God Bless Us, EVERYONE!

Please watch this video before reading my comments. Thanks to Maggie for posting it on her blog.

http://current.com/items/89609576/what_is_your_definition_of_religion.htm

Then consider this:

It is my opinion that saying that your religion is the ONLY religion is similar to saying that my country is the best country. If that doesn't seems to strike a chord, you must believe that your country is the best country. I wonder how many billions of people would disagree with that.

I realize that many Americans believe that we must stay loyal to America despite our concerns with it's practices and policies, because this country gives us so much. For the most part, I agree. I think America is a wonderful place to live. I don't always agree with our policies and practices. That does not make me anti-American. It makes me want America to be better. Just as I believe I am always growing to be a better person.

Religions across the world not only believe that they have the only path to God, they talk about it. I don't think that the belief is what gets us into trouble as much as the talking about it. The bragging, the teasing, the I-am-better-than-you-are mentality. The stronger you believe that your way is the only way (which many say is required for "TRUE" faith) the stronger you react to anything that is different from your way. Your EGO says "fight" when challenged. Your EGO is not GOD. Your EGO is the voice in your head that says "I need to be right or I am nothing".

It is the same larger EGO that nations hold when they bully, fight and go to war. One nation believes that their government holds the key to everlasting peace and prosperity. The other believes that peace and prosperity come through THEIR form of government. Asking the officials of either nation how the individuals in their country feel about their policies will not garnish an honest answer - you must ask the people themselves. If you ask ME: if a country really wants to do good in the world they would stop genocide. But genocide is largely ignored. I want people across the world to be loved, safe and happy. If that means that they choose another form of government, so be it. If we push people to accept democracy, we can't whine and cry when they push us to accept something other than democracy.

If we ask a religious head what each individual member believes, I do not think that we would hear ONE version of the truth across the membership, among ANY religion. The real truth is you can only know what you believe. You cannot know that what you believe is the best for everyone, the right path for everyone, the only way for anyone but you.

Religion is a personal experience among a doctrine of perceived truths. Your personal experience cannot and never will be the same as any other member of that religion. You may have similarities and understandings, or you may be so far from anothers beliefs that you barely recognize them as a fellow human. But the truth is the only similarity we all share is our humanity. In our humanity what we need more than anything is love, understanding, respect, and kindness. If you are unable to give that away freely, how can you stand in anger when it cannot or will not be given to you? I am happy to be American, I am blessed. I do not believe for a moment, though, that I am better than a Canadian, a Mexican, an Iraqi, a Colombian, a Norwegian, etc. I am just me. I have my beliefs based on how I make sense of this world and they work for me. I think any member of any other nation or religion can have just as much assurance in their beliefs as I have in mine and NOT offend or take away from mine IN THE SLIGHTEST. I mean that. Not at all.

Fighting for anything just causes more fighting. So it would also make sense that love might just cause more love. Peace, more peace. Acceptance, more acceptance. Respect, more respect. GET IT??? BE THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD. You be it. If you can be it first, I bet you anything - others will follow. (Thanks to Ghandi for his wise words)

The Dreaded Christmas Letter Containing Picture of Family Dressed Alike

Last year I sent out a Christmas card that was da bomb. I had so many people tell me that it was the BEST one they had ever received. I think it had something to do with my (at that time) 3yr old. He wasn't wearing a stitch but held a gingerbread house in a mommy sanctioned appropriate spot. Seems like something a Bad Mother would do. The thing is that kid was a nud----is---t at the time. He wouldn't keep his clothes on for 2 seconds in the house. Most people just take their shoes off when they come in the door. Not he. And I was tired of dressing my kids in matching sweaters and making them smile with their arms around each other like they actually get along. They don't really. And they don't like cutesy sweaters and matching outfits. They just want to be themselves. And when I force Preppy-Unity it backlashes. So, instead I offered individuality. They smiled for that picture like the cheshire cat high on weed.

I also find the letters that people send about how Great! and Positive! and Happy! the year has been a little like investigating a crime scene. Because we all know that fueling the gratitude and positivity is the behind the scenes stuff that screams "we made it another year - together, alive and out of jail".

Did sonny boy not flunk Algebra for the 10th time? Yay! Just gush about what a genius he is. Did daddy stop flirting with the secretary after hours? Easy, he's a hard worker and has become the epitome of a devoted family man. And momma found Twilight, blogging, and drinking wine before it's time? Put her down as an avid writer, reader and wine connoisseur who now delights in cooking.

It's not that I am a negative person, quite the opposite I think. I just want people to be REAL.

Here goes my Holiday card to all of you:

Dear friends,

This year started off cold. It was January on the first day of the new year and where we live that means cold. I wanted to move south but my husband said no, so I decided to spend his money to keep myself sane and happy.

While my son was having a hard time adjusting to the different medications we were trying for his anxiety, I wanted to run away. The darkness of the season mirrored the darkness of my mood. But I was holding it together. Which meant I was holding us together. Because if momma ain't happy .... say it together now... ain't no body happy. I know dat's right.

When spring decided to come in late April, the warmer weather, singing birds and flower's sweet scent, warmed, bloomed and pleasantly perfumed my mood. We had paid off enough bills to take out another big loan and replace my long-ago dream car that was falling apart. We began staying up later than 9pm again - which meant we could actually rekindle relationships that had drifted apart when we went into hibernation. Kevin started promising to do many home projects. He spent hours promising and planning, planning and promising. He had big dreams for a new roof & new deck. And, moving along ... we purchased new bikes for the kids so that they could expand their territory in the neighborhood. "Go ahead and ride around the block a few times". I was so proud of them. No GPS systems, or anything.

Summer. Much of the summer is spent trying to balance my life with the life of three kids at home and family visiting for an extended period of time. This year we enjoyed two weeks with family. Yeah, it was hard at first but we managed to get by on only two weeks together. We had to fit more things into two weeks because the year before we had five weeks. I am grateful for the two weeks. Really. Truly. Grateful. We love spending time at the beach and time at the lake. Summertime didn't give me enough craziness, so I decided to start this blog, Scandalicious Suburbia. For that I am really grateful, too. As are you. Oh, and I read Twilight (and the rest of the series) and I have to say just like when I read Jane Austen, my life has changed and will never be the same. Finally, but most importantly, I began a renewed and strengthened relationship with my MIL. That is true. I realized that if you continue to bend over, knowing what is coming when you do, you have no good reason to cry about it. That was a good lesson to learn. Stop bending over.

Fall is my favorite time of year. I love to see bright colors. I found peace again as my children started school. God is good. My nine year old is having a good year. My daughter is reverting to a five year old. My four year old is "really thriving" (to quote his teachers). Little do they know that is because we forgot about him. Because of the positive start to the year, I decided one job was just too few and took on two more. I have made new friends and managed to keep a few of the old. Somehow, despite being very insecure about friendships most of my life, I actually find myself full and satisfied with my current group of friends. What is amazing is that they seem to be satisfied BEING my friend. (Like, they actually call me to do stuff. Count on me. Need me.) While I don't advocate living off of the feeling of being needed, I do condone liking it. Appreciating it.

So, now we come back around to darkness. Just yesterday I learned, as we all did, that the USofA has been in a recession since December of 2007. I love how we didn't know that then, but now we do. Like they can just go and change the past like that. "Oh, BTW, when you thought things were okay in 2007, yeah, well they weren't. Sucks to be you ... then." So now that we are in an official recession many of us are fearful. Yet, I feel light. There is nothing like a cathartic letter of truth and a declaration that when you thought you were all right, you weren't, to make you see that everything is always all right. Things are not always perfect, glowing, syrupy concoctions of our imaginations. Reality is a bit harsher. But much funnier, too. And definitely worth living for. What is more intoxicating and fulfilling than an adventure? And what is life but the biggest adventure of all?

Rock Me Amadeus,
Katie

(Oh, and if you noticed, I don't speak for my entire family. If we were really trying to be truthful about our year we would let everyone write their own story, right?)

Serious Issue Here!

When is it ever okay to pick your nose? When there is not a Kleenex around (in the car, at the bedside, in the store)?

I have a sore in the upper corner of my nose. I get them every few months or so. They look like a little cut/slice and they hurt. I don't know if my nose gets too dried out, or if it's some sort of bacteria/fungus thing. All I know is that because it stings, I play with it. Not really fondle it, play with it, more like pick at it, play with it. I get the scab out only to realize that it's getting worse.

Soon the tip of my nose turns pink with either irritation or infection. Gross. So then I look like Rudolf with a possible obvious nose-picking issue. By deduction why else would the tip of a person's nose be red? I guess I could blame the weather. Though, if I am inside for over 15 minutes, there goes that excuse.

Yes I want your comments! Though, I am almost sure I will get no comments on this post because who is going to admit that they DO pick their nose for certain reasons or on reasonable occasions? Oh, but a few will comment to state explicitly that they HAVE NEVER and WOULD NEVER pick their nose. Yeah, and they probably don't masturbate, either. Whatever.

Anyway, my nose hurts. My finger will have to go up there to put the anti-biotic cream on it next. So, if you see me picking my nose, maybe just hand me a tissue.

God, this must be what confession feels like.

Working in the Real World

Today I start my job at the local public library. I love books and reading, so the library seemed like a great place for me to work . I usually work for businesses or organizations that I know I will either feel "at home" or enjoy the perks of a special discount. I used to work at Pier One. I loved spending my entire paycheck on the misfit home decor. The misfits were the things that we couldn't sell full price. But the hospital? I don't know why I feel comfortable there. I don't love illnesses or dying. But I am not afraid of them , either. And my memories of a hospital are only good one's - three babies came into my life there.

The library will be fun, though. I get to work with a diverse crowd in customer service. My fave! And I am going to do some program assistance. In other words, I will be a part of evening programs, keeping people happy and comfortable. Okay, basically the coffee girl. But I like that. I escape coffee girl at home and go get paid to be coffee girl.

Here is the hard thing about working 2 jobs (with a potential 3rd from home) and co-leading a Brownie troupe. I have to balance it with all of my "regular" mommy duties. Cleaning the house, kid care, etc. So, out came my planner. After months of simplicity I have to rely again on my planner. Though that means I could easily mess up and forget something (a pet peeve of mine), it also means I have a full life. I often thrive internally when I feel busy. Being busy also means, though, I don't know when I'll have time to write all of my thoughts down.

But, I have counted on Scandalicious Suburbia for the last few months as a tool to work my thoughts out. I think it has become a habit. You might just find a few more grammatical errors because I'll have less time to re-read and correct them.

Real world, here I come!

The Mastery of Love - A Book Suggestion

Relationships are hard. Right? Or no? If you say no, you may very well be a spiritual master - & we need to talk. If you say "yes" you are like the millions of people in relationships that feel unloved, undesired, unappreciated, stressed out, lonely, unhappy, and frustrated. What if I tell you that there is a specific book that has all of the answers that you need to become that spiritual master of love, and said it in simple, 'holy crap! this is easy to understand' terms? Guess what? There is such a book.

I don't know why I haven't been more specific on this blog about the books that have transformed my life. I have quite a collection. Rather than spend my money on therapy I have spent it on books (probably enough money to buy a Master's level education in therapy - okay not really - but close.) The thing that I have received from books that I haven't found in a specific therapist is specifics. I love therapists, and believe that they have their place in healing, too. We have a wonderful therapist for our children and for family issues that need immediate resolving. There is nothing like having a live person to talk to when needing an immediate third-party objective view on something. BUT, I have always needed something that only books could provide - the words of the wise at my fingertips, available around the clock and affordable. In reading books I found answers from people that have both a spiritual and relational perspective. I also sought books for many reasons. One, because I wanted to know how to get along better with people, not the analyzation of why I am not. (I already do tons of analyzation on my own, anyway. I think I have out analyzed any therapist I have ever seen so nothing they say ever surprises me.) I wanted to stop blaming my childhood & the people around me and take personal responsibility. I needed to find a way to change my thoughts so that I could be more at peace and more understanding of who-I-am in the world. I also tend to talk a lot and therapy isn't financially conducive to long-winded answers.

So, I pick up books. I have always loved reading for it's relaxing & quiet support. And for reasons that are probably innate in me, I have always been drawn to the personal development books. As a teenager I bought Men are From Mars, Women are From Venus (from which I still use the useful metaphors). In college I bought books on depression, mother-daughter relationships, and being happy. (I'll give you one guess of how I felt then.) Now, I mostly buy books from spiritual/personal development authors. Most of the books I buy now can't be found in the regular personal development section - though some of the more popular authors do reside there. Now, you can find me in the New Age section just as often, if not more. That is the section where you will find this wonderful book I am rereading.

As I mentioned yesterday, there are things going on around me in the lives of others that have awakened a new sense of desire to know exactly how love works. I am speaking, in the cases I am aware of, specifically of Eros love, the kind of love we have for a spouse or a lover. Whether the desire to reread this book came before the awareness of the issues that surround me, or I went back to the book innately knowing I would need it, I don't know. I do know that this book is eye-opening and a must-read for anyone in any relationship of any kind. In other words, unless you are agoraphobic you probably have use for this book.

There are some people that have no interest in reading self-help books and I respect that. But if you are at all interested in having more love and peace in your relationships than you thought ever possible - READ THIS BOOK! If you have already read the book - reread it with me. I wish that I could have a "book club" event with all of my blog readers in person (because you know how fun book club can be), but I can't imagine the attendance would be very good. However, I can suggest this book and discuss it with you via email, phone or blog comments.

And the book? Have I built it up enough? Are you sitting at the edge of your seat in anticipation?

Here is an excerpt from Don Miguel Ruiz's The Mastery of Love:

In every relationship there are two halves of that relationship. One half is you, and the other half is your son, your daughter, your father, your mother, your friends, your partner. Of those halves, your are only responsible for your half; you are not responsible for the other half. It doesn't matter how close you think you are, or how strongly you think you love, there is no way you can be responsible for what is inside another person's head. You can never know what that person feels, what that person believes, all the assumptions she makes. You don't know anything about that person. That is the truth, but what do we do? We try to be responsible for the other half, and that is why relationships in hell are based on fear, drama and the war of control. - pg 66

And, If you take your happiness and put it in someone's hands, sooner or later, she is going to break it. If you give your happiness to someone else, she can always take it away. Then if happiness can only come from inside of you and is the result of your love, you are responsible for your happiness. We can never make anyone responsible for our own happiness .... It doesn't matter how much you love someone, you are never going to be what that person wants you to be. -pg 53.

The Mastery of Love is filled on every page (there are 205 of them) with the formula that our relationships need to heal. And I'll give you a hint: self-love is a key ingredient. Buy it. Read it. Live it. (And then let me know how it's going.)

Footnote: Don Miguel Ruiz's books: The Four Agreements, The Voice of Knowledge and this one, The Mastery of Love, have all changed my life. I specifically found The Voice of Knowledge to be one of the most eye-opening books I have read in my lifetime.

Breathing a Sigh of Yes We Can!

My heart is so full. With hope. With love. With gratitude. I am so honored to be a part of this historical moment. My older two children even seemed to understand the depth of this moment in history. I don't find the moment historical simply because our next President is an African American, which is amazing beyond words, but also because of the grass-roots effort that came together to win this election. I have found him nothing but gracious to his opponents, level headed and deep-hearted. He has inspired people who have never before voted to vote. If I were on the other side of this campaign, I would hope that I would at least respect the historic and inspirational campaign that he ran.

Many of you have seen this video, but I didn't watch it in full until today.



And I also found pictures like the one below all over the internet. In this case it is a woman in China, the world is celebrating with us.

Spreading the Wealth - It's Good for You

Spreading the wealth. It's gotten such a bad rap this political season. Here is my personal take on it.

I am not wealthy or poor. I am middle class. Living paycheck to paycheck. Staying home with my kids (for the most part) because to put them in daycare would require a starting salary of $36,000 or more - which is a hard one to "walk in to". Our family is one lay-off away from the poor house. Kevin works his butt off so that does not happen. We have little debt - some but not much. We have an excellent credit score. This is who we are fiscally.

Who I am as a person is what makes me a "liberal". I believe in sharing. I share anything I can - my ablility and happiness to watch my friend's children when they need a break or the help. My food and home to entertain friends for dinner and build better relationships. Homemade goodies or little gifts for people I love. Dishes if someone is hosting an event or people recovering from medical issues. My time for school events and volunteer activities. These are things that I happily give away. If I had money, I would share even more.

I very much believe that this is what makes our country great. Not capitalism. Not materialism. Not who can have the most stuff. But who we are and how we treat each other.

On Halloween day I read a status on Facebook that said: in preparation for new tax plans we should take candy out of certain kid bags and give it to those who don't have as much. Spread the wealth around ya know.

I responded that as a parent that would be fine with me. My kids don't need gobs of candy to be satisfied. An amazing thing happened that night. My son decided, on his own, to share his candy. We had run out of candy and the door was closed - he was outside. He came into the house and said "Mom, I am sharing my candy with kids that don't have very much." He melted my heart (and the hearts of those in the room). He did this all on his own, unprompted. I know he has a big heart - this proved it. Yes, he earned that candy. Yes, he could have kept it all for himself. I understand that to "make" him give it out could have easily created the opposite effect. Foot stomping, tears, yelling, "i hate yous". If I had forced the sharing, it still is the right thing to do. It's just some people who don't share naturally have temper tantrums when they are asked to share.

I know a few very wealthy people that don't want to "spread the wealth". These same people don't like to pay full price for anything, they enjoy handouts from friends and family without reciprocating, & they look for deals everywhere. They have the means to pay full price and yet they avoid it at all costs. I call them "cheap" or "moochers". They want handouts and yet they don't want to give handouts to others. I just can't fathom being that selfish. I know the main difference between us - I want the best for humanity, not just for myself. In my experience, giving is better and more fulfilling than receiving.

My feelings and opinions on this topic have more to do with humanity than with Republican vs. Democrat. I have never been a political-minded person. I have always been a human-minded person. The negative spinning on Obama's "spreading the wealth" has riled me up a bit, though. I realized, on Halloween, that it comes down to whether or not sharing is natural for you. And if not, can you grow to see why it's essential to a peaceful experience of life?

I just read this in Marianne Williamson's book The Healing Of America:

Within the next ten years, America will have a renaissance or a catastrophe. Something is going to happen to take us back to who we are. If America were an individual seeking counseling, a good therapist might say: "Number one, you're not really sober. Number two, you're obsessed with material things and your spiritual life is begging for attention. Number three, you rarely take responsibility for your own problems and project a lot of blame onto other people. Number four, you've neglected your kids. Number five, the size of the elaborate security system around your house shows paranoid tendencies. Number six, you have a lot of amends to make. Number seven, your attraction to generals is neurotic."

Whether the patient takes the cue or not remains to be seen. But for a person or for a nation, everything will erupt in time if we do not attend to the inner life.

This book was written in 1997.

Be It First Before You Expect It

My friend Sarah came to visit a few weekends ago. We had a few drinks at a bar on Thursday night and then Friday we went to an antique store to find goodies for her vintage kitsch collection. After our visit to the downtown antique store we went to a local coffee joint to have a coffee and some good conversation.

We hit topics such as: politics, abortion, religion, spirituality, gay rights, the economy... it was a good convo. 'Specially fun because we weren't defending our stance on issues but sharing our beliefs. Out of the corner of my eye I saw this young (younger than us) girl sitting at her computer. I later told Sarah I KNEW she was listening, and Sarah said she saw her look up at us a few times. She started packing up to go and sure enough stopped at our table.

She was shaking. She went on to say that she had overheard our conversation. She went into a personal story of struggles, fear of crazy religious people, to a moment of clarity, to a church parking lot, to being welcomed by the church members, to a personal relationship with Jesus, to inviting us to her church. Her story was compelling and sweet. Sarah and I could relate to her moment of clarity and her fear of crazy religious people. I can relate to her personal relationship with Jesus (I don't want to speak for Sarah) and her wanting to share what has worked for her with others.

Scandalicous Suburbia is my testimony to the choices and beliefs that have worked for me. I fully realize that I have opened myself up by blogging in that I could potentially have many readers. Or I could be blogging to only 1 reader - me. Either way, once written it is not my choice who reads this blog. People find me and visit me for a number of different reasons I am sure, "becoming a hippie" is topping the list so far of readers that find me through Google.

I don't hold any expectations of my blog changing minds or lives. I don't sit around hoping that my blog gets read by thousands of people and makes me famous. Blogging isn't meant to be my life's work, I know that. But I still enjoy it. It's fun & I do it for me, really. I do it to process my thoughts and live who-I-am out-loud, something I didn't do much of until recently. So, if you read it, you may hear me talk about Byron Katie and The Work because her process on how to live in the moment changed my life. You might hear me mention TUT, the website that sends me a fabulous, funny daily email from The Universe. I have read and loved Seth books by Jane Roberts, Eckhart Tolle, Neale Donald Walsch, Don Miguel Ruiz (specifically The Voice of Knowledge), Wayne Dyer, Pema Chodron, The Tao Te Ching, M. Scott Peck (specifically Further Along The Road Less Traveled), and A Course in Miracles to name a few. These people/books may all get mentioned on my blog because it is MY blog and they were enlightening and important to my path.

What I do not understand is the belief that some hold that their way of life (their choice of religion/books/beliefs/etc) is the only way of life and should be a one size fits all for everyone. What happens when we begin proselytizing to other people is that we begin to look naive, closed minded and cold. The political tactic of making the other guy look bad has never sat well with me, no matter what party. Why aren't politicians talking about what they will bring to the office instead of what the other guy won't bring? And religion: I have known people who hoped to bring followers to their religion, talk to the potential converts like they are stupid and naive, somehow not ready for the "one truth", & disappointing The Lord until the moment they join the "one true" church. The girl that told us HER church was the place that WE could find healing, believed that with all of her heart and stated in simply and lovingly. When she left I loved her for being so brave as to share her sorrowful and triumphant story with two strangers. An amazing testimony from her soul. It was her story about her path to freedom. I can hear it and love her. I don't have to make it her story about my path to freedom.

I have my own story about me. I have shared parts of it here, on Scandalicious Suburbia. I have shared it openly. I don't expect everyone to agree with me. I don't hope for anything specific by sharing it. For me, it's about opening up to Life. Just by writing and clicking "Publish Post" I am opening myself up to the world. I have learned that when I do this the world opens itself up to me, too. However, my sense of self, my passion, my heart is not wrapped up in the comments or the feedback or how many new friends I receive or people I convert to my way of thinking. My self-identity is only wrapped up in Me. How I feel. What I think about. Whether I am being loving, open, and kind to myself. It's only when I am being good to myself that I can be good to others. I play my music and others benefit (if they like the sound of it, that is). Changing my music to theirs to win them over makes no sense and making people change their music to mine to gain followers is loveless.

This video, from Abraham (another of my favorites), is an amazing testimony, for me, to the value of living Your Life without expectations and judgements of others.

My Daughter Votes For Chocolate

So, on a drive home from a play-date with the daughter of my conservative friends, my seven year old daughter said "Why do I only see McCain signs or Obama signs?" The only time she brings up politics is after playing with this friend, so I was prepared for a discussion.

Me: Well, those are the two choices.
Her: There are only two choices?
Me: Yes. Only two. Pretty weird, huh? That would be like walking into an ice cream store and only being able to order vanilla or ..... I stopped myself. I was headed down the wrong road. Not PC. Not the message I wanted to send. Not coming up with another flavor very fast.

Me: or Strawberry. Just two choices. Or between Chocolate and Strawberry. But just two. That's exactly like our vote. Out of all of the people in our country we choose between two people.
Her: I would vote for chocolate.
Me: (oh, she's smart...) Oh, ya, it's a great flavor, right?
Her: No because of Obama's skin color. I would pick chocolate.
Me: Uh... well, actually I wasn't trying to .... okay. Yep. I would choose chocolate, too. So, you get it right? You could walk into Baskin Robbins and order your choice of 32 flavors. But in the case of an election you get two choices. Chocolate or Vanilla. Not a very good ice cream store, eh?
Her: No. (Now she's bored. Over it. And I'm still thinking.....)

You definitely don't get to choose the ingredients or "mixins" for the perfect candidate, ala Cold Stone Creamery. A well developed, highly successful, equipped with cutting technology, ice cream store with two choices: Vanilla or Chocolate.

Gosh, my girl was onto something.

Blissful Parenting Schmarenting - Bleh!

Just a night after posting about my ability to parent blissfully, and only moments ago, I told Kevin:

Me: We are the worst parents in Kalamazoo. We are lazy. We'd love it if the kids made their own food, entertained themselves, and tucked themselves into bed by 9:00. The difference between you and I is that I KNOW this about us. You don't seem to realize how lazy you are. I do. And when I do I work to change it. And even when I don't want to work to change it I do, because the kids obviously CAN'T feed themselves, and would never tuck themselves into bed. So, start helping me out by realizing how crappy a job we would be doing if we COULD.

Kevin: (no comment. just stared at me)

So, the truth is I do believe all of that stuff I posted yesterday, and I really do my best to live it. BUT I don't do a "perfect job". And I certainly have not attained blissful wifery yet. I am working on that too. I am sure Kevin is NOT working on attaining blissful husbandry. He already seems to be accepting of all of my stuff. More than I am of his.

I think the biggest hurdle is that he works and I stay home. So, when does my time "on the job" end? Only when I schedule time outside the house. Which I do often. I have a pretty active social life because otherwise Kevin would work, hunt, or I'd watch him sit and watch cartoons with a basket of laundry next to him that remains unfolded. I have to get out of the house to have time for me - without Things To Do staring me in the face.

If you haven't concluded yet - this evening was not blissful. And again, all because of my expectations. BLEH! But I'll get over it and go back to being grateful - tomorrow.....

What I Have Learned About Parenting, So Far

Blissful parenting is possible. Guess what? It does not require burning incense or daily meditation! Being blissful also does not require a person to be without emotion & perfectly in control. Quite the opposite, actually. I believe, to master parenthood is to allow each moment to be it's own perfection. To allow all emotions that come with motherhood, even the feelings of it's never-ending, difficult and scary, to just be. No reaction. I can have the feelings but I don't need to attach to them by trying to control them. A blissful experience of motherhood requires letting go of control.

I know the feeling of never-ending parenting will soon be the feeling of it-went-by-too-fast. So, when I think the thought "motherhood has trapped me - I have no freedom!" and apply The Work to it, I know that it isn't true. I know this because it's just as true or truer that time goes so fast as parents, supported by how quickly my babies have grown. By giving more attention to the moment, rather than the past or the future, my fears and frustrations fade to little blips of nothingness.

I know that my worries, fears, and frustrations come from my expectations of my children and not their failures. Funny then that I expect children to do things that I do not always do. Are children expected to "know better" and "use their manners" as soon as an adult teaches them their version of right and wrong, and their usage of please and thank you? Do I always use my manners and do what is right - 100% of the time? No. I don't. It is amazing how many parents discipline children for things that they have taught them. I include myself in this, unfortunately.

So, for some time I have pondered what type of parent I want to be and how to grow into being HER. I believe my blissful parenting moments come from lowering my expectations, raising my awareness of my own self and others (as in, we are all doing the best we can in the given moment), allowing my children to be who they are, and striving to live in the moment. While I'm only able to do my best, I remain aware that motherhood is my greatest opportunity to teach what I live and live what I teach. So, I teach my kids that mistakes are okay. Being upset or grumpy is okay. Standing up for yourself is okay. Being polite is usually appropriate, but not always. Loving your family and friends is important - but so is communicating with them, even when it's not easy. Hugging is always appropriate to show care and concern.

The following list consists of ways that I attempt to achieve peace of mind while parenting:

• Dance with my kids - or get on the floor and play with them
• See them as unique little individuals as often as possible
• Realize that they won't react to situations in a "polite" or "correct" way most of the time
• Stop comparing them to other children; their siblings or their peers
• Give thanks to them and to God for them - daily
• Apologize to them when you have done or said something that may have hurt them
• Listen to them when they have something to say.
• Give them responsibilities and reward them - with praise in the least
• Let go of preconceived ideas on parenting - saying NEVER before you get to experience the options. Such as: my baby will NEVER use a pacifier. Uh-huh, then I realize that is the only thing that works to quiet the baby and allows me to sleep....
• Realize that vocalizing rules on parenting to others can come across as naive to current parents (they are waiting for you to find out how it isn't as easy as you think) or judgemental to people with different ideas
• Have an open and flexible mind (less expectations) because my kids will test it. Their job as children is to test life for themselves. The less flexible and open I am, the more I will feel tested and the harder parenting will be.
• The harder I work to protect my children from my fears the more possible it is for my fears to find life (that is: actually happen). For instance: a school age child that is always required to hold a hand crossing the street could easily be taught to cross without hand holding while learning the procedure for crossing safely. Children who depend on their parents to make most of their choices for them can find themselves lacking the skills to protect themselves. This rule that I have for myself is specifically about age-appropriate small-scale safety issues. Learning how to use the stove, cross the street, climb, ride a bike, stay home alone, drive, use birth control - these are the things I want my kids to grow into knowing. Safely. With lessons. From Me or Kevin.

I have found that any opportunity to allow my children their individuality and growth in an safe and age appropriate manner, lessens my anxiety and fears and does not exacerbate them. When I quiet my fears I feel more peace. With more peace, I am a more stable role model for my children and a happier woman in general.

How I Love Thee, Let Me Blog The Ways

Letter to my Honey:

Yes, I love you. Even when you forget to pick up your underwear and you leave it for me to do. I love you when you say everything is going to be okay even though I haven't found a job to help make everything okay and instead spend my time blogging, tweeting, and meeting friends for drinks.

I love you because you love me more than your mom.
I love you because you and I created cute kids (forget that they have also acquired our worst habits and quirks).
I love you for working your ass off, literally, and causing me to dream about fitting into YOUR skinny jeans. Lest I forget my weight loss goals.
I love you for staying true to yourself. You have always kept me waiting and I am sure you always will. Don't change for anyone, baby.
I love you for thinking I am employable: smart, quick, dependable, funny, anyone would be lucky to have me. Even though no one seems to want me.
I love you for letting me paint our house shades of the fall colors I love. I am not sure what colors you love for walls.
I love you for thinking I'm sexy - even though I don't quite resemble the 17 year old I was when I met you.
I love you for not caring about the fanciest cars, clothes, and things. When I buy you a Crossfire you'll have your own cargasm. Right? I think...
I love you for being open to me sharing all of my scandalicious thoughts with unknown and known readers.

I just wanted you to know why I love you. I am sure there are more reasons, but we are headed on a date. And I'll take actually talking to you over typing to you, via Father Internet and Mother Masses, any day.

Your loving wife,
ScandalciousK

If We Are All Going Down I Might As Well Have Fun

If I believe the news today I may be on a sinking ship, similar to the "unsinkable" Titanic (or USA?). If so, I know I have a few options in taking on the imminent danger. According to the movie, Titanic, I can:

• Lie down on my bed. Masturbate. Or have sex with my husband if he is available. Wait - I don't think this option is in the movie, but it would be more fun than simply lying down, closing my eyes and drowning.
• Find a way to die before I die. Cuz that makes sense.
• Run. Did ya know that zig zagging is especially confusing to water?
• Hide. Another option. Maybe the water won't find/kill me if I hide in the bathtub. It has a drain y'all.
• Jump. Yeah, I might survive that free-fall.
• Count failures like sheep. Die in misery.
• Find a lifeboat. Try not to look into the eyes of the people that don't have a lifeboat. Sort of like the Republicans. Every man/woman/child for themselves. Richest people first. Gay? Good Luck.
• Help the others find lifeboats. Or at least help them find peace by continuing to play my music. (I dance to the tune of LOVE - if ya haven't caught on). You know like the quartet in the movie. Yeah, you get it.

It appears that only the lifeboats can potentially save my life, but at the expense of another's. Yes, that is how it is. I get that.

But how do the ship's officers decide who survives and who goes down with the ship? In the movie there is a definite class divide - the rich are more worth saving than the poor. The third-class passengers were locked away & didn't even have the choice- to run, hide, jump overboard or try for a lifeboat. Locked down in the lowest levels of the ship for fear that they would impede the survival of the elite. I agree that the children should be helped first. But not just the rich, (white, straight, smart) important kids. All kids. And to help all kids you sometimes have to help their family unit.

So, what would I do? Well, because of who I am, I would pick the last option. I am not afraid of death. I am afraid of being cowardly in order to survive. If and when I have the chance to share my music with people that are afraid, left behind, angry, or unsure, I will take it. Always.

BUT If I am locked down in the belly of the ship, with no one to share my music with - well then I will go out in ecstasy playing with myself.

Bulk Food = Samples. Yes or No?

Yesterday I told my child to steal. When the words came out of my mouth I realized there is no great way to explain what I meant and the why's and how's of it to a four year old. To ease some of my guilt I figured I would explain it to you. Like a confession. Forgive me friends, for I have sinned.

Our local mega-grocery store has a wonderful bulk food/candy section. There was a time when they passed out suckers to every kid that went through the check-out lane. When that stopped, I began allowing the kids to pick one thing out of the bulk food bins if they could make it through the store without whining, crying or asking for a dozen things. The big reward at the end of the long, boring shopping journey. BUT I did not begin this tradition without checking first. I am, for the most part, a rule follower. You will not find me participating in much that could get me in trouble with the law. So, why do I take a piece of bulk food without paying for it? Because I have asked the store clerks and management a million times (actually more than a dozen) if it is okay to have one piece of bulk candy, per child, while shopping. I have always been told that "yes, it is fine". I have done it in front of store clerks and they don't say anything. I tell you the truth: it was never intended to be sneaky or hidden.

Yesterday, my 4 yr old asked if we could pay for his Golden Coin (chocolate). Sure. That is fine.
So, I took the Golden Coin up to the register as I was paying for my groceries.

I asked the lady clerk if we could pay for the one Golden Coin.

She said "No. You have to buy more. They are measured by cost per pound and one won't weigh enough to be measured." And.... I waited for her to say, "He can just have it."

She did not say anything. 4yr old cried loudly when I said "You can't have it." All the while I am thinking ... c'mon lady just make up a price "25 cents, 1 dollar, give it away..." She obviously didn't know their policy on SHARING one piece of candy. She just stared at me like I was stupid and wrong. Well, maybe they didn't have a policy TO share, but is it out of the realm of her power to make it happen? Let me restate this. I have asked about the bulk candy many times(due to my fear of doing something wrong and getting in trouble). Each time we go to that store we get a piece of candy - so at least once a week. So this not happening was WAY against the grain of normal for my 4yr old. I know, poor him.

When he was crying as we were pushing our groceries out to the car, - minus one Golden Coin - he said "why can't I have my coin?" And I said "Because you asked to pay for it. Next time just take it like we always do." And I realized I just told my son to steal. He doesn't know that his mom has okayed their taking with the powers-that-be. He doesn't understand that sometimes when you try to do the right thing you are met with confusion and no options. He doesn't understand that some people lack the ability or power to be creative or make decisions in their jobs.

And now I don't know if I have been teaching my kids something horrible all along. My kids know that we don't take anything from a store without paying for it. I just considered the bulk food a "sample". I believe my children will grow up to think taking a piece of bulk food is okay, but I don't think that means that they will think taking a bag of bulk food is okay, or taking something else is okay. So, I am not sure what to think about having taught my kids that taking a piece of candy, even with permission, is okay.

Tell me what you think!

Single Parenting Might be For Me! .... for occasional pre-planned weekends

Sign me up for the Single for an Occasional Weekend Plan (SOW? like a mother pig or to tend for growth? perfect!)! Is there one? Maybe we can both sign up for the same weekend and really have a good time! Me, my kids, you (um, just the moms - sorry dads), your kids. What fun we would have.

Kevin went to a 3-D archery shoot this weekend (picture giant stuffed animals in the woods - aim & shoot). It has been raining all weekend. Not just drizzling, but raining. I am worried that we will lose something. Not sure what. A tree. Basement carpeting. A kid in the quick-mud. So, I have no husband, no outdoor space to play, & danger lurking out my door [added for dramatic effect]. You would think I would be curled up in a corner alternating sips of coffee with shots of Hot Damn. Eyes red and bloodshot. Voice hoarse from yelling. But, I am not.

I actually do quite well when Kevin goes away. It feels like I have one less person to manage. Oh, wait, I do. He really creates as much mess as the kids. He leaves his dishes and shoes for me to pick up. He practices archery instead of folding laundry. He comes home wondering if dinner is ready when it's not. Or comes home without an appetite when I have cooked. I said to him when he left, "wow, it's amazing. you can just walk out the door when it's time to leave. no notes about care of kids. no phone numbers in case of emergency. just goodbye. have fun. see you soon." He said "well, if this were my job i might leave you a note." I said "oh, did you leave notes at work?" He said "no". See it's just not the same.

I know when I start working I will add my paid job to all of the above. It won't be divvied up evenly. Even women who claim feminism get pulled into the strong ancestral feeling of "mom" and what that means. And dad's generally go through life with more freedom to come and go, or sit down and watch cartoons (bleh!), or play with their bow and arrows.... not that they see it that way. I know having a family to provide for has weighed heavily on Kevin. So, maybe it is fair that for one weekend he can just leave his responsibilities without fear or turning back and go shoot fake animals in the woods. Oh, and he called to say he won. I asked what he won. He said "nothing but the bragging rights of beating 6 other guys". That was enough for him. I wouldn't enter a contest and drive 5 hours to win if there wasn't a prize at the end. I'm just sayin'.

For me the contest was "can i survive a single parent weekend". And I am happy to say that this weekend I felt: more patient. more energy. more willingness to be the only one in charge. i happily entertained, cooked, and taxied children. i spent less time on the computer and more time with kids. i planned creative projects (in my head). i considered painting the boys room and would have except they can't agree on a color. It all seemed to flow well and I actually enjoyed my time with the kids.

So, while I can pretend that single parenting is easier and choose to blog about the disadvantages of being married to a man-child, I secretly yearn for his return and warm body in my bed (as opposed to the many fingers and toes in my back). I am well aware of the two sides to this fairy tale; the struggles that the princess has understanding her prince-charming but loving him all the same. I am sure my girlfriends and I will tell our stories again and again, and always come up with the same conclusion. "You don't marry the person you can live with. You marry the person you can't live without."

List of Things to Do Before I Die, aka The Bucket List

On June 13, 2008, before I started this blog, I made a Bucket List on my facebook page. Many of my friends have already read it and commented. I thought I would post it here for my blog followers and lurkers. I really don't put a lot of NEED into most things on my bucket list. I am a happy, fulfilled person with or without some of these goals being met. However, it's always good to have goals; so, given the time and opportunity (and in some cases with the proper motivation and dedication) I will attempt to meet these before I croak, die, kick the bucket....

1. Learn to play guitar.
2. Travel to Africa - possibly staying for a month or more.
3. Become friends with my children when they are adults.
4. Have a great relationship with my future daughter(s)-in-law.
5. Have a male friend that can advise me on fashion, relationships, and decorating without wanting to kiss me.
6. Bring moms together in a safe, supportive, and encouraging environment to share, learn and grow together.
7. Write a book. Don't care if it is published, not sure if it is fiction or non, I just have a lot to say.
8. Stop random thoughts from ruining my day - like the one I just had now "you'll never get any of this done".
9. Give an accurate intuitive reading for someone some day.
10. Enjoy cooking and cleaning enough to entertain as often as my mom.
11. Make sure that everyone I know knows how much I love them.
12. Learn to sing in my own voice (ignoring the thoughts that Ihave to be a soprano when in fact I am closer to an alto).
13. Find peace in every moment.
14. Get in awesome shape.
15. Adopt, become a foster parent, or a Big Sister.
16. Stand up for the underdog when presented with that oportunity. For people that are not treated with dignity or given the same consideration because of their race, age, ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation.
17. Attend a Byron Katie School for The Work.
18. Get laser vision for my eyes - tired of contacts.
19. Have wild, passionate sex many times a week for many years - and just once - smoke a cigarette afterwards.
20. Take a road trip to the west coast while the kids are still young - but not too young.
21. Tour Canada - stop to visit Natasha. Canada is the only place I have ever seen the Northern Lights - would love a repeat.
21. a. I should add - learn more about Canada before I go.
22. Travel the world - too many places to list.
23. Own a horse again.
24. Start a Holistic Wellness Center - welcoming all people.
25. Shop locally and eat predominantly organic.
26. Open a boutique of some sort.
27. Practice Yoga regularly. Possibly getting teacher certification.
28. Become a snowbird. Or live in multiple places in a year.
29. Witness the birth of at least one of my grandchildren.
30. Grow my own fruits and vegetables.
31. Go on a week long horseback riding and camping excursion.
32. Have enough time in the day to call every person I promised to call and let them know I KNOW I am a slacker when it comes to the phone and that in fact it has nothing to do with them and I love them.
33. Stop analyzing life and just live it!!
34. Stop caring about what other people think - about me, or life, or religion, or politics.
35. Feel a daily, constant connection to LOVE (aka GOD).
36. Fall in love with my husband again and again.
37. See Kevin happy and doing something he loves - either with hobbies or work.
38. Win the lotto so I can do what I always wanted to do and pay off my friends mortgages and take care of my family (parents, brother, SIL, my own kids and husband).
39. Get creative again: draw, paint, design.
40. Start a not-for-profit that redecorates kids rooms so they have a personal space of their own that feels warm and nuturing.
41. Learn jewelry making and knitting.
42. Learn to play the piano.
43. Go to a luxurious spa with Kevin for a week of crazy relaxation and pampering.
44.Pull of a Pixie cut. Yeah Right a 5'11 pixie. (Update: Accomplished 7/08)
45. Have platinum blond hair - or some crazy hair color.
46. Get another tattoo.
47. Rock a bikini starting next year and for at least 10 more years.
48. Play in some adult sports league (volleyball, tennis, etc.)
49. Start an adventure club for women (outdoor or athletic adventures mostly).
50. Own a few GREAT pieces of art.
51. Own a cabin in the woods on a river.
52. Hire my house cleaner back and keep her forever.
53. Have friend teach me how to make Mozzarella cheese.
54. Make Kevin laugh again as hard as he did when I snapped myself in the face with a rubber fitness band (while dancing).
55. Stop biting my nails FOR GOOD!
56. Take the kids to Makinac Island and bike around the island.
57. Shop from Athleta or Title Nine without worries about cost.
58. Have fresh flowers in my house year round.
59. Rent a place in the Carolina's on the beach with a group of friends and their kids.
60. Travel to California with KARK x 2 - the beach house is calling us!
61. Take individual trips with each of my kids when they reach a certain age.
62. Finish my Reiki Master course.
63. Formally study Holistic Health - doesn't have to lead to a degree but it could.
64. Buy the most luxurious mattress, sheets, bedding and pillows so that when I fall asleep I feel like I am in Heaven.
65. Own pretty pajamas suitable for sitting on the porch while drinking my morning coffee.
66. Read Mists of Avalon again.
67. Own 6 season tickets to Michigan State University football games.
68. Never stop dancing.
69. Speak Spanish fluently.
70. Find the tree that my mom and dad carved their initials on when they met. The tree was in Jackson Hole, WY in a campground in the mountains.
71. Type my dad's travel journal he was keeping when he met my mom so there is a copy of it forever.
72. Take the fall color tour of New England that I have wanted to do for years.
73. Swim with the dolphins.
74. Swim across the lake I grew up on at least once a year until I can no longer swim.
75. Visit winery's around the world.
76. Have the audacity to skinny dip again.
77. Decorate like Martha Stewart for Halloween and then throw an elaborate Halloween party.
78. New Year's Eve in Times Square - just once.
79. Learn about my lost relatives and ancestors - and meet a few.
80. Volunteer or work in the Child Life department of a hospital.
81. Host a foreign exchange student.
82. Go to a chocolate factory and take a tour.
83. Watch wild chimpanzees.
84. Have a past life regression.
85. Send my parents on a dream vacation.
86. See a woman become President.
87. See an African American become President.
88. Swim in a pool of water at the bottom of a waterfall.
89. Learn to bartend.
90. Put my rubber fitness band dance on You Tube.
91. Go to an Ellen DeGeneres Show.
92. Learn to sew well enough to make adorable kids clothes and pajamas bottoms with a long inseam.
93. Be on a community board of directors.
94. Support parents just learning about their child's ADHD, anxiety or other neurological disorder.
95. Own a hybrid car.
96. Live the Way of the Tao.
97. Keep a fairly regular journal or blog. (Update: I think I am doing that! Woo-hoo!)
98. Take 4 year old to the tea cups at Disney - he has been asking to go for a few years.
99. Get close to whales in the wild.
100. See my niece cured of Diamond Blackfan Anemia, a rare blood disorder.
101. Die happy, fulfilled, and loved.

Come Write On My Bathroom Walls!

Once again, I need your help. I am starting a quote wall in my pink bathroom. This bathroom is attached to my kitchen that was painted when the water damage happened. The entire kitchen was light pink and glossy. Luckily, the damage changed that to mossy green. The bathroom was not painted because it had no wall damage. So, it is still faintly pink and glossy. I really have wanted to paint it, but since I am not getting to that project, I thought I would make a quote wall out of it.

My creative neighbors have a quote wall. It is their entire kitchen/dining room. The way I have heard it, they allow friends and family to add their favorite quotes on occassion. Like bathroom stall writing - without the vulgarities, BFF's, or TLA's. Quotes. Only. Good One's. That make you think. or Feel Good.

So, I am going to do the same in the pink bathroom. Fitting, I think. The bathroom. It's small, with four high walls. I started with the Hafiz quote I used the other day on my blog about the sun never saying to the earth "you owe me".

If you live near me and want to come write your quote in my bathroom, I'll let you. You must pass either the friendship/family test (as in, I know you) or a background check before I let you in my house. :)

If you don't live near me and want me to add your quote to my wall, submit it in the comments. I'll pick my favorites. If I pick your quote I will also use it as a blog title and come up with something smart to say about it. Or, I'll try, anyway.

I can't wait to hear your favorites!

Hot Damn Between My Legs & Various Other Stories from Wheatland

What a weekend! Wheatland never disappoints. You can guarantee you'll eat all the wrong (but yummy) foods, hear good music, drink good drinks, and watch your kids have fun. Here is a list of various funnies and warmies from the weekend. Enjoy!

• Kevin yelling "Amish!" every time we pass an Amish person on our drive out there. We pass a school and Amish children are playing on the playground (very sweet, really) and 9 year old says "Why are the Amish so short?" not realizing they were children (because they all dress like the adults).
• Cars line up to get in the gate. While waiting we are having a good ol' time. I crack a beer (we drove about 10 yards every 10 minutes) and sip my Hot Damn (cinnamon schnapps). KARK (m) says something about Hot Damn between my legs and we agree my blog title must be "hot damn between my legs". Thanks KARK(m)
• KARK x2's 4yr old daughter is singing to herself and when I lean in to listen to her she sings "I am singing a song... And my tunes all have love in them." This girl is so happy. She actually walks on her tippy toes or skips everywhere. Love her.
• KARK's 7 yr old daughter grabs my hand as I take her to the bathroom. Love her.
• My diet consisted of Greek Pizza, fried Potatoes and Gravy, walking tacos, an elephant ear, and beer/hot damn/coffee/gatorade. Talk about delicacies.
• Laughing with KARK(f) after we had a red bull and vodka. I'll try to remember why we were laughing and insert here:
• Listening to friend MK's son talk about a huge spider he had found: he said he didn't know if it was poisonous but if it bites him and he dies, it is.... (he LOVES bugs).
• Hearing the story of MK meeting her husband JK. He slapped her on the ass and said "do you want to make out?" She said no and declared him annoying. They are together over a decade later. So sweet.
• My 4yr old went into the porta-potty. I made sure he turned the green button to red by locking the door before I went in the next one. He came out first and wanted to know which one I was in. I banged on the side to show him and he said in his worried tone "MOM, you're not supposed to go in the red one's!!"
• Hearing Cheryl Wheeler. She's super funny and a good songwriter.
• The supposed 3-hour nap I took on Saturday. Thanks Kevin!
• KARK(f) reminding me that two years previous I was grumpy on the last day (Sundays are hard) and had told them before we left that "I am sorry I am moody. I haven't pooped in three days, I am tired, and I have dust boogers."
• I am happy to report, I was much less grumpy this time on the last day of Wheatland. I swear it was the walking tacos.
• My mom made awesome chicken salad, lent me her belt and put up with my eye rolling at her humming. (To tunes she had never heard - she was predicting the next note....but really, I'm sorry).
• My mom and dad impress me by coming to Wheatland even though they are "seniors", camping, and actually having a good time. They're so cool.
• I love Wheatland. It catapults me right into feeling fallish. It is good time spent with old and new friends. The kids love it, except for the "boring" music. I get a weekend outdoors.

Until next year, "Happy Wheatland!"

What We Could Do With A Love Like That

Even after all this time
The sun never says to the earth "you owe me".
Look what happens with a Love like that!

It lights the whole Sky. (Hafiz)

If I had to guess at why I was put on this earth - what difference I can make - I would say it has to be to love. I think we are all here to love, though. Is that a special skill? Something that can be made into a PrimeTime Heroes character? I mean do I really posess any loving talent greater than another? No, I don't think so. But I do think that loving is central to my existence. I want to learn how to do it well.

I already love so many people. I love the people put in my life without earthly choice: my parents, my children, my grandparents, my in-laws (via the earthly choice of my husband).

My earthly choices: Kevin and my friends.

The various people that I know well enough to show my love: co-workers, friends of friends, long ago friends, friends parents, teachers, people that I see frequently- some whose names I don't know (grocery store clerks), kids friends, kid friends parents.

Those that aren't the easiest to get along with because of who I am: George W. Bush, haters, negative people, manipulators, con artists, people with extremely different beliefs than me, darkworkers.

And the others - the one's that I find it hardest to love: criminals, child abusers, toxic people.

Those people least like me are hardest to know, right? I mean our differences make us resist getting to know one another. There are a lot more people in this world that are different than me than are the same. And yet, as I explained in my other post: Whatever, Same Difference, those differences are neither here nor there. I don't really care about them - when it comes down to humanity and love, I would prefer to hedge my bets on love winning in the end.

Do I want to make earthly choices about how to spend my time? Yes. I would rather spend my time with people that respect me and love me back.

Did I make an earthly choice on who to marry? Yes. I had to pick one person, people. And he had to pick me back. That's how marriage works (for me). Do I think that means I could never love another man again? No. I know I could - in much the same way. And I hope, should anything ever happen, that Kevin could love another woman in a similar way.

Love is our greatest expression of freedom. When we stop putting obstacles in the way of love and just love - we are truly free.

I wrote a question on facebook the other day. I asked my girlfriends to tell me if they tell their girlfriends that they love them, hug/kiss them, hold hands, or any physical contact (out of support or just because). I wasn't asking because I have an agenda. I just wanted to know. We give guys a hard time for their lack of emotions and ability to hug other guys. And yet, at most I hug my friends hello or goodbye. I sometimes tell girlfriends I love them. And I have kissed a few friends on the cheek when I felt they really needed the support. Yet, my daughter naturally holds hands with her best friend as they walk down the street. She and her friend giggle and hug and express their feelings about their "best friendship" with ease. And I sit wondering. When will that change? What rules will our girls learn that will suffocate their natural expression of love?

Is reading this making you squirm? Or question my sexual orientation? Honestly, it is making me squirm a little at thought of being questioned. And yet, I am learning to not care. I love to love. I love to be free in that way. There are so many rules I can't keep up with them - so I try not to. The love I feel for my fellow humans transcends those well known Greek/Christian classifications: Eros (sexual), Phileo (brotherly), Storge (parental), Xenia (hospitality). I feel something more like Agape: loving the soul of every individual.

If I could be a Hero would my special power (Love) make me extremely weak or superhumanly strong? Would I be so loving and trusting of others that one could come to me in a hug and stab me in the back? Or would my continued love for them at the moment of my death transcend death itself?

The children of Adam are limbs of each other
Having been created of one essence.
When the calamity of time afflicts one limb
The other limbs cannot remain at rest.
If you have no sympathy for the troubles of others
You are not worthy to be called by the name of "man". - Sa'di

He Doesn't Hate School, He'd Just Rather Be Home With Mom

Well, today was the first day of school. As a kid, I always loved the beginning of school. It meant fall, apples, cool days, new routines. I just couldn't wait to go back. The new school year eventually became old routine, but September 1st - November 1st was heaven.

My husband hated school as a kid - especially back to school. Kevin's ADHD and dyslexia contributed to his anxiety. So, when our 9 year old started saying he hated school in 1st grade we were not surprised. He has been diagnosed with ADHD and generalized anxiety disorder. He has pretty severe separation anxiety from mom (that's me).

Each school year since kindergarten has played a large part of our understanding our ADHD/GAD child. In kindergarten we realized he has trouble focusing. 1st grade he was diagnosed with ADHD and started meds. 2nd grade he had a teacher that he loved- and although she wasn't the best academic teacher in the world we realized the importance of having a kind, soft-spoken teacher for him. 3rd grade he was diagnosed with GAD and we trialed different medications and doses to add to the ADHD med. We also had team meetings with school officials, his teacher, and an advocate. As a team, we wrote a 504 plan that allows him certain accomodations, such as: two phone calls home during the day, 5 minutes in the hall when he needs a break, a wiggle seat, and a safe place in the school when he is feeling very anxious.

It is very hard to be a parent of a child with special needs. For me it is not hard work physically, or even mentally. Just hard work emotionally. Sometimes I am Tough Mom and tell him that no matter his crying and whining he is going to school. I have to unlock his grip from my arms and hand him over to the principal and run. Seriously. Other times I am Easy Mom and I let him stay home. I don't know if there is a reason that I choose to do one over the other. I think I just get a feeling of how serious his anxiety is at the moment - and, honestly, my ability to cope. And no matter how I choose to react, I always let him know I love him.

Last year was hard in many ways. We were trying to figure out the best medication combination for his anxiety and ADHD. This led to some anger and aggression on certain meds or doses. He got in a few fights, he talked about not living, he was miserable. By the end of the year we had a good combination ironed out and he finished the year well. Besides, it's easier for him to be in a good mood when the end is near.

So, imagine my surprise when he asked, out of nowhere, this past weekend "Mom if I never call home for the whole year will you buy me a Nintendo DS?" I said "SURE!" without even thinking about it. Then I quickly added "Actually, I still want you to be able to call home. But if you don't cry at drop off for the whole year you can have a Nintendo DS." He was super-geeked. SUPER! We had been talking about what it will take for him to get into Michigan State (where his dad and I went), as is his plan. I told him he has to get A's, B's, and C's at least. That means he has to stay in school and try. Soon after this conversation he asked about the DS.

I believe that he thought about the long-range goal of college, which created his short-term goal of a successful 4th grade. He then asked for a reward for meeting that short term goal. I didn't bribe him, coerce him, or dangle the prize in front of him. It was a huge moment for me. I am very proud of him. Little does he know I probably would have said yes to just about any toy or gadget. I just want him to be happy and fearless. Fearless, because nothing he does or does not do could change my love for him. And I know that happiness happens when you choose it. He has to go to school, that is not a choice. His freedom lies in choosing to have a good time despite his struggles.

The first day of school went really well. No tears. No fear. No clinging hugs. He seemed genuinely okay. That's all I can hope for each day. I love him so much. And I am so grateful.

Talkin' To Your Kids About Sexy

My 7 year old daughter giggles her little heart out when she thinks about her mom and dad kissing. Somewhere along the way she learned the word "sexy". She often wonders if her dad and I have sexy? Do the people on TV have sexy when they kiss? What IS sexy?

I tell her sexy is like a grownup word for pretty. She asks if she is sexy. NO - ABSOLUTELY NOT, YOUNG LADY! You are forbidden from sexy until you are out of this house!

Explaining sex to your kids is a touchy thing. My oldest walked in on us when he was about 5. He has not forgotten that [scary] experience. Neither have I. Since then, he has puzzled together a limited understanding of what sex is. Last year he and a friend googled "big boobs" - he was 8. We sat him down and talked to him about viruses and trojans. You never know what those internet sites will pass to your computer! I DO think it's about time to talk to him about human viruses and Trojans, though. Another time we passed our local strip club and he asked what it was. I told him it is a place where girls dance without their clothes on, and though that may sound appealing, it is not. So there.

I just don't like to lie to my kids. Besides, I am a bad on-the-spot storyteller. I am not one of those mom's that makes up words for their children's body parts and functions. It's penis or vagina, people. Boobs, breasts, or tits. Butt or Booty. That is the vocab you'll hear in this house. So if they ask, I tell. Without making it sound too appealing, of course.

I don't have a lot of inhibitions in the honest about sex category. However, I am a little freakish about shutting and locking the door. Even if the kids are gone. That wide open bedroom door just seems to scream - come look at us!! It's one thing to talk about sex, another thing to be a live demonstration. Yes, they know what goes on behind the doors - or rather, they have some idea. Sometimes they sit and wait for us to open the door. My daughter giggles and asks "were you being sexy together?"

I respond "Yep. So, what should we do today?" I mean, is there a better way?

Feminism vs. Stop Taking Life So Seriously

I truly believe that Zen (or Peace) is achieved internally. You choose to be in a state of Zen or you don't. We are overloaded with rules on how to interact with people so as not to offend. Or, we react negatively to others because we are told that we are supposed to be offended. Have you ever paused (after you've reacted) to wonder why you reacted so strongly? What if how peaceful you feel is influenced by how you react to life's crazy little moments, and not because the crazy little moments exist?

A few years ago, I went to the mall to pick out a new wedding band (mine had vanished). I was in a good mood. I was by myself, picking out expensive jewelry. REALLY good mood. 3 hours later, despite my inablility to make a decision, I maintained my good attitude. The people working with me were very patient. I joked, I laughed, I almost cried (when it hit me what I had lost: grandma's diamonds). But I had fun.

I was leaving the mall when I came to an escalator that wasn't working. In the middle of the escalator were two teenage boys playing around and looking over the side. I started a little "escalator jog" up the middle, between them. I was wearing jogging pants, so I thought I would put them to use.

When I got to them I said "Did you guys stop this thing?" with a smile on my face. One of them answered "Naw" and the other looked at me and made a Pffffff sound and said "What's yo name?" to which I answered "Oh, I am too old for you" as I jogged up past them. I thought it was over. The banter. But No, he replies "But yo ass ain't".....

Mind starts racing... Huh?..... I should turn around and say something about respecting the ladies. Wait, am I really offended?....Nope, I guess not enough - just keep going.... Still in a good mood.

I called Kevin to apologize for being so late and I told him the story. When I got to the "punch line" I started to crack up. I have laughed every time I have told this story. What is so funny? The comments were unexpected, but mostly that my 30 year old booty appealed to a random high school boy! HA! Wow! When someone compliments me, even in an offhand way, it's my choice to accept it and say thank you, or not and get offended.

I recently had a freind (woman) say "At the risk of sounding queer, I want to tell you how pretty I think you are". I accepted her compliment. Later, I wondered why can't we compliment people without starting a sentence "at the risk of sounding queer, sexist, ageist, etc"? And why can't we also accept a compliment without explaining it away to them or to ourselves? It's hard to do. I wanted to tell her "Oh, no you are so silly", but instead I just said "thanks". It wasn't a game. It was a genuine compliment and a peaceful acceptance.

I know that the peace I feel or don't feel is my decision. I am at peace with some cellulite and an aging body. BUT especially when it is complimented. So the feminist in me, who would have turned around and taught the boys a lesson, was not in that evening. I was happy, peaceful and light hearted and so I shut down the "reactor" in my head and kept walking. That boy certainly didn't earn my respect, and that was HIS choice. My choice was to move on. My choice was to smile and take the compliment, however offhanded it was.

There is a great song from my youth that I am proud to say still applied to ME that night:

I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up front
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring--Sir Mix-a-Lot

How 18,000 Greenbacks Found Their Way Home

This is the tale of my biggest mistake to date. The one that could have sent my husband packing....

Once upon a time I was desperate for a job I could do from home. I found an adorable children's clothing company that was just starting up as a direct-sales business. The clever and charming owner called me personally when I sent my kit money in. I was a naive and trusting girl. We developed a "friendship". Words full of magical fluff spilled from her mouth. Soon I was her number two - her Chief of Staff, she proclaimed.

When the company was behind in production - I offered to do anything I could to help. She just needed a little money. Taking equity out my house I gave my new best friend $18,000 dollars for small ownership in her company.

Fast forward - her practices got worse. Or maybe she was slipping on the cover-up. I was flabbergasted when she admitted to me that she used MY money to buy a big screen TV and a sectional couch. She started ignoring my phone calls. The friends I had made were leaving the business - warning me as they went. I stayed, in hopes that I could still help her and afraid to leave my investment. Finally, the writing was on the wall - in ALL CAPS and bold letters. GET OUT NOW!!!!!! So, I did. I said goodbye to my hard work, my hopes for my future as Chief of Staff, my money, and most upsetting: my belief in the goodness of this person.

After I was no longer involved in the goings-on I tried to work with her to get my $18,000 back. I learned (finally) con artist's don't work well with others. So, I went to lawyers. Lawyers said "Ha, $18,000. Funny. Call me when you lose $100,000." I realized the entire thing was all part of her plan. She had actually borrowed $30,000 at that time, my $18,000 and someone else's $12,000. Not to mention a bunch of little loans. I found out that she owed a lot of people small sums. Man, she was GOOD at this con artist thing.

So, we gave up. Life went on. I missed my money. I talked to it every so often. Asking it to find it's way back to me. I laid out my purse at night in hopes that it would catch the familiar scent of me and come crawling home. But, alas, it did not.

Kevin loved me anyway. He never once got mad at me or called me a stupid idiot.

Time passed. We were not looking to move but we found this great house in our special Leave it To Beaver neighborhood. It was still in the city limits but overflowing with Mother Nature's abundance. Our own oasis. Well, Outdated 80's Oasis. We were smitten with the potential. We put in an offer. It was accepted. This was January.

While waiting to close on the house we learned that a water pipe broke. It flowed for a day or two and water had gone everywhere. We were told "It's bad. It might be too much water." Sure enough water had flooded our oasis. It started in the kitchen. Spread to the dining room. Poured down the stairs to the basement (it's a walkout). Dripped through the kitchen floor to the basement ceiling. Goodbye basement carpet, ceiling and walls. Goodbye kitchen walls and floor. Goodbye carpet in the dining room. Goodbye flaming red carpet in the den.

The bank that owned the house had three days to pull out. I don't think they even thought of it. They were sick and tired of the house. They hired a mold guy. He eventually cleared it to be put back together. They fixed the walls in the kitchen and painted the entire kitchen a color that I chose. They replaced the ceramic tile on the kitchen floor with tile we liked. They put back the basement ceiling and put in carpet that we chose. The red carpet was replaced. We received a credit for the dining room floor and basement walls. We had upgrades planned for those. We ended up buying the house for the original agreed upon price, before the damage.

A few months later I was expressing my gratitude all over again, silently to God. I realized in a flash the oddest coincidence. The cost the bank incurred to put back our house was $17,800!! I could not believe it. The Money Heard Me! My 18,000 Greenback Friends Had Come Home!

Do I sometimes wish that my clever friend would wake up and realize how wrong she was and send us the money in the mail with a long apology? Of course - but only once in a great while. Thing is I am grateful. I had an amazing experience working in her company. I met great people. I gained confidence in myself. I realize now what the lawyers were saying - if I had more money at the time I probably would have given it to her . Con artists can do HUGE damage. Mine was not huge. And I had the opportunity to experience God's magic. There is a greater force at work.

She Talks To Angels

Have you ever heard voices? Or had visions? Do you communicate with God, Angels, or dead people? Do they communicate back?

When I was a kid I remember hearing voices in my head. I never told anyone about them. They seemed a little creepy - calling my name - seeking my attention. I figured the best that could come of it would be a trip to Dr. PsychO. I have always had intimate discussions with God. Mostly one way. I loved the book "Are you There God, It's Me Margaret?" just for the simple fact that another child was talking to God - often. When I talked to God, I didn't really list off my wishes, I left those for Santa. I really just had questions and wonders.

My teenage years consisted of just getting through. As did college. I pushed through college in 3 1/2 years. Not because I am a super-overachiever or because I am super smart. I just figured I better get it done with quick, before I quit. I like to quit. I might decide one day just to quit this blog - so be ready. I like to say "I like change" instead of "I quit". Anyways, I am rambling. So, I got through college and LIFE opened up to me. An inifinite amount of choices and opportunities to be ME.

Over the last five years I have taken a strong interest in personal development. I sought answers to the questions I had as a child. I became immersed in all things spiritual, mostly books and youtube videos by nationally known authors. You can find most of their works in the New Age section. A few New Age authors, with many bestsellers, have the privlege of residing in the Self Improvement section. I have read Wayne Dyer, Don Miguel Ruiz, Byron Katie, Doreen Virtue, Jane Roberts, Esther and Jerry Hicks (Abraham), Eckhart Tolle, Debbie Ford, Neale Donald Walsch, etc. As I rode out my life journey many other things began to happen to lead me in new directions.

I had a friend introduce me to Shamanic Journeying to drum music. During my first time I had a very strong vision about a friend's child that was going through some things. I shared the vision with my friend in hopes that it would help.

A good friend's deceased dad (whom I have never met) started "talking" to me during a meditation. When I silently expressed my disbelief that HE was really talking, he gave me a obscure piece of info to pass on. Later it was confirmed accurate by my friend's mom. I also had this feeling of her dad's personality from my meeting with him and shared it with her. She said it sounded accurate.

I regularly ask Angels and Spirit Guides to help me and guide me. I usually get pretty clear advice if I am open and willing to listen.

Last spring, while Googling something specific, I came across Steve Pavlina's website. Evidently, he is the Online Blog Guru for all things personal development. I was stunned that I had never heard of him before. I spend a lot of time on the internet researching personal development. Then I noticed he was promoting his wife's blog, Erin Pavlina. Erin writes about her experiences as an inutitive. I was in love with their togetherness. Two things I was passionate about under ONE roof. I can't imagine what it's like to be at their dinner table.

I booked an appointment with Erin and had a reading. I found her to be spot-on. She wasn't predicting my future, she was giving me guidance (from my guides) on where I could be heading. Everything she relayed to me I had heard from my own intuition, before my reading. However, my interpretations were a mumble-jumble mess of should's and should not's. She clearly stated the could's. Things I could do, if I chose to. She cleared my imaginary windshield so I could see where I was going.

Today I emailed her another thank you. I wish I could personally thank all of the people that been serendipitously placed in my life to help guide me back to myself.

Part of my feeling different has to do with my life-long quest to know God. To know the reality of life beyond this life. Do I think I have all of the answers? No. Do I have some ideas? Definitely. Do I want to know more? Sure. Everyone I come into contact with is placed in my life to be my teacher. I know this. Life is the classroom for the Soul.

Special thanks to some of my favorite teachers:
My great friend KARK (female version) who has taught me so much about being religious and spiritual!
My mom who taught me that it's not what you say but what you do that matters.
My husband who loves me unconditionally (almost - except for the short hair, tattoo and drag on a cigarette that I take once a year)
My MIL who taught me to be honest and set boundaries.
Countless friends who share different beliefs than me but have the courage to love me anyway!
My dad and my grandpa M. Two beautiful, kind men that made me feel captivating before I knew what captivating was.
My kids for teaching me that I still have a lot to learn!