Intention to be Successful

I followed a nice car this morning on my drive to work. It was a convertible Lexus C-something-or-other. I was looking at it and admiring. I thought "would I buy that car if I could?" and I immediately answered "no". But I would let my husband buy it if he really really wanted it, and I would take it for a spin now and then. And then I got analyzing my answer and why I would be seen in it - but not everyday. I guess, it's because I am comfortable with luxury but not desperate for it. I was raised partially in the lap of it. It was never directly ours and my parents argued about money so much I thought we had none. Someone else had plenty, though. Someone I really really loved and admired. I knew he was loving and kind and would give the shirt off his back to anyone who needed it. He was the son of Norwegian immigrants who had very little. He set an intention to own his own business and he eventually made plenty of money. He handled money well. He gave it away, he helped others with it, he spent it on his wife & family. He made good things happen with it. He died poor. He had spent it all living luxuriously, having what he wanted and giving whenever he could.

The point? I am comfortable with money, luxury and success because it was good to me. But, it was never mine. So, I don't see it as something that I need to be happy. Truly. For me, this translates to not sticking to anything. If I don't need money for happiness, I can just do what I want to do and that can change every couple of years - a mental life of a beatnik, or a hippie, or gypsy. It's all good, man.

Then I realized. I want to be what I am meant to be - the fullest potential I can muster in this lifetime. It means taking a risk and to take this risk I know I need to make a living doing it. I have never had a clear vision for my career. And that has worked fine for me, until now.

Tonight, I walked in the woods. I was silent. I let ideas come find me. It doesn't take them long. The mind heard "be a person with a passion to do a certain job". And I pictured it. I thought of me as a person with a career intention. Not floundering, not changing my mind, and not stopping. I realized that this was a "me" that I had neglected. I neglected my career in building my dream life. In neglecting my career, I have not walked a straight path to my dream. I decided it's time to find the path and walk it. While I know money is not what I need to be happy, it is what come from doing what I love and creating the life I want.