitted there are people in this world that I don't like. Hello, my name is Katie and I am (still) a recovering people-pleaser.
• I've often wondered why some friends don't put a lot of effort into scheduling time together. They claim they like you. They say it's fun to hang out. They never call. I don't know if I have clarity quite yet, but I know that maybe it shouldn't matter. If you believe the relationship is a good one and it is mutual then spend time with that person when you can. If they are saying they like spending time with you, but their behaviors don't match their words don't spend extra energy worrying about it. For some reason they can't be honest with you, in which case maybe you don't want to be that close anyway.

I still kinda & sorta love life, a lot

I can't believe I am back to this blog. I originally birthed it as Scandalicious Suburbia. I got a kick out of being an unexpected goof ball. Maybe I come across as composed and with my shit together. I am not. Sometimes I am. Not really though. I don't know everything. I don't have it figured out. I do know life has a way of teaching me that you can never know what is next.

I don't like to tell my story because I know that it is just that - a story. It's my "this is why you should listen to me" plea. This is why I matter. Honestly, we all matter. You matter. Let's tell each other stories.

When we believe that we are unique and super-special, it's like we mentally hop a luxury yacht to the Island of No One Understands Me. Island life is unsettling - most everyone else is on the island of misfits or on their own private island of specialness. When we are over concerned with our own uniqueness, we send the message that any understanding, compassion, and love directed at us is misguided. If they haven't lived to tell the story you have lived to tell, how can they possibly understand? If we don't want to be alone, a victim of our story, we have to row-row-row ourselves to the island of misfits. It is there that we will find community among kindred souls.

How do we get to a place, as individuals, where we can both deal with our individualistic minds and expand our consciousness to include our desire for community and love? How do we rectify the two? Our egos want to us to believe we are Jesus reincarnate, but our souls know that we are all Jesus reincarnate. My story is your story. My antagonist is real to me, yet still an antagonist - a crucial character to every good story. My story has been told before and will be told again. My story, though the events are seemingly rare, mirrors at least one other story that I am aware of in my small city. How can I be so selfish as to worry about the stuff I go through when I know that people go through worse? Yet, how can I not worry about me when I have to help me survive? It's a conundrum that requires at least a year's worth of tissues, bad movies and sugar-laden treats to get through.

I was never one to lament. I am not a fan of it.I am a lover of life - as it is. And yet, I am sad to report I have spent the last year lamenting. I have grieved my choice to love and be open with people, I have said a big F-you to living in the moment (because it's really hard when the moment is shit covered in vomit), and I have just been a place where authenticity (caution: buzz word) seemed inconsequential and "playing it safe" seemed, well, safe.

But you know... if I really believed that I wouldn't be writing this. Playing it safe is not my cup of tea. If I live once (or live again with no memory of this), why do I care about being careful? I don't have a death wish. I have a life wish. I wish to live fully, in every moment. I wish to love. I wish to help. I wish to see beauty. I wish to breathe and dance and play and laugh.

Bring It

I am ready for the next adventure. I want life to break me open. I want no more of this boxed in, breathless, anxious state. I can say I am afraid, but I'm surprised at what I am afraid of. I am afraid of being too successful. I am afraid that brighter my light, the more I will disappoint the people that have known me the longest and the best. It's just as irrational of a fear as any other, but it's different. I have always known that I am strong, full of love, and capable of achieving whatever it is that I want to. I have never believed that it would be well received if I did.

This is my fear. And if I don't break through it, I stay here - in a curled up state of suffocation.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Zack & Miri and Their Lessons for a Good Marriage

Dearest Summer & Ty,

You have officially been married 4 days now and WOW! You have survived it thus far. Happily, I assume. Kevin and I really appreciated witnessing your union and being a part of your reception. Thank you for the invite. Also, I appreciate being a witness to the spring-like embrace of fresh love. Before kids, before passion ebbs and flows, before trying to define yourself as a couple then individual then couple again. Before the work of marriage we celebrate the union. And, being married almost 12 years, I now know why a couple has an even bigger celebration if they make it to their Golden Anniversary. The commitment, the allowing, the forgiving, the patience and the joy it takes to get there is worth a party.

If you have seen the movie, you do know that Zack & Miri started as friends. Yet, from the beginning they acted more like a seasoned married couple. There were many important lessons from Zack & Miri that will aid you on the journey of your marriage:

• Laugh at the jokes and the silly choices of your partner.
  
• Talk openly about what satisfies you in the bedroom. Don't talk to your best friend about it if you haven't talked to your spouse. Best not to blog about it either.
• Tell your woman she looks "pretty f-in' hot" in her dress. Do it!
  
• Ty, offer to wash Summer's hair, scrub her back, paint her toenails, etc. Take care of your woman.
  
• Mr. Fix-it is Sexy. So is Mrs. Fix-it.
  
• Don't listen to the marriage nay-sayers. They are everywhere. But they don't know what you two have. And misery always loves company.
• Be partners - you are on the same team. Run your marriage like a business. You're in the business of LOVE!
• Remember romance rocks! It keeps the relationship fresh and exciting.
  
• Boys have to have sex. (Summer, this is where you get to take care of Ty.)
  
• And girls have to talk about emotions.
• Surround yourselves with good friends.
  
• Dance in the living room.
• Don't expect Ty to understand what you want if you don't tell him, Summer. Boys don't think. Like girls.
• Remember you married someone that you want to grow with. Expect to grow & change and be less like the people you were when you met. And yet, inherently the same.
  
• Letting grudges go is essential to personal and marital happiness.
  
• Marriage is an adventure of unknowns, not a commitment of constants.

Zack & Miri Make a Porno was really a love story. It was! The love was hidden behind the swearing, the nudity, the overused C word and the moaning. I hope all of the love and happiness in the world is funneled into your marriage. If you ever find yourself wondering who the hell you married and why, don't sweat it! We all have looked at our spouse and seen an alien. It is an adventure though. And that specific adventure we call "Find my abducted spouse. An alien has taken over." That is it. Your adventure awaits!

With Respect & Admiration,

Katie & Kevin

(He did not write a word. But I am used to that. I still sign his name on things. See how thoughtful that is?)

It's All Fun & Games Until There is a Shard of Glass in Your Finger

Life is always fun and games. Giggling. Red balloons that follow you around town. Bluebirds that sing. Deer that allow you to pet them. Gobs of money growing on trees in your backyard. Plenty of perfectly grown food with no additives, chemicals or hormones. A being that loves you NO MATTER WHAT with more love than you can handle in one lifetime - (so guilt, fear and depression are gone). This is my life. This IS your life.

Today my daughter and friend were playing and giggling. It's a nice sound to have in the house. Until CRASH! BANG! something breaks. Then a shriek of terror. An actual glass shard is sticking straight up out of her finger. Mom to the rescue. I pluck it out. No blood. No real injury. BUT THE HORROR! of the perceived injury is enough to make her shout out loud. Giggles quickly turn to cries and life turns 180 degrees on it's axis.

Imagine the people in the plane that went down in the Hudson River. Most probably started the day excited to be going somewhere other than where they were. Or maybe some had already tried that and were now excited to go back from whence they came. Maybe a few were clutching the hands of their loved one's in trepidation - but they didn't really believe anything would happen - did they? Up they go into the air - higher than humans should even bother feeling comfortable - putting their trust in the big hunk of metal and the credentials of the pilot. What they didn't know was that their pilot had some serious credentials. They are blissfully, ignorantly, flying along and some geese choose this day to become Airborne Foie Gras. The day of excitement, or at worst - normalcy, turns into a day of terror and fear in ONE chance meeting. Goose to propeller. Simple as that.

I haven't thought too much about that plane ride. I have praised the pilot and thanked God for lives saved (even though He had little to do with it). I can't really imagine that moment where joy turns to terror. What do you think about? What do you do? I honestly hope that my mind would be thoughtless. And that I could revel in the moment - loving who happens to be in the plane with me, & loving those who don't. Thankful for the opportunity to know how sweet joy is - how amazing life is. Sometimes it takes a shard of glass, a stupid goose, an unrequited love, an illness, an argument, or a long gray winter to appreciate the abundance of light in which we all reside.

God Bless Us, EVERYONE!

Please watch this video before reading my comments. Thanks to Maggie for posting it on her blog.

http://current.com/items/89609576/what_is_your_definition_of_religion.htm

Then consider this:

It is my opinion that saying that your religion is the ONLY religion is similar to saying that my country is the best country. If that doesn't seems to strike a chord, you must believe that your country is the best country. I wonder how many billions of people would disagree with that.

I realize that many Americans believe that we must stay loyal to America despite our concerns with it's practices and policies, because this country gives us so much. For the most part, I agree. I think America is a wonderful place to live. I don't always agree with our policies and practices. That does not make me anti-American. It makes me want America to be better. Just as I believe I am always growing to be a better person.

Religions across the world not only believe that they have the only path to God, they talk about it. I don't think that the belief is what gets us into trouble as much as the talking about it. The bragging, the teasing, the I-am-better-than-you-are mentality. The stronger you believe that your way is the only way (which many say is required for "TRUE" faith) the stronger you react to anything that is different from your way. Your EGO says "fight" when challenged. Your EGO is not GOD. Your EGO is the voice in your head that says "I need to be right or I am nothing".

It is the same larger EGO that nations hold when they bully, fight and go to war. One nation believes that their government holds the key to everlasting peace and prosperity. The other believes that peace and prosperity come through THEIR form of government. Asking the officials of either nation how the individuals in their country feel about their policies will not garnish an honest answer - you must ask the people themselves. If you ask ME: if a country really wants to do good in the world they would stop genocide. But genocide is largely ignored. I want people across the world to be loved, safe and happy. If that means that they choose another form of government, so be it. If we push people to accept democracy, we can't whine and cry when they push us to accept something other than democracy.

If we ask a religious head what each individual member believes, I do not think that we would hear ONE version of the truth across the membership, among ANY religion. The real truth is you can only know what you believe. You cannot know that what you believe is the best for everyone, the right path for everyone, the only way for anyone but you.

Religion is a personal experience among a doctrine of perceived truths. Your personal experience cannot and never will be the same as any other member of that religion. You may have similarities and understandings, or you may be so far from anothers beliefs that you barely recognize them as a fellow human. But the truth is the only similarity we all share is our humanity. In our humanity what we need more than anything is love, understanding, respect, and kindness. If you are unable to give that away freely, how can you stand in anger when it cannot or will not be given to you? I am happy to be American, I am blessed. I do not believe for a moment, though, that I am better than a Canadian, a Mexican, an Iraqi, a Colombian, a Norwegian, etc. I am just me. I have my beliefs based on how I make sense of this world and they work for me. I think any member of any other nation or religion can have just as much assurance in their beliefs as I have in mine and NOT offend or take away from mine IN THE SLIGHTEST. I mean that. Not at all.

Fighting for anything just causes more fighting. So it would also make sense that love might just cause more love. Peace, more peace. Acceptance, more acceptance. Respect, more respect. GET IT??? BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. You be it. If you can be it first, I bet you anything - others will follow. (Thanks to Ghandi for his wise words)

The Mastery of Love - A Book Suggestion

Relationships are hard. Right? Or no? If you say no, you may very well be a spiritual master - & we need to talk. If you say "yes" you are like the millions of people in relationships that feel unloved, undesired, unappreciated, stressed out, lonely, unhappy, and frustrated. What if I tell you that there is a specific book that has all of the answers that you need to become that spiritual master of love, and said it in simple, 'holy crap! this is easy to understand' terms? Guess what? There is such a book.

I don't know why I haven't been more specific on this blog about the books that have transformed my life. I have quite a collection. Rather than spend my money on therapy I have spent it on books (probably enough money to buy a Master's level education in therapy - okay not really - but close.) The thing that I have received from books that I haven't found in a specific therapist is specifics. I love therapists, and believe that they have their place in healing, too. We have a wonderful therapist for our children and for family issues that need immediate resolving. There is nothing like having a live person to talk to when needing an immediate third-party objective view on something. BUT, I have always needed something that only books could provide - the words of the wise at my fingertips, available around the clock and affordable. In reading books I found answers from people that have both a spiritual and relational perspective. I also sought books for many reasons. One, because I wanted to know how to get along better with people, not the analyzation of why I am not. (I already do tons of analyzation on my own, anyway. I think I have out analyzed any therapist I have ever seen so nothing they say ever surprises me.) I wanted to stop blaming my childhood & the people around me and take personal responsibility. I needed to find a way to change my thoughts so that I could be more at peace and more understanding of who-I-am in the world. I also tend to talk a lot and therapy isn't financially conducive to long-winded answers.

So, I pick up books. I have always loved reading for it's relaxing & quiet support. And for reasons that are probably innate in me, I have always been drawn to the personal development books. As a teenager I bought Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus (from which I still use the useful metaphors). In college I bought books on depression, mother-daughter relationships, and being happy. (I'll give you one guess of how I felt then.) Now, I mostly buy books from spiritual/personal development authors. Most of the books I buy now can't be found in the regular personal development section - though some of the more popular authors do reside there. Now, you can find me in the New Age section just as often, if not more. That is the section where you will find this wonderful book I am rereading.

As I mentioned yesterday, there are things going on around me in the lives of others that have awakened a new sense of desire to know exactly how love works. I am speaking, in the cases I am aware of, specifically of Eros love, the kind of love we have for a spouse or a lover. Whether the desire to reread this book came before the awareness of the issues that surround me, or I went back to the book innately knowing I would need it, I don't know. I do know that this book is eye-opening and a must-read for anyone in any relationship of any kind. In other words, unless you are agoraphobic you probably have use for this book.

There are some people that have no interest in reading self-help books and I respect that. But if you are at all interested in having more love and peace in your relationships than you thought ever possible - READ THIS BOOK! If you have already read the book - reread it with me. I wish that I could have a "book club" event with all of my blog readers in person (because you know how fun book club can be), but I can't imagine the attendance would be very good. However, I can suggest this book and discuss it with you via email, phone or blog comments.

And the book? Have I built it up enough? Are you sitting at the edge of your seat in anticipation?

Here is an excerpt from Don Miguel Ruiz's The Mastery of Love:

In every relationship there are two halves of that relationship. One half is you, and the other half is your son, your daughter, your father, your mother, your friends, your partner. Of those halves, your are only responsible for your half; you are not responsible for the other half. It doesn't matter how close you think you are, or how strongly you think you love, there is no way you can be responsible for what is inside another person's head. You can never know what that person feels, what that person believes, all the assumptions she makes. You don't know anything about that person. That is the truth, but what do we do? We try to be responsible for the other half, and that is why relationships in hell are based on fear, drama and the war of control. - pg 66

And, If you take your happiness and put it in someone's hands, sooner or later, she is going to break it. If you give your happiness to someone else, she can always take it away. Then if happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love, you are responsible for your happiness. We can never make anyone responsible for our own happiness .... It doesn't matter how much you love someone, you are never going to be what that person wants you to be. -pg 53.

The Mastery of Love is filled on every page (there are 205 of them) with the formula that our relationships need to heal. And I'll give you a hint: self-love is a key ingredient. Buy it. Read it. Live it. (And then let me know how it's going.)

Footnote: Don Miguel Ruiz's books: The Four Agreements, The Voice of Knowledge and this one, The Mastery of Love, have all changed my life. I specifically found The Voice of Knowledge to be one of the most eye-opening books I have read in my lifetime.

Breathing a Sigh of Yes We Can!

My heart is so full. With hope. With love. With gratitude. I am so honored to be a part of this historical moment. My older two children even seemed to understand the depth of this moment in history. I don't find the moment historical simply because our next President is an African American, which is amazing beyond words, but also because of the grass-roots effort that came together to win this election. I have found him nothing but gracious to his opponents, level headed and deep-hearted. He has inspired people who have never before voted to vote. If I were on the other side of this campaign, I would hope that I would at least respect the historic and inspirational campaign that he ran.

Many of you have seen this video, but I didn't watch it in full until today.



And I also found pictures like the one below all over the internet. In this case it is a woman in China, the world is celebrating with us.

Spreading the Wealth - It's Good for You

Spreading the wealth. It's gotten such a bad rap this political season. Here is my personal take on it.

I am not wealthy or poor. I am middle class. Living paycheck to paycheck. Staying home with my kids (for the most part) because to put them in daycare would require a starting salary of $36,000 or more - which is a hard one to "walk in to". Our family is one lay-off away from the poor house. Kevin works his butt off so that does not happen. We have little debt - some but not much. We have an excellent credit score. This is who we are fiscally.

Who I am as a person is what makes me a "liberal". I believe in sharing. I share anything I can - my ablility and happiness to watch my friend's children when they need a break or the help. My food and home to entertain friends for dinner and build better relationships. Homemade goodies or little gifts for people I love. Dishes if someone is hosting an event or people recovering from medical issues. My time for school events and volunteer activities. These are things that I happily give away. If I had money, I would share even more.

I very much believe that this is what makes our country great. Not capitalism. Not materialism. Not who can have the most stuff. But who we are and how we treat each other.

On Halloween day I read a status on Facebook that said: in preparation for new tax plans we should take candy out of certain kid bags and give it to those who don't have as much. Spread the wealth around ya know.

I responded that as a parent that would be fine with me. My kids don't need gobs of candy to be satisfied. An amazing thing happened that night. My son decided, on his own, to share his candy. We had run out of candy and the door was closed - he was outside. He came into the house and said "Mom, I am sharing my candy with kids that don't have very much." He melted my heart (and the hearts of those in the room). He did this all on his own, unprompted. I know he has a big heart - this proved it. Yes, he earned that candy. Yes, he could have kept it all for himself. I understand that to "make" him give it out could have easily created the opposite effect. Foot stomping, tears, yelling, "i hate yous". If I had forced the sharing, it still is the right thing to do. It's just some people who don't share naturally have temper tantrums when they are asked to share.

I know a few very wealthy people that don't want to "spread the wealth". These same people don't like to pay full price for anything, they enjoy handouts from friends and family without reciprocating, & they look for deals everywhere. They have the means to pay full price and yet they avoid it at all costs. I call them "cheap" or "moochers". They want handouts and yet they don't want to give handouts to others. I just can't fathom being that selfish. I know the main difference between us - I want the best for humanity, not just for myself. In my experience, giving is better and more fulfilling than receiving.

My feelings and opinions on this topic have more to do with humanity than with Republican vs. Democrat. I have never been a political-minded person. I have always been a human-minded person. The negative spinning on Obama's "spreading the wealth" has riled me up a bit, though. I realized, on Halloween, that it comes down to whether or not sharing is natural for you. And if not, can you grow to see why it's essential to a peaceful experience of life?

I just read this in Marianne Williamson's book The Healing Of America:

Within the next ten years, America will have a renaissance or a catastrophe. Something is going to happen to take us back to who we are. If America were an individual seeking counseling, a good therapist might say: "Number one, you're not really sober. Number two, you're obsessed with material things and your spiritual life is begging for attention. Number three, you rarely take responsibility for your own problems and project a lot of blame onto other people. Number four, you've neglected your kids. Number five, the size of the elaborate security system around your house shows paranoid tendencies. Number six, you have a lot of amends to make. Number seven, your attraction to generals is neurotic."

Whether the patient takes the cue or not remains to be seen. But for a person or for a nation, everything will erupt in time if we do not attend to the inner life.

This book was written in 1997.

Be It First Before You Expect It

My friend Sarah came to visit a few weekends ago. We had a few drinks at a bar on Thursday night and then Friday we went to an antique store to find goodies for her vintage kitsch collection. After our visit to the downtown antique store we went to a local coffee joint to have a coffee and some good conversation.

We hit topics such as: politics, abortion, religion, spirituality, gay rights, the economy... it was a good convo. 'Specially fun because we weren't defending our stance on issues but sharing our beliefs. Out of the corner of my eye I saw this young (younger than us) girl sitting at her computer. I later told Sarah I KNEW she was listening, and Sarah said she saw her look up at us a few times. She started packing up to go and sure enough stopped at our table.

She was shaking. She went on to say that she had overheard our conversation. She went into a personal story of struggles, fear of crazy religious people, to a moment of clarity, to a church parking lot, to being welcomed by the church members, to a personal relationship with Jesus, to inviting us to her church. Her story was compelling and sweet. Sarah and I could relate to her moment of clarity and her fear of crazy religious people. I can relate to her personal relationship with Jesus (I don't want to speak for Sarah) and her wanting to share what has worked for her with others.

Scandalicous Suburbia is my testimony to the choices and beliefs that have worked for me. I fully realize that I have opened myself up by blogging in that I could potentially have many readers. Or I could be blogging to only 1 reader - me. Either way, once written it is not my choice who reads this blog. People find me and visit me for a number of different reasons I am sure, "becoming a hippie" is topping the list so far of readers that find me through Google.

I don't hold any expectations of my blog changing minds or lives. I don't sit around hoping that my blog gets read by thousands of people and makes me famous. Blogging isn't meant to be my life's work, I know that. But I still enjoy it. It's fun & I do it for me, really. I do it to process my thoughts and live who-I-am out-loud, something I didn't do much of until recently. So, if you read it, you may hear me talk about Byron Katie and The Work because her process on how to live in the moment changed my life. You might hear me mention TUT, the website that sends me a fabulous, funny daily email from The Universe. I have read and loved Seth books by Jane Roberts, Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald Walsch, Don Miguel Ruiz (specifically The Voice of Knowledge), Wayne Dyer, Pema Chodron, The Tao Te Ching, M. Scott Peck (specifically Further Along The Road Less Traveled), and A Course in Miracles to name a few. These people/books may all get mentioned on my blog because it is MY blog and they were enlightening and important to my path.

What I do not understand is the belief that some hold that their way of life (their choice of religion/books/beliefs/etc) is the only way of life and should be a one size fits all for everyone. What happens when we begin proselytizing to other people is that we begin to look naive, closed minded and cold. The political tactic of making the other guy look bad has never sat well with me, no matter what party. Why aren't politicians talking about what they will bring to the office instead of what the other guy won't bring? And religion: I have known people who hoped to bring followers to their religion, talk to the potential converts like they are stupid and naive, somehow not ready for the "one truth", & disappointing The Lord until the moment they join the "one true" church. The girl that told us HER church was the place that WE could find healing, believed that with all of her heart and stated in simply and lovingly. When she left I loved her for being so brave as to share her sorrowful and triumphant story with two strangers. An amazing testimony from her soul. It was her story about her path to freedom. I can hear it and love her. I don't have to make it her story about my path to freedom.

I have my own story about me. I have shared parts of it here, on Scandalicious Suburbia. I have shared it openly. I don't expect everyone to agree with me. I don't hope for anything specific by sharing it. For me, it's about opening up to Life. Just by writing and clicking "Publish Post" I am opening myself up to the world. I have learned that when I do this the world opens itself up to me, too. However, my sense of self, my passion, my heart is not wrapped up in the comments or the feedback or how many new friends I receive or people I convert to my way of thinking. My self-identity is only wrapped up in Me. How I feel. What I think about. Whether I am being loving, open, and kind to myself. It's only when I am being good to myself that I can be good to others. I play my music and others benefit (if they like the sound of it, that is). Changing my music to theirs to win them over makes no sense and making people change their music to mine to gain followers is loveless.

This video, from Abraham (another of my favorites), is an amazing testimony, for me, to the value of living Your Life without expectations and judgements of others.

How I Love Thee, Let Me Blog The Ways

Letter to my Honey:

Yes, I love you. Even when you forget to pick up your underwear and you leave it for me to do. I love you when you say everything is going to be okay even though I haven't found a job to help make everything okay and instead spend my time blogging, tweeting, and meeting friends for drinks.

I love you because you love me more than your mom.
I love you because you and I created cute kids (forget that they have also acquired our worst habits and quirks).
I love you for working your ass off, literally, and causing me to dream about fitting into YOUR skinny jeans. Lest I forget my weight loss goals.
I love you for staying true to yourself. You have always kept me waiting and I am sure you always will. Don't change for anyone, baby.
I love you for thinking I am employable: smart, quick, dependable, funny, anyone would be lucky to have me. Even though no one seems to want me.
I love you for letting me paint our house shades of the fall colors I love. I am not sure what colors you love for walls.
I love you for thinking I'm sexy - even though I don't quite resemble the 17 year old I was when I met you.
I love you for not caring about the fanciest cars, clothes, and things. When I buy you a Crossfire you'll have your own cargasm. Right? I think...
I love you for being open to me sharing all of my scandalicious thoughts with unknown and known readers.

I just wanted you to know why I love you. I am sure there are more reasons, but we are headed on a date. And I'll take actually talking to you over typing to you, via Father Internet and Mother Masses, any day.

Your loving wife,
ScandalciousK

If We Are All Going Down I Might As Well Have Fun

If I believe the news today I may be on a sinking ship, similar to the "unsinkable" Titanic (or USA?). If so, I know I have a few options in taking on the imminent danger. According to the movie, Titanic, I can:

• Lie down on my bed. Masturbate. Or have sex with my husband if he is available. Wait - I don't think this option is in the movie, but it would be more fun than simply lying down, closing my eyes and drowning.
• Find a way to die before I die. Cuz that makes sense.
• Run. Did ya know that zig zagging is especially confusing to water?
• Hide. Another option. Maybe the water won't find/kill me if I hide in the bathtub. It has a drain y'all.
• Jump. Yeah, I might survive that free-fall.
• Count failures like sheep. Die in misery.
• Find a lifeboat. Try not to look into the eyes of the people that don't have a lifeboat. Sort of like the Republicans. Every man/woman/child for themselves. Richest people first. Gay? Good Luck.
• Help the others find lifeboats. Or at least help them find peace by continuing to play my music. (I dance to the tune of LOVE - if ya haven't caught on). You know like the quartet in the movie. Yeah, you get it.

It appears that only the lifeboats can potentially save my life, but at the expense of another's. Yes, that is how it is. I get that.

But how do the ship's officers decide who survives and who goes down with the ship? In the movie there is a definite class divide - the rich are more worth saving than the poor. The third-class passengers were locked away & didn't even have the choice- to run, hide, jump overboard or try for a lifeboat. Locked down in the lowest levels of the ship for fear that they would impede the survival of the elite. I agree that the children should be helped first. But not just the rich, (white, straight, smart) important kids. All kids. And to help all kids you sometimes have to help their family unit.

So, what would I do? Well, because of who I am, I would pick the last option. I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of being cowardly in order to survive. If and when I have the chance to share my music with people that are afraid, left behind, angry, or unsure, I will take it. Always.

BUT If I am locked down in the belly of the ship, with no one to share my music with - well then I will go out in ecstasy playing with myself.

List of Things to Do Before I Die, aka The Bucket List

On June 13, 2008, before I started this blog, I made a Bucket List on my facebook page. Many of my friends have already read it and commented. I thought I would post it here for my blog followers and lurkers. I really don't put a lot of NEED into most things on my bucket list. I am a happy, fulfilled person with or without some of these goals being met. However, it's always good to have goals; so, given the time and opportunity (and in some cases with the proper motivation and dedication) I will attempt to meet these before I croak, die, kick the bucket....

1. Learn to play guitar.
2. Travel to Africa - possibly staying for a month or more.
3. Become friends with my children when they are adults.
4. Have a great relationship with my future daughter(s)-in-law.
5. Have a male friend that can advise me on fashion, relationships, and decorating without wanting to kiss me.
6. Bring moms together in a safe, supportive, and encouraging environment to share, learn and grow together.
7. Write a book. Don't care if it is published, not sure if it is fiction or non, I just have a lot to say.
8. Stop random thoughts from ruining my day - like the one I just had now "you'll never get any of this done".
9. Give an accurate intuitive reading for someone some day.
10. Enjoy cooking and cleaning enough to entertain as often as my mom.
11. Make sure that everyone I know knows how much I love them.
12. Learn to sing in my own voice (ignoring the thoughts that Ihave to be a soprano when in fact I am closer to an alto).
13. Find peace in every moment.
14. Get in awesome shape.
15. Adopt, become a foster parent, or a Big Sister.
16. Stand up for the underdog when presented with that oportunity. For people that are not treated with dignity or given the same consideration because of their race, age, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation.
17. Attend a Byron Katie School for The Work.
18. Get laser vision for my eyes - tired of contacts.
19. Have wild, passionate sex many times a week for many years - and just once - smoke a cigarette afterwards.
20. Take a road trip to the west coast while the kids are still young - but not too young.
21. Tour Canada - stop to visit Natasha. Canada is the only place I have ever seen the Northern Lights - would love a repeat.
21. a. I should add - learn more about Canada before I go.
22. Travel the world - too many places to list.
23. Own a horse again.
24. Start a Holistic Wellness Center - welcoming all people.
25. Shop locally and eat predominantly organic.
26. Open a boutique of some sort.
27. Practice Yoga regularly. Possibly getting teacher certification.
28. Become a snowbird. Or live in multiple places in a year.
29. Witness the birth of at least one of my grandchildren.
30. Grow my own fruits and vegetables.
31. Go on a week long horseback riding and camping excursion.
32. Have enough time in the day to call every person I promised to call and let them know I KNOW I am a slacker when it comes to the phone and that in fact it has nothing to do with them and I love them.
33. Stop analyzing life and just live it!!
34. Stop caring about what other people think - about me, or life, or religion, or politics.
35. Feel a daily, constant connection to LOVE (aka GOD).
36. Fall in love with my husband again and again.
37. See Kevin happy and doing something he loves - either with hobbies or work.
38. Win the lotto so I can do what I always wanted to do and pay off my friends mortgages and take care of my family (parents, brother, SIL, my own kids and husband).
39. Get creative again: draw, paint, design.
40. Start a not-for-profit that redecorates kids rooms so they have a personal space of their own that feels warm and nuturing.
41. Learn jewelry making and knitting.
42. Learn to play the piano.
43. Go to a luxurious spa with Kevin for a week of crazy relaxation and pampering.
44.Pull of a Pixie cut. Yeah Right a 5'11 pixie. (Update: Accomplished 7/08)
45. Have platinum blond hair - or some crazy hair color.
46. Get another tattoo.
47. Rock a bikini starting next year and for at least 10 more years.
48. Play in some adult sports league (volleyball, tennis, etc.)
49. Start an adventure club for women (outdoor or athletic adventures mostly).
50. Own a few GREAT pieces of art.
51. Own a cabin in the woods on a river.
52. Hire my house cleaner back and keep her forever.
53. Have friend teach me how to make Mozzarella cheese.
54. Make Kevin laugh again as hard as he did when I snapped myself in the face with a rubber fitness band (while dancing).
55. Stop biting my nails FOR GOOD!
56. Take the kids to Makinac Island and bike around the island.
57. Shop from Athleta or Title Nine without worries about cost.
58. Have fresh flowers in my house year round.
59. Rent a place in the Carolina's on the beach with a group of friends and their kids.
60. Travel to California with KARK x 2 - the beach house is calling us!
61. Take individual trips with each of my kids when they reach a certain age.
62. Finish my Reiki Master course.
63. Formally study Holistic Health - doesn't have to lead to a degree but it could.
64. Buy the most luxurious mattress, sheets, bedding and pillows so that when I fall asleep I feel like I am in Heaven.
65. Own pretty pajamas suitable for sitting on the porch while drinking my morning coffee.
66. Read Mists of Avalon again.
67. Own 6 season tickets to Michigan State University football games.
68. Never stop dancing.
69. Speak Spanish fluently.
70. Find the tree that my mom and dad carved their initials on when they met. The tree was in Jackson Hole, WY in a campground in the mountains.
71. Type my dad's travel journal he was keeping when he met my mom so there is a copy of it forever.
72. Take the fall color tour of New England that I have wanted to do for years.
73. Swim with the dolphins.
74. Swim across the lake I grew up on at least once a year until I can no longer swim.
75. Visit winery's around the world.
76. Have the audacity to skinny dip again.
77. Decorate like Martha Stewart for Halloween and then throw an elaborate Halloween party.
78. New Year's Eve in Times Square - just once.
79. Learn about my lost relatives and ancestors - and meet a few.
80. Volunteer or work in the Child Life department of a hospital.
81. Host a foreign exchange student.
82. Go to a chocolate factory and take a tour.
83. Watch wild chimpanzees.
84. Have a past life regression.
85. Send my parents on a dream vacation.
86. See a woman become President.
87. See an African American become President.
88. Swim in a pool of water at the bottom of a waterfall.
89. Learn to bartend.
90. Put my rubber fitness band dance on You Tube.
91. Go to an Ellen DeGeneres Show.
92. Learn to sew well enough to make adorable kids clothes and pajamas bottoms with a long inseam.
93. Be on a community board of directors.
94. Support parents just learning about their child's ADHD, anxiety or other neurological disorder.
95. Own a hybrid car.
96. Live the Way of the Tao.
97. Keep a fairly regular journal or blog. (Update: I think I am doing that! Woo-hoo!)
98. Take 4 year old to the tea cups at Disney - he has been asking to go for a few years.
99. Get close to whales in the wild.
100. See my niece cured of Diamond Blackfan Anemia, a rare blood disorder.
101. Die happy, fulfilled, and loved.

What We Could Do With A Love Like That

Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth "you owe me".
Look what happens with a Love like that!

It lights the whole Sky. (Hafiz)

If I had to guess at why I was put on this earth - what difference I can make - I would say it has to be to love. I think we are all here to love, though. Is that a special skill? Something that can be made into a PrimeTime Heroes character? I mean do I really posess any loving talent greater than another? No, I don't think so. But I do think that loving is central to my existence. I want to learn how to do it well.

I already love so many people. I love the people put in my life without earthly choice: my parents, my children, my grandparents, my in-laws (via the earthly choice of my husband).

My earthly choices: Kevin and my friends.

The various people that I know well enough to show my love: co-workers, friends of friends, long ago friends, friends parents, teachers, people that I see frequently- some whose names I don't know (grocery store clerks), kids friends, kid friends parents.

Those that aren't the easiest to get along with because of who I am: George W. Bush, haters, negative people, manipulators, con artists, people with extremely different beliefs than me, darkworkers.

And the others - the one's that I find it hardest to love: criminals, child abusers, toxic people.

Those people least like me are hardest to know, right? I mean our differences make us resist getting to know one another. There are a lot more people in this world that are different than me than are the same. And yet, as I explained in my other post: Whatever, Same Difference, those differences are neither here nor there. I don't really care about them - when it comes down to humanity and love, I would prefer to hedge my bets on love winning in the end.

Do I want to make earthly choices about how to spend my time? Yes. I would rather spend my time with people that respect me and love me back.

Did I make an earthly choice on who to marry? Yes. I had to pick one person, people. And he had to pick me back. That's how marriage works (for me). Do I think that means I could never love another man again? No. I know I could - in much the same way. And I hope, should anything ever happen, that Kevin could love another woman in a similar way.

Love is our greatest expression of freedom. When we stop putting obstacles in the way of love and just love - we are truly free.

I wrote a question on facebook the other day. I asked my girlfriends to tell me if they tell their girlfriends that they love them, hug/kiss them, hold hands, or any physical contact (out of support or just because). I wasn't asking because I have an agenda. I just wanted to know. We give guys a hard time for their lack of emotions and ability to hug other guys. And yet, at most I hug my friends hello or goodbye. I sometimes tell girlfriends I love them. And I have kissed a few friends on the cheek when I felt they really needed the support. Yet, my daughter naturally holds hands with her best friend as they walk down the street. She and her friend giggle and hug and express their feelings about their "best friendship" with ease. And I sit wondering. When will that change? What rules will our girls learn that will suffocate their natural expression of love?

Is reading this making you squirm? Or question my sexual orientation? Honestly, it is making me squirm a little at thought of being questioned. And yet, I am learning to not care. I love to love. I love to be free in that way. There are so many rules I can't keep up with them - so I try not to. The love I feel for my fellow humans transcends those well known Greek/Christian classifications: Eros (sexual), Phileo (brotherly), Storge (parental), Xenia (hospitality). I feel something more like Agape: loving the soul of every individual.

If I could be a Hero would my special power (Love) make me extremely weak or superhumanly strong? Would I be so loving and trusting of others that one could come to me in a hug and stab me in the back? Or would my continued love for them at the moment of my death transcend death itself?

The children of Adam are limbs of each other
Having been created of one essence.
When the calamity of time afflicts one limb
The other limbs cannot remain at rest.
If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others
You are not worthy to be called by the name of "man". - Sa'di

Whatever, Same Difference!

Same Difference. Remember that saying? "Whatever, same difference". It is such a strange thing to say. The actual meaning is: the difference between the two things is not important.

Sometimes I think that we get so caught up in our little differences. They don't always seem so little - I know. But they are. What is life about? Why are we here? Those are the big things - the important things -that most of us would agree on, I think. The other things are our same differences. The little things. Our labels.

Christian or Buddhist? Same difference. It's how you treat others that matters. Kindness.

Breast or Bottle? Same difference. It's giving your child a nutritious start. Love.

Stay at Home or Work? Same difference. It's being the best parent that you can be. Balance.

Go Out or Stay In? Same difference. It's about giving yourself the experiences in life that you desire. Living.

City or Nature? Same difference. It's where you feel most alive that you gravitate. Pleasure.

Climb the Ladder or Go Out on a Limb? Same difference. It's about doing what you love. Both have risks. Success.

Best Friend or Social Butterfly? Same difference. It's about finding people that you enjoy spending time with. Laughter.

Point is we need not get caught up on the little things that make us different. Let's focus on what makes us the same. We all want the right to experience Kindness, Love, Balance, Life, Pleasure, Success, Laughter. The joys of life. I am not saying that my idealistic view means someday we should all agree on the details that make life joyful. I am saying that what makes life good for me does not necessarily make it good for another and that is Awesome! I can appreciate that we are all trying to find our way towards Joy.

Look at this list of some things that make my life good. Do we have similarities? How exciting! Do we have differences? How intriguing! Can we be friends?

Nature - yes even leeches, ticks and mucky sand. I LOVE it!
God - My energy Source.
My husband - Loves Me despite OUR same differences... can't ask for anything more.
My kids - Three. All breast fed until I couldn't handle being so attached.
My family
My friends
Being able to stay home with the kids (mostly)
Sending my kids to public schools with diversity - white kids, black kids, Hispanic kids, rich kids, poor kids, angry kids, happy kids, loud kids, quiet kids, good readers, poor readers... DIVERSITY! :)
Having my own diverse friends and acquaintances
All-day Kindergarten - Thank God! And I would Love Year Round School Too!
My dogs - one big, one little
Internet - one of my very best friends
Lipstick - makeup I never go without
Breaks from my kids - Yay!
Trips with friends - Magical!
Girls Night Out - Beyond Words! Keeps me Sane!
Drinks - Sit Back and Relax
Coffee - Wake Up and Get Going
Sugar - Addiction
Books - Fiction and Non. Vampires and God.
Movies - Sometimes to cry. Or Laugh. Or Feel Like a Superhero.
TV Shows
My Sense of Humor - I Love Laughing At Myself
Not Worrying
Watching My Kids Take Risks - be Adventurous. Climb. Fall. Get back up.
Organic Food When I Can - I feel healthier. My bank account get's lighter even if I don't.
Music - LOVE how it changes my mood. Sexy. Sad. Happy. Rockin'. Mellow.
Autumn - God's Gift
Choice - We all Deserve Choices.
Freedom
Money - It Makes Me Happy to Have Some
White Christmas
Thanksgiving - so I can say thanks for all of the above!
Passion - Reasons Are XXX.

If we are the same, I love you. If we differ, I love you. Same difference - I love you.

What It Takes to Be a Hippie

My friend C stopped by with her girls during their bike ride today. It was great to see them. The girls are so sweet. The older is eight and she informed me today that her mom is a hippie. (C was on the phone so I don't think she could confirm or deny the charges at the time).

Me: Oh, really?
Girl: Yes, do you know what makes a person a hippie?
Me: No, not exactly. Tell me.
Girl: Well, first you have to like the Banjo (her mom plays a little). Second, you have to like Wheatland (as many of us do). Third, you have to have a car with a lot of room (uh, this is Minivan, USA!)
Me: Well, I think you are right then. Your mom qualifies!

C is off the phone and says she doesn't think she is a hippie. Together, we all come up with a few more G-rated hippie qualifiers. One attainable qualifier was mentioned - underarm hair. Evidently, according to the girls, we have plenty of time to grow it out for Wheatland. And our leg hair. And our toe hair. All of the girls are laughing at the idea of our toes hairy, our legs hairy and our underarms! Ewwwww! C and I mention out-loud that hippies sometimes do other hippie things, but leave it at that.

I wouldn't call my friend a hippie. She is progressive. And natural. And organic. And she is convinced that she would have to own a VW Van, not just a car with a lot of room. So, she's not a hippie. Case solved.

What makes a person a hippie today? Any ideas? Still free love and long hair and mind altering substances? Is it music? Certain instruments? The VW Van? Not wearing a bra? Tie Dye? Dreadlocks? I would love to know what you think.

After today I can take myself off the hippie list, for sure. The closest I get to hippie is at Wheatland when I don't shower for three days, stand in line to tie-dye something that I will never wear, find myself toe tapping to the banjo and the fiddle, & dancing like I don't have a care in the world. I also feel the love and peace at Wheatland. So, for one weekend I am a suburban, people lovin' hippie!

Peace & Love

Traits of My Men

I can't believe I am falling in love with Edward Cullen. He's a vampire. A fictional character. I am not really falling in love with him - just fantasizing. What would it be like to have a man put himself between you and any potential harm every time, and KNOW that he could win? Or be kissed passionately despite the fact that doing so made him want to drink your blood (and therefore kill you)? Or the exhiliration you would feel riding on his back while he races through the woods - carrying you like you weigh nothing? Is it just me?

It's not the author's writing style. Or the lure of vampire stories - though that adds to the 'forbidden love' feeling. It's just the all-consuming, passionate love story. We are never too old for a good love story. But, admittedly, I feel a little too old to be this smitten....

I guess I can add 'nice vegetarian vampires' to my list of fantasy men. The list that started in 2nd grade with Peter Pan and grew to include Brad Pitt, Jesus and now Vegetarian Vampires.

Before any of you go worrying about my poor husband you need to know something. My fantasies are based in my attraction to the spirit of a person.

Peter Pan did his own thing by not growing up, yet caring enough for Wendy to consider leaving Neverland. And Brad Pitt, well that attraction really came from his character in Legends of The Fall. His long hair and rebellious ways -but when he fell in love he fell hard. And Jesus - again the long hair - and the good heart, but a revolutionary. They all have supernatural powers, too, which adds the spiritual element of life that I am so fond of.

Well, I married a guy that had long hair when I met him, he is kind and gentle, but also doesn't put up with my crap, and is more rebellious (mostly adventurous) than I am in many ways. I think these stories remind me that I married a man with the qualities that I am, and always have been, attracted to.
(Kevin and I in 1994)

I'm Spiritual But Not Religious & Nature is My Church!

How do you explain your spiritual beliefs to people that you know? I don't know the best way, so I am asking you. You see, HOW you choose to believe in God is your business, not mine. I know many people don't feel this way about how I believe in God. So I ask again, how do I explain in a concise matter the layers upon layers of beliefs that I have accumulated? Preferably, without starting a war or receiving pity in statements like "God can wait for you; I am worried about your soul; or I'll pray for you"?

I can't do it quickly, you see, and really let you know me. This post will be the first of many about spirituality. I am primarily a student of Life, God, Love. This is what I do and who I am. I need a one-liner. It must walk the line of being open to me and my intuition but just as open to you and yours.

With religion I felt that my intuition (or soul-consciousness) was being stifled to make way for man-made doctrine. As a child, I knew God innately and intimately. I saw Her when I looked out over my lake, in the trees that changed color in the fall, the small reptiles that were abundant out our front door. I felt Him support me when I swam underwater, felt alone or scared, or misunderstood. God was everywhere and loved everything and everyone, I always knew this (always is not an exaggeration :) ).

I also knew at a young age that my parents didn't care for organized religion, but I never knew WHY. Religion appealed to me because I wanted to know and talk more about God. I began to see and feel church in the every day living. When I needed God I went outside (prayer?). I saw how good my "unsaved" mom was to other people - the poor, the lame, those that could not do for themselves (service?). I felt warmness and love during holidays, when my mom entertained (which was often) and when she dropped everything for her friends in need (tradition? & fellowship?). The only thing I lacked was knowledge. I like books. I wanted to learn more about God. Who is this "man"? Who is Jesus?

I married a wonderful man raised in a church who wanted me to go with him on random Sundays in college and eventually weekly when we moved back home. I said yes to attending church. I supposed most people would be welcoming but by the time I was older I was quite aware and weary of the hypocrisy of many Christians. The closest I got to Atheism ever was a feminist rant and protest against the Maleness of God.

Attending Kevin's home church I began to know so many wonderful people. I learned to sing the songs by heart and eventually say most of the communion liturgy without looking. I also noticed my core beliefs changing about issues that I had previously been open minded about. For instance; I began to believe that a person HAS to accept Jesus to go to Heaven; living without money is more spiritual than living with money; and gay people should not get married but could still have a civil union (this is still pretty liberal, I understand, but it wasn't me - I could feel my mind closing).

Wonderfully, my mind opened in other areas it was closed. I learned about the group of people that refer to themselves as Christian. They are beautiful, fabulous people, really. They love you immediately - for being in church and being a part of their family. Guess what? I amazingly learned they are not the only hypocrites in the world! We all are or can be - and it was eye opening to see this from the "other side". They support you and take care of you when ups and downs in life happen. I am still friends with many from my church and I do feel loved by them, even now. Thanks to a member at our church, Kevin did not go jobless for long after his layoff.

Here is where I get a little skeptical, though. I don't attribute these wonderful people and relationships to CHURCH. No, the church was the building and the community that I met them in. I attribute our friendships and the love and support to God. Any religion, any denomination, any group of people can come together in common good and love their fellow human beings. God brought me to this specific church, these people, and their goodness and I am completely greatful for that. For me the details on what each denomination believes, how to say the liturgy, who can and can't go to Heaven are created by the Church, and that is the part that I can't subscribe to.

One time a very religious friend of mine was engaging me in a discussion about the sin of the gay person. I was weary to discuss it, as I am very aware that we all have our own beliefs and no one is usually ready to concede (wonder if that's why weapons get involved? LOL) She said something that struck me then as absolute truth - but she was using it in the anti-gay argument to support her claim that you are not born gay. She said "God does not make mistakes". Little did she know it totally supports my claim that being gay is not a mistake. So no matter what side of an issue you are on I know that God created each of us to be who we are in our fullest potential. If that takes you on a religious path, I am happy for you if you are happy. For me, I have come full circle. On occassion Kevin and I attend a Unity church. We moved from a house on a wonderful street because we found a house surrounded by nature in the city. Same schools, same distance to Meijer, but with nature out our back door.

I don't always know how to tell people about my "religion" and need a one-liner. Here are a few that meet my needs: My religion is love. It is being the best person I can be and seeing the best in others. It is setting boundaries for myself to give me a chance to thrive - such as saying "no" when it doesn't fit who-i-am. It is smiling to strangers. It is helping those that need help. It is hugging and loving my friends and family. It is providing a warm and loving home for my children and guests. It is giving people a second chance and sometimes a third. It is doing my very best. It is believing that Heaven is NOW not some crowning moment after I have lived in fear and hope that I am good enough. It is knowing that I am good enough. It is seeing myself in you and you in me. It is loving the beauty and magnificance of the earth. This is who we are. Isn't it Divine?

The funny thing, Katie, is that in spite of the euphoria one feels upon entering paradise, cloaked in miracles, surrounded by angels, love, and unimaginable beauty, it gradually becomes all they know, commonplace, ordinary, and then, shockingly... invisible.

Yep, I'm talking about life on earth.

Yippee Kai-Ye,
The Universe
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