What's So Golden About the Golden Rule?

The Golden Rule receives a lot of attention. Parents and teachers use it to teach kids how to behave. Ministers use it to preach kindness. It is a celebrity rule among the millions of rules. We all know it. I have a love/fear relationship with it. I'll tell you why.

If you think The Golden Rule (treat others as you wish to be treated) means to always treat others nicely, with respect, with kindness, & with love at all times, then you might share the same unsettling feeling I often have. This feeling is the "I don't want to, but I guess I have to" feeling.

Your neighbor wants to bust down your door and give you the latest gossip - you might think The Golden Rule would say "don't be rude, just let her in". But your head is saying "No, I am tired and cranky and I want to be alone." The Golden Rule wins and you answer the door tired and cranky; your neighbor can tell and takes it personally. OR If someone consistently snubs you, belittles you, or gives you the cold shoulder - you may begin to be extra nice in hopes of changing their mind about you. Using the Golden Rule on them doesn't change them and you eventually become sad and resentful. Your resentment becomes the elephant in the room - you aren't being honest and you are not communicating.

The Golden Rule always works. Always. However, it often works against us until we recognize that we are not responsible for other people's happiness and they are not responsible for ours.

The flip side of The Golden Rule is this:

If you want to be honest with others, let them be honest with you.

If you want your friend to respect you, respect yourself and respect your friend.

If you want someone to communicate with you, try communicating that to them.

If you want time and space to put yourself first, allow others the time and space to put themselves first.

If you give what is easy for you to give, allow others to give what is easy for them to give.

If you want others to be nice all of the time, well, your screwed. "Nice" is subjective. Unless you can be nice all of the time, don't ask others to be.

The Golden Rule is not only about being nice, you see. It's about allowing. I see it as "Allow others to be who they are as you hope others will allow you to be who you are." The next step, and the part that really makes it Golden, is this: you allow without expectation. You can hope that others will allow you to be who you are, but you won't demand it. You will still BE WHO YOU ARE, but if others can't accept it, that isn't your problem. And without resentment, you can still give that to them. That my friends, is how the Golden Rule got it's name.

If you have time, I highly recommend this video from Byron Katie. The young girl oozes nice and kind. Watch how the Golden Rule can be flipped around on her. Applying this to my life consistently is my goal.