Feeling Ferguson

Yesterday a Missouri grand jury decided not to indict an officer for the killing of an unarmed black youth. Personally, I am tired of innocent people dying at the hands of the people that are supposed to protect and SERVE. I am left to conclude, after countless news stories, that the profession of police officer is attractive to narcissistic and power-hungry people with pent up anger and aggression. Generally. I know there are people that go into the field hoping to protect and serve ALL and generalizations and stereotypes are what got us into this mess, so let's drop them all together.

A white police man killed an unarmed black teenager. That is the problem and it's a real one. There is a lack of understanding on our part, as white people, about what it is like to be a black person. The anger and pain that the black community is feeling isn't just because of Michael Brown's death. It seems simplistic to say, but the looting, the burning, the overwhelming anger comes from the culmination of mistreatment of blacks at the hands of whites - violent deaths and traumatic shaming, among others. The pain of their ancestors is passed down through the generations, and added to it are the oppressive stories of people they know personally, and the fact that it doesn't seem to stop. They are a terrorized people, never knowing when life might turn on them. Will it be while walking through their own neighborhood, into a store, sitting in school?

I don't profess to be any kind of expert on race relations. What I do know a lot of, though, is love and humanity and how we feebly, often poorly, attempt to share a world with people that we don't completely understand. It is unfortunate that our shared humanity doesn't take precedent when we look at each other. We see differences before we see similarities, we judge right and wrong based on our culture, religious beliefs and upbringing - we forget our shared humanity. But rather than wrap the sad Ferguson outcome in a ton of philosophy, I'd like to share where my heart is today.

• I'm sad that a mother lost her son.
• I am tired of police brutality.
• And that too often the two go together.
• The cycle of violence needs to stop and all parties are ultimately responsible for the laws they break and crimes they perpetrate. If our system can't hold a person responsible for their crime, karma will. Something will.
• I can feel the grief of an entire group of people, not because I am immersed in it, but because I can imagine what the continued oppression would do to my kids and I if we lived it.
• Imagination doesn't compare to living it.
• What can I do? What can you do? What can we do?
• I don't want to read another race relation quote from MLK, Jr., Nelson Mandela or Maya Angelou on Facebook that isn't followed by a personal statement. Yes, they are posted by well-intended white people. Let's stop having hard conversations using quotes in place of words and lets speak our own minds. How does Ferguson make YOU feel?
• Facebook can make anything of importance seem one dimensional and artificial. 
• I think it's hard for white people to speak about black lives - we don't want to piss people off by saying the wrong thing. We really don't have a clue what to say, but until we admit we don't know (our regurgitated quotes can't save us from our ignorance), we won't learn and we can't grow.
• I'm not claiming that I know that Facebook is where the conversation stops for people posting quotes. Hopefully, we white people are sitting down in groups asking how we can create change - formulating a plan and putting it into action. Maybe we are sitting our children down and telling them the story of Trayvon and Michael and the countless others and how unfortunate it is to be black in this country. Maybe we ask them what they can do to create change.
• What can I do? For the love of all people, what can I do?
• I must find a way to meet anger with compassion, brutality with understanding (grasping at grace with this one), fear with love, and hate with courage.
• It will be hard for me to ever understand why Darren Wilson killed Michael Brown. I don't care to debate the so-called reasons, they will never convince me. How can a man shoot a child that posed no threat to said man's life? I don't know, but I do know that the breed of man that could do such a thing is deeply misguided - which is unfortunate for all of us. That said, I can have compassion for his upbringing/learned hate and fear, but in our society a person pays for their criminal misconduct in prison. He will not be and that is not okay.
• I can't expect our nation, with its undercurrent of fear, to make changes immediately when faced with the fallout of an obvious wrong action. I do expect that we will not let Michael Brown or Trayvon Martin's memories fade when cable news finds another top story. 
• Their deaths have led us to a potential pulse point in history - a very important place in time when we have an opportunity to learn, grow and change. We must raise our consciousness around race, violence and its effects in order to turn the tide. We have to admit that we all fail our human family when we turn the other way, judge a child, or allow violent and abusive behavior to continue. 
• We fail our children when we don't listen to them or believe them. The bullying, shaming and abuse perpetrated against our children in school, at home, out in the community - it happens and it is real. We need to stop these hate-driven crimes if we see them. *every child = our child
• Our personal history of pain gets in the way of everything we do and until we work on peace and love within, we will be incapable of sharing it. This sounds like a platitude, but it is the greatest and most profound spiritual teaching that I know of. Where you find anger, fear, insecurity you will find aggression, judgement and unhealthy competition, all of which lead back to Ferguson.
• I don't have the magic fix for the issues in Ferguson or Florida or Michigan. The best I can do is be love, see our oneness, act in the face of brutality and care for my community. I can also vote, write letters to politicians, organize a peaceful protest or vigil and use my voice.

As a nation, we have a lot of things backwards and there are many things I would like to change. I will say, though, my greatest wish would be to live in a country that truly embraces a life of freedom and justice for all. It is our unalienable right, right?

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.

That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Birth, Death and Living In Between

Yesterday was a day of life and a day of death. At 6:00 am I woke up to a message that my neighbor was in labor - the message was left at 4:00 am. I was supposed to be present for her home birth to offer support in the form of energy healing. I dressed quickly, ran over to their house, opened the door to find mama in the birthing pool in the middle of the living room and dad snuggling his new baby girl. A happy scene. I took some pictures of the newly expanded family and left them to nuzzle on their beautiful baby girl. Life.

I went to work where I received a text that my high school boyfriend's mother had just passed away. I was conflicted about whether or not to attend the funeral, send a card, do nothing, etc. My mind poured over all of the scenarios, giving me no clear answer on what to do. And then, Robin Williams. Dead of apparent suicide. Stunning. Sad. An amazing man. Yes, wonderful comedian. Yes, famous actor. Yes, recovering addict. For me, though, there was a perspective that was missing - a potential part of him that was not understood. There have been great tributes to the actor/comedian Robin, articles on mental illness, sharing of the suicide prevention hotline, Hollywood reactions to his death. I have read a lot of them. Not one article or tribute has contained the words that I want to hear. Need to hear.

Addictions or not, mental illness or not, famous or not - Life Is Hard. Especially for those of us that feel everything. We have our hearts on the pulse of life and the peace of death. The knowing, that some of us have, that we are here to learn lessons and live life as fully as possible until we are met again with the open arms of amazing grace and unconditional love, is both what keeps us going and what can also make death less terrifying than living. To be born into a world of feeling is to live with one's heart open to both unquantifiable love and immense pain. Life does not take it easy on us. It gives us challenges cloaked in relationships, feel-good chemicals, the duality of love and hate/good and bad, and religions to further confuse us about our salvation. Many of us crawl through life terrified of the future, angry at the past. Others choose to live big, embrace the adventure, ride the roller coaster. And some of us timidly take on challenges that excite us when we succeed, and anger us when we fail. Any way you live it, life leads to death. You can't avoid it.

I walk through this life in two worlds. I live in the physical world - a world with my family, friends, bills, violence, temptations, politics, beauty, kindnesses, art, poetry, helpers, healers, takers and givers. I also live in a spiritual world. A world beyond the five senses. A world of energy, unconditional love, spirit guides, angels, and a pureness of body, mind and spirit. This is a world that exists within and beyond the physical world. Our unlimited and expansive home -  a place where we are fully embraced and accepted for who we are. It is amazing grace and within the veil, a life of joy and peace.

I want to believe that maybe Robin knew this too. His crystal blue, sparkling eyes of depth and love seemed to indicate he did. Maybe he no longer felt or saw evidence of the spiritual world in the physical world, and he was pained for it. We are the ones left behind, and that is always hard. We try to understand it - but only have our own lenses (yes, me too) from which to do so. What do we do next to honor him? Yes, he should be revered for his uncanny abilities in comedic relief. Of course his life will be talked about and analyzed because he was a celebrity. No, do not let us forget those that struggle with mental illness and depression and know no other choice but ending the pain. Let's do what we can to understand and support them. In my heart, I feel Robin Williams made a choice yesterday and I believe he did it knowing where he was going.

Living with a sense of knowing what awaits me on the other side has been my blessing and my curse. When the pain of this life looms large and the promise of peace in the next life is all you have, your choice is easy. I wonder, why stay? I also understand that no matter where my soul resides, the physical or spiritual world, love surrounds me and all will be well. This promise keeps be grounded in the world of duality, ready to adventure through.

In between birth and death is life - and it's a mighty hill to climb. Beautiful, difficult, painful, full of beauty and love.

God Bless Us, EVERYONE!

Please watch this video before reading my comments. Thanks to Maggie for posting it on her blog.

http://current.com/items/89609576/what_is_your_definition_of_religion.htm

Then consider this:

It is my opinion that saying that your religion is the ONLY religion is similar to saying that my country is the best country. If that doesn't seems to strike a chord, you must believe that your country is the best country. I wonder how many billions of people would disagree with that.

I realize that many Americans believe that we must stay loyal to America despite our concerns with it's practices and policies, because this country gives us so much. For the most part, I agree. I think America is a wonderful place to live. I don't always agree with our policies and practices. That does not make me anti-American. It makes me want America to be better. Just as I believe I am always growing to be a better person.

Religions across the world not only believe that they have the only path to God, they talk about it. I don't think that the belief is what gets us into trouble as much as the talking about it. The bragging, the teasing, the I-am-better-than-you-are mentality. The stronger you believe that your way is the only way (which many say is required for "TRUE" faith) the stronger you react to anything that is different from your way. Your EGO says "fight" when challenged. Your EGO is not GOD. Your EGO is the voice in your head that says "I need to be right or I am nothing".

It is the same larger EGO that nations hold when they bully, fight and go to war. One nation believes that their government holds the key to everlasting peace and prosperity. The other believes that peace and prosperity come through THEIR form of government. Asking the officials of either nation how the individuals in their country feel about their policies will not garnish an honest answer - you must ask the people themselves. If you ask ME: if a country really wants to do good in the world they would stop genocide. But genocide is largely ignored. I want people across the world to be loved, safe and happy. If that means that they choose another form of government, so be it. If we push people to accept democracy, we can't whine and cry when they push us to accept something other than democracy.

If we ask a religious head what each individual member believes, I do not think that we would hear ONE version of the truth across the membership, among ANY religion. The real truth is you can only know what you believe. You cannot know that what you believe is the best for everyone, the right path for everyone, the only way for anyone but you.

Religion is a personal experience among a doctrine of perceived truths. Your personal experience cannot and never will be the same as any other member of that religion. You may have similarities and understandings, or you may be so far from anothers beliefs that you barely recognize them as a fellow human. But the truth is the only similarity we all share is our humanity. In our humanity what we need more than anything is love, understanding, respect, and kindness. If you are unable to give that away freely, how can you stand in anger when it cannot or will not be given to you? I am happy to be American, I am blessed. I do not believe for a moment, though, that I am better than a Canadian, a Mexican, an Iraqi, a Colombian, a Norwegian, etc. I am just me. I have my beliefs based on how I make sense of this world and they work for me. I think any member of any other nation or religion can have just as much assurance in their beliefs as I have in mine and NOT offend or take away from mine IN THE SLIGHTEST. I mean that. Not at all.

Fighting for anything just causes more fighting. So it would also make sense that love might just cause more love. Peace, more peace. Acceptance, more acceptance. Respect, more respect. GET IT??? BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. You be it. If you can be it first, I bet you anything - others will follow. (Thanks to Ghandi for his wise words)

The Mastery of Love - A Book Suggestion

Relationships are hard. Right? Or no? If you say no, you may very well be a spiritual master - & we need to talk. If you say "yes" you are like the millions of people in relationships that feel unloved, undesired, unappreciated, stressed out, lonely, unhappy, and frustrated. What if I tell you that there is a specific book that has all of the answers that you need to become that spiritual master of love, and said it in simple, 'holy crap! this is easy to understand' terms? Guess what? There is such a book.

I don't know why I haven't been more specific on this blog about the books that have transformed my life. I have quite a collection. Rather than spend my money on therapy I have spent it on books (probably enough money to buy a Master's level education in therapy - okay not really - but close.) The thing that I have received from books that I haven't found in a specific therapist is specifics. I love therapists, and believe that they have their place in healing, too. We have a wonderful therapist for our children and for family issues that need immediate resolving. There is nothing like having a live person to talk to when needing an immediate third-party objective view on something. BUT, I have always needed something that only books could provide - the words of the wise at my fingertips, available around the clock and affordable. In reading books I found answers from people that have both a spiritual and relational perspective. I also sought books for many reasons. One, because I wanted to know how to get along better with people, not the analyzation of why I am not. (I already do tons of analyzation on my own, anyway. I think I have out analyzed any therapist I have ever seen so nothing they say ever surprises me.) I wanted to stop blaming my childhood & the people around me and take personal responsibility. I needed to find a way to change my thoughts so that I could be more at peace and more understanding of who-I-am in the world. I also tend to talk a lot and therapy isn't financially conducive to long-winded answers.

So, I pick up books. I have always loved reading for it's relaxing & quiet support. And for reasons that are probably innate in me, I have always been drawn to the personal development books. As a teenager I bought Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus (from which I still use the useful metaphors). In college I bought books on depression, mother-daughter relationships, and being happy. (I'll give you one guess of how I felt then.) Now, I mostly buy books from spiritual/personal development authors. Most of the books I buy now can't be found in the regular personal development section - though some of the more popular authors do reside there. Now, you can find me in the New Age section just as often, if not more. That is the section where you will find this wonderful book I am rereading.

As I mentioned yesterday, there are things going on around me in the lives of others that have awakened a new sense of desire to know exactly how love works. I am speaking, in the cases I am aware of, specifically of Eros love, the kind of love we have for a spouse or a lover. Whether the desire to reread this book came before the awareness of the issues that surround me, or I went back to the book innately knowing I would need it, I don't know. I do know that this book is eye-opening and a must-read for anyone in any relationship of any kind. In other words, unless you are agoraphobic you probably have use for this book.

There are some people that have no interest in reading self-help books and I respect that. But if you are at all interested in having more love and peace in your relationships than you thought ever possible - READ THIS BOOK! If you have already read the book - reread it with me. I wish that I could have a "book club" event with all of my blog readers in person (because you know how fun book club can be), but I can't imagine the attendance would be very good. However, I can suggest this book and discuss it with you via email, phone or blog comments.

And the book? Have I built it up enough? Are you sitting at the edge of your seat in anticipation?

Here is an excerpt from Don Miguel Ruiz's The Mastery of Love:

In every relationship there are two halves of that relationship. One half is you, and the other half is your son, your daughter, your father, your mother, your friends, your partner. Of those halves, your are only responsible for your half; you are not responsible for the other half. It doesn't matter how close you think you are, or how strongly you think you love, there is no way you can be responsible for what is inside another person's head. You can never know what that person feels, what that person believes, all the assumptions she makes. You don't know anything about that person. That is the truth, but what do we do? We try to be responsible for the other half, and that is why relationships in hell are based on fear, drama and the war of control. - pg 66

And, If you take your happiness and put it in someone's hands, sooner or later, she is going to break it. If you give your happiness to someone else, she can always take it away. Then if happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love, you are responsible for your happiness. We can never make anyone responsible for our own happiness .... It doesn't matter how much you love someone, you are never going to be what that person wants you to be. -pg 53.

The Mastery of Love is filled on every page (there are 205 of them) with the formula that our relationships need to heal. And I'll give you a hint: self-love is a key ingredient. Buy it. Read it. Live it. (And then let me know how it's going.)

Footnote: Don Miguel Ruiz's books: The Four Agreements, The Voice of Knowledge and this one, The Mastery of Love, have all changed my life. I specifically found The Voice of Knowledge to be one of the most eye-opening books I have read in my lifetime.

Breathing a Sigh of Yes We Can!

My heart is so full. With hope. With love. With gratitude. I am so honored to be a part of this historical moment. My older two children even seemed to understand the depth of this moment in history. I don't find the moment historical simply because our next President is an African American, which is amazing beyond words, but also because of the grass-roots effort that came together to win this election. I have found him nothing but gracious to his opponents, level headed and deep-hearted. He has inspired people who have never before voted to vote. If I were on the other side of this campaign, I would hope that I would at least respect the historic and inspirational campaign that he ran.

Many of you have seen this video, but I didn't watch it in full until today.



And I also found pictures like the one below all over the internet. In this case it is a woman in China, the world is celebrating with us.

Spreading the Wealth - It's Good for You

Spreading the wealth. It's gotten such a bad rap this political season. Here is my personal take on it.

I am not wealthy or poor. I am middle class. Living paycheck to paycheck. Staying home with my kids (for the most part) because to put them in daycare would require a starting salary of $36,000 or more - which is a hard one to "walk in to". Our family is one lay-off away from the poor house. Kevin works his butt off so that does not happen. We have little debt - some but not much. We have an excellent credit score. This is who we are fiscally.

Who I am as a person is what makes me a "liberal". I believe in sharing. I share anything I can - my ablility and happiness to watch my friend's children when they need a break or the help. My food and home to entertain friends for dinner and build better relationships. Homemade goodies or little gifts for people I love. Dishes if someone is hosting an event or people recovering from medical issues. My time for school events and volunteer activities. These are things that I happily give away. If I had money, I would share even more.

I very much believe that this is what makes our country great. Not capitalism. Not materialism. Not who can have the most stuff. But who we are and how we treat each other.

On Halloween day I read a status on Facebook that said: in preparation for new tax plans we should take candy out of certain kid bags and give it to those who don't have as much. Spread the wealth around ya know.

I responded that as a parent that would be fine with me. My kids don't need gobs of candy to be satisfied. An amazing thing happened that night. My son decided, on his own, to share his candy. We had run out of candy and the door was closed - he was outside. He came into the house and said "Mom, I am sharing my candy with kids that don't have very much." He melted my heart (and the hearts of those in the room). He did this all on his own, unprompted. I know he has a big heart - this proved it. Yes, he earned that candy. Yes, he could have kept it all for himself. I understand that to "make" him give it out could have easily created the opposite effect. Foot stomping, tears, yelling, "i hate yous". If I had forced the sharing, it still is the right thing to do. It's just some people who don't share naturally have temper tantrums when they are asked to share.

I know a few very wealthy people that don't want to "spread the wealth". These same people don't like to pay full price for anything, they enjoy handouts from friends and family without reciprocating, & they look for deals everywhere. They have the means to pay full price and yet they avoid it at all costs. I call them "cheap" or "moochers". They want handouts and yet they don't want to give handouts to others. I just can't fathom being that selfish. I know the main difference between us - I want the best for humanity, not just for myself. In my experience, giving is better and more fulfilling than receiving.

My feelings and opinions on this topic have more to do with humanity than with Republican vs. Democrat. I have never been a political-minded person. I have always been a human-minded person. The negative spinning on Obama's "spreading the wealth" has riled me up a bit, though. I realized, on Halloween, that it comes down to whether or not sharing is natural for you. And if not, can you grow to see why it's essential to a peaceful experience of life?

I just read this in Marianne Williamson's book The Healing Of America:

Within the next ten years, America will have a renaissance or a catastrophe. Something is going to happen to take us back to who we are. If America were an individual seeking counseling, a good therapist might say: "Number one, you're not really sober. Number two, you're obsessed with material things and your spiritual life is begging for attention. Number three, you rarely take responsibility for your own problems and project a lot of blame onto other people. Number four, you've neglected your kids. Number five, the size of the elaborate security system around your house shows paranoid tendencies. Number six, you have a lot of amends to make. Number seven, your attraction to generals is neurotic."

Whether the patient takes the cue or not remains to be seen. But for a person or for a nation, everything will erupt in time if we do not attend to the inner life.

This book was written in 1997.

Be It First Before You Expect It

My friend Sarah came to visit a few weekends ago. We had a few drinks at a bar on Thursday night and then Friday we went to an antique store to find goodies for her vintage kitsch collection. After our visit to the downtown antique store we went to a local coffee joint to have a coffee and some good conversation.

We hit topics such as: politics, abortion, religion, spirituality, gay rights, the economy... it was a good convo. 'Specially fun because we weren't defending our stance on issues but sharing our beliefs. Out of the corner of my eye I saw this young (younger than us) girl sitting at her computer. I later told Sarah I KNEW she was listening, and Sarah said she saw her look up at us a few times. She started packing up to go and sure enough stopped at our table.

She was shaking. She went on to say that she had overheard our conversation. She went into a personal story of struggles, fear of crazy religious people, to a moment of clarity, to a church parking lot, to being welcomed by the church members, to a personal relationship with Jesus, to inviting us to her church. Her story was compelling and sweet. Sarah and I could relate to her moment of clarity and her fear of crazy religious people. I can relate to her personal relationship with Jesus (I don't want to speak for Sarah) and her wanting to share what has worked for her with others.

Scandalicous Suburbia is my testimony to the choices and beliefs that have worked for me. I fully realize that I have opened myself up by blogging in that I could potentially have many readers. Or I could be blogging to only 1 reader - me. Either way, once written it is not my choice who reads this blog. People find me and visit me for a number of different reasons I am sure, "becoming a hippie" is topping the list so far of readers that find me through Google.

I don't hold any expectations of my blog changing minds or lives. I don't sit around hoping that my blog gets read by thousands of people and makes me famous. Blogging isn't meant to be my life's work, I know that. But I still enjoy it. It's fun & I do it for me, really. I do it to process my thoughts and live who-I-am out-loud, something I didn't do much of until recently. So, if you read it, you may hear me talk about Byron Katie and The Work because her process on how to live in the moment changed my life. You might hear me mention TUT, the website that sends me a fabulous, funny daily email from The Universe. I have read and loved Seth books by Jane Roberts, Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald Walsch, Don Miguel Ruiz (specifically The Voice of Knowledge), Wayne Dyer, Pema Chodron, The Tao Te Ching, M. Scott Peck (specifically Further Along The Road Less Traveled), and A Course in Miracles to name a few. These people/books may all get mentioned on my blog because it is MY blog and they were enlightening and important to my path.

What I do not understand is the belief that some hold that their way of life (their choice of religion/books/beliefs/etc) is the only way of life and should be a one size fits all for everyone. What happens when we begin proselytizing to other people is that we begin to look naive, closed minded and cold. The political tactic of making the other guy look bad has never sat well with me, no matter what party. Why aren't politicians talking about what they will bring to the office instead of what the other guy won't bring? And religion: I have known people who hoped to bring followers to their religion, talk to the potential converts like they are stupid and naive, somehow not ready for the "one truth", & disappointing The Lord until the moment they join the "one true" church. The girl that told us HER church was the place that WE could find healing, believed that with all of her heart and stated in simply and lovingly. When she left I loved her for being so brave as to share her sorrowful and triumphant story with two strangers. An amazing testimony from her soul. It was her story about her path to freedom. I can hear it and love her. I don't have to make it her story about my path to freedom.

I have my own story about me. I have shared parts of it here, on Scandalicious Suburbia. I have shared it openly. I don't expect everyone to agree with me. I don't hope for anything specific by sharing it. For me, it's about opening up to Life. Just by writing and clicking "Publish Post" I am opening myself up to the world. I have learned that when I do this the world opens itself up to me, too. However, my sense of self, my passion, my heart is not wrapped up in the comments or the feedback or how many new friends I receive or people I convert to my way of thinking. My self-identity is only wrapped up in Me. How I feel. What I think about. Whether I am being loving, open, and kind to myself. It's only when I am being good to myself that I can be good to others. I play my music and others benefit (if they like the sound of it, that is). Changing my music to theirs to win them over makes no sense and making people change their music to mine to gain followers is loveless.

This video, from Abraham (another of my favorites), is an amazing testimony, for me, to the value of living Your Life without expectations and judgements of others.

If We Are All Going Down I Might As Well Have Fun

If I believe the news today I may be on a sinking ship, similar to the "unsinkable" Titanic (or USA?). If so, I know I have a few options in taking on the imminent danger. According to the movie, Titanic, I can:

• Lie down on my bed. Masturbate. Or have sex with my husband if he is available. Wait - I don't think this option is in the movie, but it would be more fun than simply lying down, closing my eyes and drowning.
• Find a way to die before I die. Cuz that makes sense.
• Run. Did ya know that zig zagging is especially confusing to water?
• Hide. Another option. Maybe the water won't find/kill me if I hide in the bathtub. It has a drain y'all.
• Jump. Yeah, I might survive that free-fall.
• Count failures like sheep. Die in misery.
• Find a lifeboat. Try not to look into the eyes of the people that don't have a lifeboat. Sort of like the Republicans. Every man/woman/child for themselves. Richest people first. Gay? Good Luck.
• Help the others find lifeboats. Or at least help them find peace by continuing to play my music. (I dance to the tune of LOVE - if ya haven't caught on). You know like the quartet in the movie. Yeah, you get it.

It appears that only the lifeboats can potentially save my life, but at the expense of another's. Yes, that is how it is. I get that.

But how do the ship's officers decide who survives and who goes down with the ship? In the movie there is a definite class divide - the rich are more worth saving than the poor. The third-class passengers were locked away & didn't even have the choice- to run, hide, jump overboard or try for a lifeboat. Locked down in the lowest levels of the ship for fear that they would impede the survival of the elite. I agree that the children should be helped first. But not just the rich, (white, straight, smart) important kids. All kids. And to help all kids you sometimes have to help their family unit.

So, what would I do? Well, because of who I am, I would pick the last option. I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of being cowardly in order to survive. If and when I have the chance to share my music with people that are afraid, left behind, angry, or unsure, I will take it. Always.

BUT If I am locked down in the belly of the ship, with no one to share my music with - well then I will go out in ecstasy playing with myself.

Feminism vs. Stop Taking Life So Seriously

I truly believe that Zen (or Peace) is achieved internally. You choose to be in a state of Zen or you don't. We are overloaded with rules on how to interact with people so as not to offend. Or, we react negatively to others because we are told that we are supposed to be offended. Have you ever paused (after you've reacted) to wonder why you reacted so strongly? What if how peaceful you feel is influenced by how you react to life's crazy little moments, and not because the crazy little moments exist?

A few years ago, I went to the mall to pick out a new wedding band (mine had vanished). I was in a good mood. I was by myself, picking out expensive jewelry. REALLY good mood. 3 hours later, despite my inablility to make a decision, I maintained my good attitude. The people working with me were very patient. I joked, I laughed, I almost cried (when it hit me what I had lost: grandma's diamonds). But I had fun.

I was leaving the mall when I came to an escalator that wasn't working. In the middle of the escalator were two teenage boys playing around and looking over the side. I started a little "escalator jog" up the middle, between them. I was wearing jogging pants, so I thought I would put them to use.

When I got to them I said "Did you guys stop this thing?" with a smile on my face. One of them answered "Naw" and the other looked at me and made a Pffffff sound and said "What's yo name?" to which I answered "Oh, I am too old for you" as I jogged up past them. I thought it was over. The banter. But No, he replies "But yo ass ain't".....

Mind starts racing... Huh?..... I should turn around and say something about respecting the ladies. Wait, am I really offended?....Nope, I guess not enough - just keep going.... Still in a good mood.

I called Kevin to apologize for being so late and I told him the story. When I got to the "punch line" I started to crack up. I have laughed every time I have told this story. What is so funny? The comments were unexpected, but mostly that my 30 year old booty appealed to a random high school boy! HA! Wow! When someone compliments me, even in an offhand way, it's my choice to accept it and say thank you, or not and get offended.

I recently had a freind (woman) say "At the risk of sounding queer, I want to tell you how pretty I think you are". I accepted her compliment. Later, I wondered why can't we compliment people without starting a sentence "at the risk of sounding queer, sexist, ageist, etc"? And why can't we also accept a compliment without explaining it away to them or to ourselves? It's hard to do. I wanted to tell her "Oh, no you are so silly", but instead I just said "thanks". It wasn't a game. It was a genuine compliment and a peaceful acceptance.

I know that the peace I feel or don't feel is my decision. I am at peace with some cellulite and an aging body. BUT especially when it is complimented. So the feminist in me, who would have turned around and taught the boys a lesson, was not in that evening. I was happy, peaceful and light hearted and so I shut down the "reactor" in my head and kept walking. That boy certainly didn't earn my respect, and that was HIS choice. My choice was to move on. My choice was to smile and take the compliment, however offhanded it was.

There is a great song from my youth that I am proud to say still applied to ME that night:

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up front
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring--Sir Mix-a-Lot

What It Takes to Be a Hippie

My friend C stopped by with her girls during their bike ride today. It was great to see them. The girls are so sweet. The older is eight and she informed me today that her mom is a hippie. (C was on the phone so I don't think she could confirm or deny the charges at the time).

Me: Oh, really?
Girl: Yes, do you know what makes a person a hippie?
Me: No, not exactly. Tell me.
Girl: Well, first you have to like the Banjo (her mom plays a little). Second, you have to like Wheatland (as many of us do). Third, you have to have a car with a lot of room (uh, this is Minivan, USA!)
Me: Well, I think you are right then. Your mom qualifies!

C is off the phone and says she doesn't think she is a hippie. Together, we all come up with a few more G-rated hippie qualifiers. One attainable qualifier was mentioned - underarm hair. Evidently, according to the girls, we have plenty of time to grow it out for Wheatland. And our leg hair. And our toe hair. All of the girls are laughing at the idea of our toes hairy, our legs hairy and our underarms! Ewwwww! C and I mention out-loud that hippies sometimes do other hippie things, but leave it at that.

I wouldn't call my friend a hippie. She is progressive. And natural. And organic. And she is convinced that she would have to own a VW Van, not just a car with a lot of room. So, she's not a hippie. Case solved.

What makes a person a hippie today? Any ideas? Still free love and long hair and mind altering substances? Is it music? Certain instruments? The VW Van? Not wearing a bra? Tie Dye? Dreadlocks? I would love to know what you think.

After today I can take myself off the hippie list, for sure. The closest I get to hippie is at Wheatland when I don't shower for three days, stand in line to tie-dye something that I will never wear, find myself toe tapping to the banjo and the fiddle, & dancing like I don't have a care in the world. I also feel the love and peace at Wheatland. So, for one weekend I am a suburban, people lovin' hippie!

Peace & Love