Yesterday I told my child to steal. When the words came out of my mouth I realized there is no great way to explain what I meant and the why's and how's of it to a four year old. To ease some of my guilt I figured I would explain it to you. Like a confession. Forgive me friends, for I have sinned.
Our local mega-grocery store has a wonderful bulk food/candy section. There was a time when they passed out suckers to every kid that went through the check-out lane. When that stopped, I began allowing the kids to pick one thing out of the bulk food bins if they could make it through the store without whining, crying or asking for a dozen things. The big reward at the end of the long, boring shopping journey. BUT I did not begin this tradition without checking first. I am, for the most part, a rule follower. You will not find me participating in much that could get me in trouble with the law. So, why do I take a piece of bulk food without paying for it? Because I have asked the store clerks and management a million times (actually more than a dozen) if it is okay to have one piece of bulk candy, per child, while shopping. I have always been told that "yes, it is fine". I have done it in front of store clerks and they don't say anything. I tell you the truth: it was never intended to be sneaky or hidden.
Yesterday, my 4 yr old asked if we could pay for his Golden Coin (chocolate). Sure. That is fine.
So, I took the Golden Coin up to the register as I was paying for my groceries.
I asked the lady clerk if we could pay for the one Golden Coin.
She said "No. You have to buy more. They are measured by cost per pound and one won't weigh enough to be measured." And.... I waited for her to say, "He can just have it."
She did not say anything. 4yr old cried loudly when I said "You can't have it." All the while I am thinking ... c'mon lady just make up a price "25 cents, 1 dollar, give it away..." She obviously didn't know their policy on SHARING one piece of candy. She just stared at me like I was stupid and wrong. Well, maybe they didn't have a policy TO share, but is it out of the realm of her power to make it happen? Let me restate this. I have asked about the bulk candy many times(due to my fear of doing something wrong and getting in trouble). Each time we go to that store we get a piece of candy - so at least once a week. So this not happening was WAY against the grain of normal for my 4yr old. I know, poor him.
When he was crying as we were pushing our groceries out to the car, - minus one Golden Coin - he said "why can't I have my coin?" And I said "Because you asked to pay for it. Next time just take it like we always do." And I realized I just told my son to steal. He doesn't know that his mom has okayed their taking with the powers-that-be. He doesn't understand that sometimes when you try to do the right thing you are met with confusion and no options. He doesn't understand that some people lack the ability or power to be creative or make decisions in their jobs.
And now I don't know if I have been teaching my kids something horrible all along. My kids know that we don't take anything from a store without paying for it. I just considered the bulk food a "sample". I believe my children will grow up to think taking a piece of bulk food is okay, but I don't think that means that they will think taking a bag of bulk food is okay, or taking something else is okay. So, I am not sure what to think about having taught my kids that taking a piece of candy, even with permission, is okay.
Tell me what you think!
9 comments:
How perplexing...
Seems highly strange that the lady didn't just say "aw, let him just have it - on me!" or something, you know? Weird.
I do think you may have gotten yourself in a pickle. Knowing how literal kids take everything (at least mine does) I'd be afraid now that he'd think it was okay to just take something, especially when seeing that there's LOTS of things... who would miss just 1? If it were a pile of $100 bills, would it be okay if one were missing? No one would know the difference... or would they?
I don't know if your 'bulk food grab' policy with your kids is the norm or not, but I would feel bad reaching in and grabbing something I didn't pay for, even if its just one piece. I even have a problem with a habit my husband has... he opens something he intends to buy and eats it while shopping in the store... and then pays for the wrapper at the checkout...
In my mind, neither would be considered mine, and therefore available to eat, until after I had purchased them.
I'm sorry to be a 'no' in your yes/no question post but you asked!! :)
No, I am glad you are honest. I appreciate it.
I have done what your husband does. Especially when I am having a blood sugar issue and I am shaky. Not every time.
This is the same store that has a "honesty pay system" for coffee and donuts. In the past when I have not had enough I would take my cup of coffee and allow my kids the donut and then pay at the check-out. I don't tend to carry much cash - sometimes not even $1.00.
So, for me it is definitely about being honest and doing things the right way. It's just that we got caught in a situation that made me feel wrong so then I questioned the wrongness altogether. And all because we wanted to pay for something we usually take.
Thanks for your opinion.
Don't you see the irony in your question? You are rewarding your well-behaved children by allowing them to steal their reward. You are rewarding their good behavior by allowing them to do something bad.
There's a HUGE difference between someone offering to give a treat to your kids at no charge and taking something and assuming it'll be given to them at no charge. I think you are sending your kids the wrong message.
I think you and your kids will be better off in the long run following the rules and paying for any treats they "earn" with their good behavior.
I do hear you lil ol me. It's just that in my eyes it was not wrong because I had asked. However, I am posting the issue because I see the truth in your response.
Here is what I did after school: I told my kids that maybe I had been wrong in letting them have treats from bulk food. I told them that we were headed to the store to speak to the manager and ask them their opinion about what had been taking place and if the manager was to say that they considered our "treats" stealing then we would no longer be having bulk food treats.
Here is what I was told: They discontinued the sucker program (that rewarded children for good behavior). They appreciated me asking - as that was not a usual occurence. They said that they are not going to say anything if someone takes one piece, but that a person is not allowed to take a handful.
So, I take that as a soft no or a soft yes. Some people would take that as permission, but because I have had a change of heart, I have told my kids that we will now be purchasing any treats that they earned by good behavior. Maybe three treats will weigh enough to be purchased.
I am nothing if not a learning and growing human being.
I still welcome more opinions. I certainly am curious how my readers feel.
Oh, and they said it was very common for people to sample the bulk food. Not that makes it right.... just wondering if any samplers want to share their views.
I don't have kids but I am known and Cool Aunt Tex with the under 10 crowd. Here is what I think...
No, you were not teaching your child to steal. You not only asked a clerk, you asked the manager and both said it was fine.
The person who is at fault here is the cashier who wasn't smart enough to see that your kid was being a kid and just should have charged him a dime, given him a receipt and smile.
It's ONE piece of BULK CANDY at four years old. It's not billions of tax payer dollars to bail out an investment bank.
If the members of congress were allowed a chocolate coin for being good after shopping with THEIR mothers when they were four years old; maybe they would have learned that you get rewarded for GOOD behavior and not when you run a hundred year old company out of business.
Well, if you have permission, that's the whole deciding factor, imo. Just explain to the kids that at that store you've checked ahead of time if it's okay. Other stores might have different policies because of course when all those samples add up, it could mean a large loss of sales.
I totally eat and drink things in the store before paying for them because I know I'm paying for them. Store managers see this and don't have a problem with it. However, I don't do it for things that need to be weighed.
Still, all that said, I wouldn't be taking the samples because they're not samples if you already know what they taste like, unless you're calling it quality control. ;-) Which would be funny. I see the connection with the lollipops but still. Things change.
xo.
Wow! What a store. I would kind of avoid that cashier in the future. The Huge Chain Superstore near me has a little cashbox by the bulk candy with a price per piece. It used to be 5 cents for one piece, but it may have gone up.
I would probably have stood firm at the cashier and said, well, I want to buy just this one, and if you weigh it and it weighs nothing, I guess I pay nothing.
But, then again I don't have a crying 4-yr-old with me right now either, so I might not have come up with that response on the spot.
I've never been in any situation even similar. I guess that speaks more than anything about what I think.
Yep. And when the lollipops changed I asked. I was told "it's fine". Oh well. It's an interesting discussion TFS. (That's For Sure - Did I make that up or is it already used in the world of virtual?)
I thought about the "things that you weigh to pay" before you said that, N. I would never eat one banana and then put the others on the scale, not mentioning the one in my stomach.
And yes, the "samples" part is sort of funny... but what I mean is that we really only take ONE. Seriously, people, I am a very careful about my rule following.... LOL. But, I differ from my friends that would never even ask if they can eat something they haven't paid for, because THAT is breaking the rules. I guess I don't see rules as unbending.
I certainly see rules being bent all of the time, do you?
Christi: what store do you shop at - email me. That may be where I need to go. Or maybe I never noticed the box at my store?? Good idea, though (for the store).
I love what you would have said. I just kept looking at her like YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING! You can't think of one way to charge me for one coin?? C'mon! She was not the brightest bulb in the box. I don't say that to be mean. She just stared at me and him and put the coin aside.
No matter what, your post garnished some great comments and got people thinking: CONGRATULATIONS!
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