Knowitalledness, Be Sabered!

I've been thinking a lot lately about the recent day that the phrase know-it-all was used in conjunction with "your tendencies" (your, meaning mine). It really bothered me at first, because I truly don't want to be thought of as anything but smart, lovely, kind, and wonderful. Not because I need someone else to give me a sense of personal worth, but because that is how I see myself (and oy, I know how that sounds). I recognize that I am not those things all of the time, but I also recognize that at my core I AM those things in abundance. The thing is,if I can see my smart, lovely, kind and wonderful self, it means I have eyes to see the world, and you, in the same way.

The most uneasy thing about being called a know-it-all is that I knew it had truth and yet I struggled with the negativity of it. It was a hard thing to own immediately because when you Google Know-it-All, you'll find this definition on Wikipedia: A know-it-all or know-all is a person who obnoxiously purports an expansive comprehension of a topic and/or situation when in reality, his/her comprehension is inaccurate or limited. The rub for me was "obnoxiously purports and his/her comprehension is inaccurate or limited." My comprehension is certainly limited when it comes to your life and what you need. That's a given. However, I don't speak about things which I have no comprehension. I ask about those things. I don't know if I come off as obnoxiously purporting things to be true that aren't. If I do, tell me. The truth is that I love to learn from others, from the internet, from books and from life experience. LOVE it. I will consume as much information as possible about a subject in order to have as many perspectives as possible. I will research something until I have exhausted much of the library and Google's relevant information. I will try books, products, ways of being, new activities, etc. to see what thing/way feels true to me. I don't research to know everything that is right for YOU, I research to help me understand my world. When you and I have a conversation, you may notice that I love to talk and connect dots with you - connection is another of my favorite things in the world.

So, it is true that I love to accumulate information. Not to be a know-it-all and impress you, but so that I can know what I like and how I want to live. Then, here's the rub on YOU, friend, I get super excited about what I have learned and what I know and I like to share my knowledge. I don't do it in hopes that you take my word for it and follow my path, look up to me, or think I'm amazing. I share with the hope that you will share, too. I really do respect your journey, and I really like you, damn it. I want you and I to be freakin' bad-ass Jedi's and cross our lightsabers. And I want you to tell me all about your lightsaber and why you love it and what amazing things you have done with it. I don't think my lightsaber is better than yours, it's just the tool that I use to deflect the darkness. I picked up the methods I use to wield my lightsaber in Jedi training, as well through certain natural instincts. I totally get that you have your Jedi training and your own natural instincts and I want to honor them. Have I lost you, Obi Wan? This is the heart of my rambling: You have your own way of living, loving and being. And I LOVE that about you, and I want to know how you manage to do all that you do and be all that you are because you are my hero. I am in awe of you.

The conclusion? I don't want to be on anyone's pedestal. I want to be someone you walk your path with (for as long as you will have me) sharing stories, likes and dislikes, and Jedi Master tricks. And, I want you to know that when I tell you about the latest thing I love or have found, or that my life is better for something or someone that I have come to know, I am not saying it with any sense of I-know-better or I-am-better. I'm not. It's not my way. It's that I love me. And because I love me, I love you. Because I love my life, I love your life. Because I am grateful for amazing finds, I am grateful for finding an amazing you. This may not make my knowitalledness any easier for you, but knowing what I know about me, it's made it easier for me to accept what I am. I am okay with my current level of Jedi training, my purple lightsaber and my path (including the shadows), and I am more than okay with yours.

With genuine love for thee,

Katie

**As a disclaimer: this post is a response to a comment a friend made after I argued (in love) with her about pasta. I know this person loves me for who I am and that helps me feel safe to dig deep. I have amazing friends that see all of me and love me with honesty and I am extremely grateful.