My 7 year old daughter giggles her little heart out when she thinks about her mom and dad kissing. Somewhere along the way she learned the word "sexy". She often wonders if her dad and I have sexy? Do the people on TV have sexy when they kiss? What IS sexy?
I tell her sexy is like a grownup word for pretty. She asks if she is sexy. NO - ABSOLUTELY NOT, YOUNG LADY! You are forbidden from sexy until you are out of this house!
Explaining sex to your kids is a touchy thing. My oldest walked in on us when he was about 5. He has not forgotten that [scary] experience. Neither have I. Since then, he has puzzled together a limited understanding of what sex is. Last year he and a friend googled "big boobs" - he was 8. We sat him down and talked to him about viruses and trojans. You never know what those internet sites will pass to your computer! I DO think it's about time to talk to him about human viruses and Trojans, though. Another time we passed our local strip club and he asked what it was. I told him it is a place where girls dance without their clothes on, and though that may sound appealing, it is not. So there.
I just don't like to lie to my kids. Besides, I am a bad on-the-spot storyteller. I am not one of those mom's that makes up words for their children's body parts and functions. It's penis or vagina, people. Boobs, breasts, or tits. Butt or Booty. That is the vocab you'll hear in this house. So if they ask, I tell. Without making it sound too appealing, of course.
I don't have a lot of inhibitions in the honest about sex category. However, I am a little freakish about shutting and locking the door. Even if the kids are gone. That wide open bedroom door just seems to scream - come look at us!! It's one thing to talk about sex, another thing to be a live demonstration. Yes, they know what goes on behind the doors - or rather, they have some idea. Sometimes they sit and wait for us to open the door. My daughter giggles and asks "were you being sexy together?"
I respond "Yep. So, what should we do today?" I mean, is there a better way?
Friday, August 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Feminism vs. Stop Taking Life So Seriously
I truly believe that Zen (or Peace) is achieved internally. You choose to be in a state of Zen or you don't. We are overloaded with rules on how to interact with people so as not to offend. Or, we react negatively to others because we are told that we are supposed to be offended. Have you ever paused (after you've reacted) to wonder why you reacted so strongly? What if how peaceful you feel is influenced by how you react to life's crazy little moments, and not because the crazy little moments exist?
A few years ago, I went to the mall to pick out a new wedding band (mine had vanished). I was in a good mood. I was by myself, picking out expensive jewelry. REALLY good mood. 3 hours later, despite my inablility to make a decision, I maintained my good attitude. The people working with me were very patient. I joked, I laughed, I almost cried (when it hit me what I had lost: grandma's diamonds). But I had fun.
I was leaving the mall when I came to an escalator that wasn't working. In the middle of the escalator were two teenage boys playing around and looking over the side. I started a little "escalator jog" up the middle, between them. I was wearing jogging pants, so I thought I would put them to use.
When I got to them I said "Did you guys stop this thing?" with a smile on my face. One of them answered "Naw" and the other looked at me and made a Pffffff sound and said "What's yo name?" to which I answered "Oh, I am too old for you" as I jogged up past them. I thought it was over. The banter. But No, he replies "But yo ass ain't".....
Mind starts racing... Huh?..... I should turn around and say something about respecting the ladies. Wait, am I really offended?....Nope, I guess not enough - just keep going.... Still in a good mood.
I called Kevin to apologize for being so late and I told him the story. When I got to the "punch line" I started to crack up. I have laughed every time I have told this story. What is so funny? The comments were unexpected, but mostly that my 30 year old booty appealed to a random high school boy! HA! Wow! When someone compliments me, even in an offhand way, it's my choice to accept it and say thank you, or not and get offended.
I recently had a freind (woman) say "At the risk of sounding queer, I want to tell you how pretty I think you are". I accepted her compliment. Later, I wondered why can't we compliment people without starting a sentence "at the risk of sounding queer, sexist, ageist, etc"? And why can't we also accept a compliment without explaining it away to them or to ourselves? It's hard to do. I wanted to tell her "Oh, no you are so silly", but instead I just said "thanks". It wasn't a game. It was a genuine compliment and a peaceful acceptance.
I know that the peace I feel or don't feel is my decision. I am at peace with some cellulite and an aging body. BUT especially when it is complimented. So the feminist in me, who would have turned around and taught the boys a lesson, was not in that evening. I was happy, peaceful and light hearted and so I shut down the "reactor" in my head and kept walking. That boy certainly didn't earn my respect, and that was HIS choice. My choice was to move on. My choice was to smile and take the compliment, however offhanded it was.
There is a great song from my youth that I am proud to say still applied to ME that night:
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up front
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring--Sir Mix-a-Lot
A few years ago, I went to the mall to pick out a new wedding band (mine had vanished). I was in a good mood. I was by myself, picking out expensive jewelry. REALLY good mood. 3 hours later, despite my inablility to make a decision, I maintained my good attitude. The people working with me were very patient. I joked, I laughed, I almost cried (when it hit me what I had lost: grandma's diamonds). But I had fun.
I was leaving the mall when I came to an escalator that wasn't working. In the middle of the escalator were two teenage boys playing around and looking over the side. I started a little "escalator jog" up the middle, between them. I was wearing jogging pants, so I thought I would put them to use.
When I got to them I said "Did you guys stop this thing?" with a smile on my face. One of them answered "Naw" and the other looked at me and made a Pffffff sound and said "What's yo name?" to which I answered "Oh, I am too old for you" as I jogged up past them. I thought it was over. The banter. But No, he replies "But yo ass ain't".....
Mind starts racing... Huh?..... I should turn around and say something about respecting the ladies. Wait, am I really offended?....Nope, I guess not enough - just keep going.... Still in a good mood.
I called Kevin to apologize for being so late and I told him the story. When I got to the "punch line" I started to crack up. I have laughed every time I have told this story. What is so funny? The comments were unexpected, but mostly that my 30 year old booty appealed to a random high school boy! HA! Wow! When someone compliments me, even in an offhand way, it's my choice to accept it and say thank you, or not and get offended.
I recently had a freind (woman) say "At the risk of sounding queer, I want to tell you how pretty I think you are". I accepted her compliment. Later, I wondered why can't we compliment people without starting a sentence "at the risk of sounding queer, sexist, ageist, etc"? And why can't we also accept a compliment without explaining it away to them or to ourselves? It's hard to do. I wanted to tell her "Oh, no you are so silly", but instead I just said "thanks". It wasn't a game. It was a genuine compliment and a peaceful acceptance.
I know that the peace I feel or don't feel is my decision. I am at peace with some cellulite and an aging body. BUT especially when it is complimented. So the feminist in me, who would have turned around and taught the boys a lesson, was not in that evening. I was happy, peaceful and light hearted and so I shut down the "reactor" in my head and kept walking. That boy certainly didn't earn my respect, and that was HIS choice. My choice was to move on. My choice was to smile and take the compliment, however offhanded it was.
There is a great song from my youth that I am proud to say still applied to ME that night:
I like big butts and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up front
Cuz you notice that butt was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring--Sir Mix-a-Lot
Friday, August 22, 2008
How 18,000 Greenbacks Found Their Way Home
This is the tale of my biggest mistake to date. The one that could have sent my husband packing....
Once upon a time I was desperate for a job I could do from home. I found an adorable children's clothing company that was just starting up as a direct-sales business. The clever and charming owner called me personally when I sent my kit money in. I was a naive and trusting girl. We developed a "friendship". Words full of magical fluff spilled from her mouth. Soon I was her number two - her Chief of Staff, she proclaimed.
When the company was behind in production - I offered to do anything I could to help. She just needed a little money. Taking equity out my house I gave my new best friend $18,000 dollars for small ownership in her company.
Fast forward - her practices got worse. Or maybe she was slipping on the cover-up. I was flabbergasted when she admitted to me that she used MY money to buy a big screen TV and a sectional couch. She started ignoring my phone calls. The friends I had made were leaving the business - warning me as they went. I stayed, in hopes that I could still help her and afraid to leave my investment. Finally, the writing was on the wall - in ALL CAPS and bold letters. GET OUT NOW!!!!!! So, I did. I said goodbye to my hard work, my hopes for my future as Chief of Staff, my money, and most upsetting: my belief in the goodness of this person.
After I was no longer involved in the goings-on I tried to work with her to get my $18,000 back. I learned (finally) con artist's don't work well with others. So, I went to lawyers. Lawyers said "Ha, $18,000. Funny. Call me when you lose $100,000." I realized the entire thing was all part of her plan. She had actually borrowed $30,000 at that time, my $18,000 and someone else's $12,000. Not to mention a bunch of little loans. I found out that she owed a lot of people small sums. Man, she was GOOD at this con artist thing.
So, we gave up. Life went on. I missed my money. I talked to it every so often. Asking it to find it's way back to me. I laid out my purse at night in hopes that it would catch the familiar scent of me and come crawling home. But, alas, it did not.
Kevin loved me anyway. He never once got mad at me or called me a stupid idiot.
Time passed. We were not looking to move but we found this great house in our special Leave it To Beaver neighborhood. It was still in the city limits but overflowing with Mother Nature's abundance. Our own oasis. Well, Outdated 80's Oasis. We were smitten with the potential. We put in an offer. It was accepted. This was January.
While waiting to close on the house we learned that a water pipe broke. It flowed for a day or two and water had gone everywhere. We were told "It's bad. It might be too much water." Sure enough water had flooded our oasis. It started in the kitchen. Spread to the dining room. Poured down the stairs to the basement (it's a walkout). Dripped through the kitchen floor to the basement ceiling. Goodbye basement carpet, ceiling and walls. Goodbye kitchen walls and floor. Goodbye carpet in the dining room. Goodbye flaming red carpet in the den.
The bank that owned the house had three days to pull out. I don't think they even thought of it. They were sick and tired of the house. They hired a mold guy. He eventually cleared it to be put back together. They fixed the walls in the kitchen and painted the entire kitchen a color that I chose. They replaced the ceramic tile on the kitchen floor with tile we liked. They put back the basement ceiling and put in carpet that we chose. The red carpet was replaced. We received a credit for the dining room floor and basement walls. We had upgrades planned for those. We ended up buying the house for the original agreed upon price, before the damage.
A few months later I was expressing my gratitude all over again, silently to God. I realized in a flash the oddest coincidence. The cost the bank incurred to put back our house was $17,800!! I could not believe it. The Money Heard Me! My 18,000 Greenback Friends Had Come Home!
Do I sometimes wish that my clever friend would wake up and realize how wrong she was and send us the money in the mail with a long apology? Of course - but only once in a great while. Thing is I am grateful. I had an amazing experience working in her company. I met great people. I gained confidence in myself. I realize now what the lawyers were saying - if I had more money at the time I probably would have given it to her . Con artists can do HUGE damage. Mine was not huge. And I had the opportunity to experience God's magic. There is a greater force at work.
Once upon a time I was desperate for a job I could do from home. I found an adorable children's clothing company that was just starting up as a direct-sales business. The clever and charming owner called me personally when I sent my kit money in. I was a naive and trusting girl. We developed a "friendship". Words full of magical fluff spilled from her mouth. Soon I was her number two - her Chief of Staff, she proclaimed.
When the company was behind in production - I offered to do anything I could to help. She just needed a little money. Taking equity out my house I gave my new best friend $18,000 dollars for small ownership in her company.
Fast forward - her practices got worse. Or maybe she was slipping on the cover-up. I was flabbergasted when she admitted to me that she used MY money to buy a big screen TV and a sectional couch. She started ignoring my phone calls. The friends I had made were leaving the business - warning me as they went. I stayed, in hopes that I could still help her and afraid to leave my investment. Finally, the writing was on the wall - in ALL CAPS and bold letters. GET OUT NOW!!!!!! So, I did. I said goodbye to my hard work, my hopes for my future as Chief of Staff, my money, and most upsetting: my belief in the goodness of this person.
After I was no longer involved in the goings-on I tried to work with her to get my $18,000 back. I learned (finally) con artist's don't work well with others. So, I went to lawyers. Lawyers said "Ha, $18,000. Funny. Call me when you lose $100,000." I realized the entire thing was all part of her plan. She had actually borrowed $30,000 at that time, my $18,000 and someone else's $12,000. Not to mention a bunch of little loans. I found out that she owed a lot of people small sums. Man, she was GOOD at this con artist thing.
So, we gave up. Life went on. I missed my money. I talked to it every so often. Asking it to find it's way back to me. I laid out my purse at night in hopes that it would catch the familiar scent of me and come crawling home. But, alas, it did not.
Kevin loved me anyway. He never once got mad at me or called me a stupid idiot.
Time passed. We were not looking to move but we found this great house in our special Leave it To Beaver neighborhood. It was still in the city limits but overflowing with Mother Nature's abundance. Our own oasis. Well, Outdated 80's Oasis. We were smitten with the potential. We put in an offer. It was accepted. This was January.
While waiting to close on the house we learned that a water pipe broke. It flowed for a day or two and water had gone everywhere. We were told "It's bad. It might be too much water." Sure enough water had flooded our oasis. It started in the kitchen. Spread to the dining room. Poured down the stairs to the basement (it's a walkout). Dripped through the kitchen floor to the basement ceiling. Goodbye basement carpet, ceiling and walls. Goodbye kitchen walls and floor. Goodbye carpet in the dining room. Goodbye flaming red carpet in the den.
The bank that owned the house had three days to pull out. I don't think they even thought of it. They were sick and tired of the house. They hired a mold guy. He eventually cleared it to be put back together. They fixed the walls in the kitchen and painted the entire kitchen a color that I chose. They replaced the ceramic tile on the kitchen floor with tile we liked. They put back the basement ceiling and put in carpet that we chose. The red carpet was replaced. We received a credit for the dining room floor and basement walls. We had upgrades planned for those. We ended up buying the house for the original agreed upon price, before the damage.
A few months later I was expressing my gratitude all over again, silently to God. I realized in a flash the oddest coincidence. The cost the bank incurred to put back our house was $17,800!! I could not believe it. The Money Heard Me! My 18,000 Greenback Friends Had Come Home!
Do I sometimes wish that my clever friend would wake up and realize how wrong she was and send us the money in the mail with a long apology? Of course - but only once in a great while. Thing is I am grateful. I had an amazing experience working in her company. I met great people. I gained confidence in myself. I realize now what the lawyers were saying - if I had more money at the time I probably would have given it to her . Con artists can do HUGE damage. Mine was not huge. And I had the opportunity to experience God's magic. There is a greater force at work.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
She Talks To Angels
Have you ever heard voices? Or had visions? Do you communicate with God, Angels, or dead people? Do they communicate back?
When I was a kid I remember hearing voices in my head. I never told anyone about them. They seemed a little creepy - calling my name - seeking my attention. I figured the best that could come of it would be a trip to Dr. PsychO. I have always had intimate discussions with God. Mostly one way. I loved the book "Are you There God, It's Me Margaret?" just for the simple fact that another child was talking to God - often. When I talked to God, I didn't really list off my wishes, I left those for Santa. I really just had questions and wonders.
My teenage years consisted of just getting through. As did college. I pushed through college in 3 1/2 years. Not because I am a super-overachiever or because I am super smart. I just figured I better get it done with quick, before I quit. I like to quit. I might decide one day just to quit this blog - so be ready. I like to say "I like change" instead of "I quit". Anyways, I am rambling. So, I got through college and LIFE opened up to me. An inifinite amount of choices and opportunities to be ME.
Over the last five years I have taken a strong interest in personal development. I sought answers to the questions I had as a child. I became immersed in all things spiritual, mostly books and youtube videos by nationally known authors. You can find most of their works in the New Age section. A few New Age authors, with many bestsellers, have the privlege of residing in the Self Improvement section. I have read Wayne Dyer, Don Miguel Ruiz, Byron Katie, Doreen Virtue, Jane Roberts, Esther and Jerry Hicks (Abraham), Eckhart Tolle, Debbie Ford, Neale Donald Walsch, etc. As I rode out my life journey many other things began to happen to lead me in new directions.
I had a friend introduce me to Shamanic Journeying to drum music. During my first time I had a very strong vision about a friend's child that was going through some things. I shared the vision with my friend in hopes that it would help.
A good friend's deceased dad (whom I have never met) started "talking" to me during a meditation. When I silently expressed my disbelief that HE was really talking, he gave me a obscure piece of info to pass on. Later it was confirmed accurate by my friend's mom. I also had this feeling of her dad's personality from my meeting with him and shared it with her. She said it sounded accurate.
I regularly ask Angels and Spirit Guides to help me and guide me. I usually get pretty clear advice if I am open and willing to listen.
Last spring, while Googling something specific, I came across Steve Pavlina's website. Evidently, he is the Online Blog Guru for all things personal development. I was stunned that I had never heard of him before. I spend a lot of time on the internet researching personal development. Then I noticed he was promoting his wife's blog, Erin Pavlina. Erin writes about her experiences as an inutitive. I was in love with their togetherness. Two things I was passionate about under ONE roof. I can't imagine what it's like to be at their dinner table.
I booked an appointment with Erin and had a reading. I found her to be spot-on. She wasn't predicting my future, she was giving me guidance (from my guides) on where I could be heading. Everything she relayed to me I had heard from my own intuition, before my reading. However, my interpretations were a mumble-jumble mess of should's and should not's. She clearly stated the could's. Things I could do, if I chose to. She cleared my imaginary windshield so I could see where I was going.
Today I emailed her another thank you. I wish I could personally thank all of the people that been serendipitously placed in my life to help guide me back to myself.
Part of my feeling different has to do with my life-long quest to know God. To know the reality of life beyond this life. Do I think I have all of the answers? No. Do I have some ideas? Definitely. Do I want to know more? Sure. Everyone I come into contact with is placed in my life to be my teacher. I know this. Life is the classroom for the Soul.
Special thanks to some of my favorite teachers:
My great friend KARK (female version) who has taught me so much about being religious and spiritual!
My mom who taught me that it's not what you say but what you do that matters.
My husband who loves me unconditionally (almost - except for the short hair, tattoo and drag on a cigarette that I take once a year)
My MIL who taught me to be honest and set boundaries.
Countless friends who share different beliefs than me but have the courage to love me anyway!
My dad and my grandpa M. Two beautiful, kind men that made me feel captivating before I knew what captivating was.
My kids for teaching me that I still have a lot to learn!
When I was a kid I remember hearing voices in my head. I never told anyone about them. They seemed a little creepy - calling my name - seeking my attention. I figured the best that could come of it would be a trip to Dr. PsychO. I have always had intimate discussions with God. Mostly one way. I loved the book "Are you There God, It's Me Margaret?" just for the simple fact that another child was talking to God - often. When I talked to God, I didn't really list off my wishes, I left those for Santa. I really just had questions and wonders.
My teenage years consisted of just getting through. As did college. I pushed through college in 3 1/2 years. Not because I am a super-overachiever or because I am super smart. I just figured I better get it done with quick, before I quit. I like to quit. I might decide one day just to quit this blog - so be ready. I like to say "I like change" instead of "I quit". Anyways, I am rambling. So, I got through college and LIFE opened up to me. An inifinite amount of choices and opportunities to be ME.
Over the last five years I have taken a strong interest in personal development. I sought answers to the questions I had as a child. I became immersed in all things spiritual, mostly books and youtube videos by nationally known authors. You can find most of their works in the New Age section. A few New Age authors, with many bestsellers, have the privlege of residing in the Self Improvement section. I have read Wayne Dyer, Don Miguel Ruiz, Byron Katie, Doreen Virtue, Jane Roberts, Esther and Jerry Hicks (Abraham), Eckhart Tolle, Debbie Ford, Neale Donald Walsch, etc. As I rode out my life journey many other things began to happen to lead me in new directions.
I had a friend introduce me to Shamanic Journeying to drum music. During my first time I had a very strong vision about a friend's child that was going through some things. I shared the vision with my friend in hopes that it would help.
A good friend's deceased dad (whom I have never met) started "talking" to me during a meditation. When I silently expressed my disbelief that HE was really talking, he gave me a obscure piece of info to pass on. Later it was confirmed accurate by my friend's mom. I also had this feeling of her dad's personality from my meeting with him and shared it with her. She said it sounded accurate.
I regularly ask Angels and Spirit Guides to help me and guide me. I usually get pretty clear advice if I am open and willing to listen.
Last spring, while Googling something specific, I came across Steve Pavlina's website. Evidently, he is the Online Blog Guru for all things personal development. I was stunned that I had never heard of him before. I spend a lot of time on the internet researching personal development. Then I noticed he was promoting his wife's blog, Erin Pavlina. Erin writes about her experiences as an inutitive. I was in love with their togetherness. Two things I was passionate about under ONE roof. I can't imagine what it's like to be at their dinner table.
I booked an appointment with Erin and had a reading. I found her to be spot-on. She wasn't predicting my future, she was giving me guidance (from my guides) on where I could be heading. Everything she relayed to me I had heard from my own intuition, before my reading. However, my interpretations were a mumble-jumble mess of should's and should not's. She clearly stated the could's. Things I could do, if I chose to. She cleared my imaginary windshield so I could see where I was going.
Today I emailed her another thank you. I wish I could personally thank all of the people that been serendipitously placed in my life to help guide me back to myself.
Part of my feeling different has to do with my life-long quest to know God. To know the reality of life beyond this life. Do I think I have all of the answers? No. Do I have some ideas? Definitely. Do I want to know more? Sure. Everyone I come into contact with is placed in my life to be my teacher. I know this. Life is the classroom for the Soul.
Special thanks to some of my favorite teachers:
My great friend KARK (female version) who has taught me so much about being religious and spiritual!
My mom who taught me that it's not what you say but what you do that matters.
My husband who loves me unconditionally (almost - except for the short hair, tattoo and drag on a cigarette that I take once a year)
My MIL who taught me to be honest and set boundaries.
Countless friends who share different beliefs than me but have the courage to love me anyway!
My dad and my grandpa M. Two beautiful, kind men that made me feel captivating before I knew what captivating was.
My kids for teaching me that I still have a lot to learn!
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
The Style Of My Life
When I chose Scandalicious Suburbia it was with purpose. My thinking was this: I have a habit of hiding my ideas, beliefs, humor, and awesome dance moves from friends and family. When I let something "slip" it seems that I usually get a reaction. So I conformed - and still do - to fit in. This is something I have done for a lifetime, but have recently been working on changing. I won't always let my freak flag fly, though, because I am naturally shy and introverted. I need breaks, even from myself.
My great friend, KARK (male version), recently criticized my choice of "suburbia". He's just upset because he lives in the same neighborhood and thinks he's really progressive or something. Which he is. He also says what he thinks. Which I love him for. But I realized recently that I have many friends that live nearby and might feel the same. Though no one has asked for an explanation, I am offering one. As is my style, I suppose.
My concept of suburbia says that it does not matter where you dwell - the outskirts of the city limit, as I do, or the neighborhoods popping up in the fields of the rural areas. What makes suburbia suburbia is the lifestyle. The Style of Your Life.
I am middle class. My husband works and I stay home. I have 3 kids and 2 dogs. I drive a mini-van. My kids ride their bikes around the neighborhood. They can walk to school. Our neighbors are helpful and friendly - baking brownies when you move in and keeping an eye on your house when you are away. We have backyard BBQ's, block parties, Christmas parties, pig roasts, Welcome or Goodbye parties - basically any excuse to get together. We have a community swimming pool (not really - but a friend that shares) and a neighborhood garage sale. I sometimes covet what my neighbors have - like affording piano lessons and mini-vans with automatic doors. My kids have more than their fair share of bright colored plastic. Both my husband and I attend parent conferences and help kids with homework. I shop at Target, the mall, World Market (in other words I shop in the suburbs). I never use public transportation. I have walked to the store only a few times in the last 11 years.
I love the neighborhood that I live in. I call it Leave It To Beaver Land. I think it is a great place for kids to grow up and it fits my values well. I find that it draws people that have the same values as me. Older houses with character. Sidewalks. Diverse schools. Different faiths. Liberals. I am not knocking my piece of suburban heaven. I guess I am just calling it what I believe it to be. I'm not asking KARK to call it suburbia - if he did I wouldn't have another button to push.
My great friend, KARK (male version), recently criticized my choice of "suburbia". He's just upset because he lives in the same neighborhood and thinks he's really progressive or something. Which he is. He also says what he thinks. Which I love him for. But I realized recently that I have many friends that live nearby and might feel the same. Though no one has asked for an explanation, I am offering one. As is my style, I suppose.
My concept of suburbia says that it does not matter where you dwell - the outskirts of the city limit, as I do, or the neighborhoods popping up in the fields of the rural areas. What makes suburbia suburbia is the lifestyle. The Style of Your Life.
I am middle class. My husband works and I stay home. I have 3 kids and 2 dogs. I drive a mini-van. My kids ride their bikes around the neighborhood. They can walk to school. Our neighbors are helpful and friendly - baking brownies when you move in and keeping an eye on your house when you are away. We have backyard BBQ's, block parties, Christmas parties, pig roasts, Welcome or Goodbye parties - basically any excuse to get together. We have a community swimming pool (not really - but a friend that shares) and a neighborhood garage sale. I sometimes covet what my neighbors have - like affording piano lessons and mini-vans with automatic doors. My kids have more than their fair share of bright colored plastic. Both my husband and I attend parent conferences and help kids with homework. I shop at Target, the mall, World Market (in other words I shop in the suburbs). I never use public transportation. I have walked to the store only a few times in the last 11 years.
I love the neighborhood that I live in. I call it Leave It To Beaver Land. I think it is a great place for kids to grow up and it fits my values well. I find that it draws people that have the same values as me. Older houses with character. Sidewalks. Diverse schools. Different faiths. Liberals. I am not knocking my piece of suburban heaven. I guess I am just calling it what I believe it to be. I'm not asking KARK to call it suburbia - if he did I wouldn't have another button to push.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Whatever, Same Difference!
Same Difference. Remember that saying? "Whatever, same difference". It is such a strange thing to say. The actual meaning is: the difference between the two things is not important.
Sometimes I think that we get so caught up in our little differences. They don't always seem so little - I know. But they are. What is life about? Why are we here? Those are the big things - the important things -that most of us would agree on, I think. The other things are our same differences. The little things. Our labels.
Christian or Buddhist? Same difference. It's how you treat others that matters. Kindness.
Breast or Bottle? Same difference. It's giving your child a nutritious start. Love.
Stay at Home or Work? Same difference. It's being the best parent that you can be. Balance.
Go Out or Stay In? Same difference. It's about giving yourself the experiences in life that you desire. Living.
City or Nature? Same difference. It's where you feel most alive that you gravitate. Pleasure.
Climb the Ladder or Go Out on a Limb? Same difference. It's about doing what you love. Both have risks. Success.
Best Friend or Social Butterfly? Same difference. It's about finding people that you enjoy spending time with. Laughter.
Point is we need not get caught up on the little things that make us different. Let's focus on what makes us the same. We all want the right to experience Kindness, Love, Balance, Life, Pleasure, Success, Laughter. The joys of life. I am not saying that my idealistic view means someday we should all agree on the details that make life joyful. I am saying that what makes life good for me does not necessarily make it good for another and that is Awesome! I can appreciate that we are all trying to find our way towards Joy.
Look at this list of some things that make my life good. Do we have similarities? How exciting! Do we have differences? How intriguing! Can we be friends?
Nature - yes even leeches, ticks and mucky sand. I LOVE it!
God - My energy Source.
My husband - Loves Me despite OUR same differences... can't ask for anything more.
My kids - Three. All breast fed until I couldn't handle being so attached.
My family
My friends
Being able to stay home with the kids (mostly)
Sending my kids to public schools with diversity - white kids, black kids, Hispanic kids, rich kids, poor kids, angry kids, happy kids, loud kids, quiet kids, good readers, poor readers... DIVERSITY! :)
Having my own diverse friends and acquaintances
All-day Kindergarten - Thank God! And I would Love Year Round School Too!
My dogs - one big, one little
Internet - one of my very best friends
Lipstick - makeup I never go without
Breaks from my kids - Yay!
Trips with friends - Magical!
Girls Night Out - Beyond Words! Keeps me Sane!
Drinks - Sit Back and Relax
Coffee - Wake Up and Get Going
Sugar - Addiction
Books - Fiction and Non. Vampires and God.
Movies - Sometimes to cry. Or Laugh. Or Feel Like a Superhero.
TV Shows
My Sense of Humor - I Love Laughing At Myself
Not Worrying
Watching My Kids Take Risks - be Adventurous. Climb. Fall. Get back up.
Organic Food When I Can - I feel healthier. My bank account get's lighter even if I don't.
Music - LOVE how it changes my mood. Sexy. Sad. Happy. Rockin'. Mellow.
Autumn - God's Gift
Choice - We all Deserve Choices.
Freedom
Money - It Makes Me Happy to Have Some
White Christmas
Thanksgiving - so I can say thanks for all of the above!
Passion - Reasons Are XXX.
If we are the same, I love you. If we differ, I love you. Same difference - I love you.
Sometimes I think that we get so caught up in our little differences. They don't always seem so little - I know. But they are. What is life about? Why are we here? Those are the big things - the important things -that most of us would agree on, I think. The other things are our same differences. The little things. Our labels.
Christian or Buddhist? Same difference. It's how you treat others that matters. Kindness.
Breast or Bottle? Same difference. It's giving your child a nutritious start. Love.
Stay at Home or Work? Same difference. It's being the best parent that you can be. Balance.
Go Out or Stay In? Same difference. It's about giving yourself the experiences in life that you desire. Living.
City or Nature? Same difference. It's where you feel most alive that you gravitate. Pleasure.
Climb the Ladder or Go Out on a Limb? Same difference. It's about doing what you love. Both have risks. Success.
Best Friend or Social Butterfly? Same difference. It's about finding people that you enjoy spending time with. Laughter.
Point is we need not get caught up on the little things that make us different. Let's focus on what makes us the same. We all want the right to experience Kindness, Love, Balance, Life, Pleasure, Success, Laughter. The joys of life. I am not saying that my idealistic view means someday we should all agree on the details that make life joyful. I am saying that what makes life good for me does not necessarily make it good for another and that is Awesome! I can appreciate that we are all trying to find our way towards Joy.
Look at this list of some things that make my life good. Do we have similarities? How exciting! Do we have differences? How intriguing! Can we be friends?
Nature - yes even leeches, ticks and mucky sand. I LOVE it!
God - My energy Source.
My husband - Loves Me despite OUR same differences... can't ask for anything more.
My kids - Three. All breast fed until I couldn't handle being so attached.
My family
My friends
Being able to stay home with the kids (mostly)
Sending my kids to public schools with diversity - white kids, black kids, Hispanic kids, rich kids, poor kids, angry kids, happy kids, loud kids, quiet kids, good readers, poor readers... DIVERSITY! :)
Having my own diverse friends and acquaintances
All-day Kindergarten - Thank God! And I would Love Year Round School Too!
My dogs - one big, one little
Internet - one of my very best friends
Lipstick - makeup I never go without
Breaks from my kids - Yay!
Trips with friends - Magical!
Girls Night Out - Beyond Words! Keeps me Sane!
Drinks - Sit Back and Relax
Coffee - Wake Up and Get Going
Sugar - Addiction
Books - Fiction and Non. Vampires and God.
Movies - Sometimes to cry. Or Laugh. Or Feel Like a Superhero.
TV Shows
My Sense of Humor - I Love Laughing At Myself
Not Worrying
Watching My Kids Take Risks - be Adventurous. Climb. Fall. Get back up.
Organic Food When I Can - I feel healthier. My bank account get's lighter even if I don't.
Music - LOVE how it changes my mood. Sexy. Sad. Happy. Rockin'. Mellow.
Autumn - God's Gift
Choice - We all Deserve Choices.
Freedom
Money - It Makes Me Happy to Have Some
White Christmas
Thanksgiving - so I can say thanks for all of the above!
Passion - Reasons Are XXX.
If we are the same, I love you. If we differ, I love you. Same difference - I love you.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
S'mores and Coors!
I LOVE camping. I love the nature. I love sleeping in a tent. I love making a camp fire and watching the flames dance. I love hiking or biking the trails. It's all fun to me. All of it. I grew up peeing in the woods and finding a leaf to wipe with. Seriously.
My parents actually met and fell in love while camping in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. They did some naughty things during those few fleeting moments they had together in Jackson Hole. I know this because my dad was keeping a journal at the time. My dad had come from his home in California on a cross-country road trip with a friend, a dog, a truck and his guitar. My mom was on a camping trip specifically to Jackson Hole with friends. The dog introduced them by wandering into mom's campground. They had a good time. Dad came to Michigan on his road trip and never left. That was July, they were married in December. I don't know if that is part of why I love camping, but it's my favorite camping love story, anyway.
My parents got kicked out of a campground when we were little. With LITTLE KIDS they still got kicked out. I think it was for singing campground songs and drinking beer?? Uh, doesn't that go hand in hand with camping? They must have been naughtier than they let on... no journal to read about that trip.
Kevin and I did a lot of camping and outdoor adventures when we were together at MSU. More than we do now. I am so happy I married a man that likes to camp and be outdoors. When we introduced babies into our world we stopped camping as much. We camped once a year at Wheatland, and a few times out at my parents (in town). But I can't tell you how long it has been since we have GONE CAMPING.
Tomorrow we leave for a camping trip. We are visiting friends that have a cabin and we are staying in a campground. On hand: tent, sleeping bags, warm clothes, swimsuits, s'mores fixins and beer. Too bad I haven't learned to play guitar yet! We'll still sing....
My parents actually met and fell in love while camping in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. They did some naughty things during those few fleeting moments they had together in Jackson Hole. I know this because my dad was keeping a journal at the time. My dad had come from his home in California on a cross-country road trip with a friend, a dog, a truck and his guitar. My mom was on a camping trip specifically to Jackson Hole with friends. The dog introduced them by wandering into mom's campground. They had a good time. Dad came to Michigan on his road trip and never left. That was July, they were married in December. I don't know if that is part of why I love camping, but it's my favorite camping love story, anyway.
My parents got kicked out of a campground when we were little. With LITTLE KIDS they still got kicked out. I think it was for singing campground songs and drinking beer?? Uh, doesn't that go hand in hand with camping? They must have been naughtier than they let on... no journal to read about that trip.
Kevin and I did a lot of camping and outdoor adventures when we were together at MSU. More than we do now. I am so happy I married a man that likes to camp and be outdoors. When we introduced babies into our world we stopped camping as much. We camped once a year at Wheatland, and a few times out at my parents (in town). But I can't tell you how long it has been since we have GONE CAMPING.
Tomorrow we leave for a camping trip. We are visiting friends that have a cabin and we are staying in a campground. On hand: tent, sleeping bags, warm clothes, swimsuits, s'mores fixins and beer. Too bad I haven't learned to play guitar yet! We'll still sing....
Monday, August 11, 2008
What It Takes to Be a Hippie
My friend C stopped by with her girls during their bike ride today. It was great to see them. The girls are so sweet. The older is eight and she informed me today that her mom is a hippie. (C was on the phone so I don't think she could confirm or deny the charges at the time).
Me: Oh, really?
Girl: Yes, do you know what makes a person a hippie?
Me: No, not exactly. Tell me.
Girl: Well, first you have to like the Banjo (her mom plays a little). Second, you have to like Wheatland (as many of us do). Third, you have to have a car with a lot of room (uh, this is Minivan, USA!)
Me: Well, I think you are right then. Your mom qualifies!
C is off the phone and says she doesn't think she is a hippie. Together, we all come up with a few more G-rated hippie qualifiers. One attainable qualifier was mentioned - underarm hair. Evidently, according to the girls, we have plenty of time to grow it out for Wheatland. And our leg hair. And our toe hair. All of the girls are laughing at the idea of our toes hairy, our legs hairy and our underarms! Ewwwww! C and I mention out-loud that hippies sometimes do other hippie things, but leave it at that.
I wouldn't call my friend a hippie. She is progressive. And natural. And organic. And she is convinced that she would have to own a VW Van, not just a car with a lot of room. So, she's not a hippie. Case solved.
What makes a person a hippie today? Any ideas? Still free love and long hair and mind altering substances? Is it music? Certain instruments? The VW Van? Not wearing a bra? Tie Dye? Dreadlocks? I would love to know what you think.
After today I can take myself off the hippie list, for sure. The closest I get to hippie is at Wheatland when I don't shower for three days, stand in line to tie-dye something that I will never wear, find myself toe tapping to the banjo and the fiddle, & dancing like I don't have a care in the world. I also feel the love and peace at Wheatland. So, for one weekend I am a suburban, people lovin' hippie!
Peace & Love
Me: Oh, really?
Girl: Yes, do you know what makes a person a hippie?
Me: No, not exactly. Tell me.
Girl: Well, first you have to like the Banjo (her mom plays a little). Second, you have to like Wheatland (as many of us do). Third, you have to have a car with a lot of room (uh, this is Minivan, USA!)
Me: Well, I think you are right then. Your mom qualifies!
C is off the phone and says she doesn't think she is a hippie. Together, we all come up with a few more G-rated hippie qualifiers. One attainable qualifier was mentioned - underarm hair. Evidently, according to the girls, we have plenty of time to grow it out for Wheatland. And our leg hair. And our toe hair. All of the girls are laughing at the idea of our toes hairy, our legs hairy and our underarms! Ewwwww! C and I mention out-loud that hippies sometimes do other hippie things, but leave it at that.
I wouldn't call my friend a hippie. She is progressive. And natural. And organic. And she is convinced that she would have to own a VW Van, not just a car with a lot of room. So, she's not a hippie. Case solved.
What makes a person a hippie today? Any ideas? Still free love and long hair and mind altering substances? Is it music? Certain instruments? The VW Van? Not wearing a bra? Tie Dye? Dreadlocks? I would love to know what you think.
After today I can take myself off the hippie list, for sure. The closest I get to hippie is at Wheatland when I don't shower for three days, stand in line to tie-dye something that I will never wear, find myself toe tapping to the banjo and the fiddle, & dancing like I don't have a care in the world. I also feel the love and peace at Wheatland. So, for one weekend I am a suburban, people lovin' hippie!
Peace & Love
Traits of My Men
I can't believe I am falling in love with Edward Cullen. He's a vampire. A fictional character. I am not really falling in love with him - just fantasizing. What would it be like to have a man put himself between you and any potential harm every time, and KNOW that he could win? Or be kissed passionately despite the fact that doing so made him want to drink your blood (and therefore kill you)? Or the exhiliration you would feel riding on his back while he races through the woods - carrying you like you weigh nothing? Is it just me?
It's not the author's writing style. Or the lure of vampire stories - though that adds to the 'forbidden love' feeling. It's just the all-consuming, passionate love story. We are never too old for a good love story. But, admittedly, I feel a little too old to be this smitten....
I guess I can add 'nice vegetarian vampires' to my list of fantasy men. The list that started in 2nd grade with Peter Pan and grew to include Brad Pitt, Jesus and now Vegetarian Vampires.
Before any of you go worrying about my poor husband you need to know something. My fantasies are based in my attraction to the spirit of a person.
Peter Pan did his own thing by not growing up, yet caring enough for Wendy to consider leaving Neverland. And Brad Pitt, well that attraction really came from his character in Legends of The Fall. His long hair and rebellious ways -but when he fell in love he fell hard. And Jesus - again the long hair - and the good heart, but a revolutionary. They all have supernatural powers, too, which adds the spiritual element of life that I am so fond of.
Well, I married a guy that had long hair when I met him, he is kind and gentle, but also doesn't put up with my crap, and is more rebellious (mostly adventurous) than I am in many ways. I think these stories remind me that I married a man with the qualities that I am, and always have been, attracted to.
(Kevin and I in 1994)
Friday, August 8, 2008
It's My Scandalicious Genes!
I am pulling a blogging no-no. Two posts on one day within minutes of each other. I am doing this for a few reasons:
- I might forget the story if I don't share, my short term memory is like that of a bird that keeps flying into the same window to say 'hi' to it's twin.
- It should be a short story.
- My mom is so funny, she deserves a whole post devoted to her.
So, today I was driving home from work and decided I had better call my mom to see what state my house was in. I was having certain dinner guests and they hadn't seen our house yet. Long story. It was spotless when I left it in the hands of my three kids and their wonderful sitter. I feared that during the day the kids would tear it apart, as happens most days. I felt the task of keeping the house clean too great a task for my sitter, as it is for me everyday. So, I called in reinforcements - my mom - to come check on the house towards the end of the day. So, I am driving home and I want to know the state of the house before I get there so I can mentally prepare.
Dial Mom's cell: ring ring ring ring.....
Mom: "Hello?" (giggle)
Me: "Hi Mom"
Mom: "Oh, Katie. God." (noise in the background)
Me: "What's wrong? Where are you?"
Mom: "I'm at BlahBlah Bistro. My cell phone was like a VIBRATOR! I am having dinner with NiceProper Lady and all of the sudden something started vibrating. I couldn't figure out what it was. It was my cell phone ringing on vibrate." (all said in a normal or above average speaking voice)
Me: "Uh, okay Mom. Hey I was just wondering if the house looked good when you stopped by."
Mom: "Oh, yes. The house looks great. They didn't need my help at all."....
I must tell you, I admire my mom's agility. She can go from saying vibrator to talking about vacuum's without flinching. Her friends know this about her. We, her children, know this. Soon her grandkid's will understand this. On we shall pass our genetic predisposition to talk about uncomely things in our honest and witty ways.
Oh, my dear children, I pass on a great legacy.
I'm Just a Girl in the World
So, I know I am onto something when my husband finds my blog so funny and intriguing that he looks at me as if I have changed from 'mom of three' to the 17 year old hottie I was when he met me . Kevin has taken to my blog like a teenage boy to Playboy. I could be sitting next to him in sweatpants, a oversized t-shirt, with a toothpaste 'stache and he'd still ....well, anyway. He can't seem to wrap his brain around the fact that I, the mother of his children, can be scandaliciously funny. He reads and his eyes widen, "Oh my gosh. You said 'Some Like it Dirty'! You are funny, babe".
I had posted the first two stories before I first mentioned my blog to him. I started with the name only, mostly because he seemed less than interested in actually reading it. "Scandalicious Suburbia" I said. He looked at me like I was crazy. Crazy good or crazy bad, I did not know.
"That's Hot" he said.
HUH?
"Did you think of that name?"
Uh, yeah I did, but after I thought of it, I realized that I didn't invent it. Pretty funny isn't it. It's like it's delicious to be yourself... that's where I ....
He cut me off with his "I want you" eyes. I was confused. I won't go into all of the details why he thinks it's hot. I don't understand the male brain enough to be okay with sharing where his mind jumped to. Afterall, maybe he's wierd or something. Maybe I am naive. That's all I am saying.
The title was enough for him to take interest in reading. Now he's hooked. Blogging is GREAT!, my favorite person in the world is my biggest fan and I am having fun.
He was my biggest fan until today, that is. I guess when Kevin is proud of me he does what any loving husband would do and he shares his pride in me with his peeps. Fine with me (even though his friends are probably sick of hearing what I am up to now, as it changes all of the time - another blog topic). Today I received a friend request on facebook from a woman I didn't know. I was at work and I couldn't get on facebook to try to figure out who she was. A few hours later I receive a facebook message in my email inbox from same woman. Here is a portion of the letter (which I hope she doesn't mind me sharing):
Katie,
Let me introduce myself: HI, my name is Jane Doe and I work with your hubby...He thought i would enjoy your blogging so he told me about Scandalicious Suburbia...AND I AM SO GLAD HE DID!!!!
(((((Insert: about four more lovely, positive, sweet sentences here))))
Again...I am pretty sure you are the coolest woman in Michigan!
Hope to chat with you,
Jane Doe
In the past week I have had a few committed commenters (thanks gals!) and others that have mentioned that they liked the blog. Of course, no lying, the positive feedback feels good. I feel the love, people. I do. But, I am well aware that there are many out there that won't agree with my view of the world. I may eventually get hate mail. Or my worst nightmare is that I hurt a loved one unintentionally with my stories. But people, you MUST KNOW THAT I AM WELL AWARE THAT: I am just a girl in the world. I can be serious, too. And quiet. And shy. I'm a mom of three that sometimes raises her voice. I swear, often in front of my kids. I complain about my job. I can get blue in the winter. I didn't talk to my mother-in-law for over a year. I don't always follow through on things. I have belly fat.
I want to tell you, Kevin, and Jane, and everyone that reads this blog.... I am just me, trying to live the fullest, happiest, funniest life possible. Being true to myself, and my desire to be real with you, has brought me pieces of that life. Big Lovely Pieces of a Full, Happy, Funny Life.
I am overly content with the fact that my husband is my fan, and he could have been the only one. It is humbling, and a bit hilarious, to have received the letter from Jane today. And to her I say, YOU are the coolest woman in Michigan! And while I think nervously about making them proud and continuing the fun, witty, scandalicious posts; I really want, more than anything, to be proud of myself.
So, I continue my blogging with much thanks to all of you for loving me.
I had posted the first two stories before I first mentioned my blog to him. I started with the name only, mostly because he seemed less than interested in actually reading it. "Scandalicious Suburbia" I said. He looked at me like I was crazy. Crazy good or crazy bad, I did not know.
"That's Hot" he said.
HUH?
"Did you think of that name?"
Uh, yeah I did, but after I thought of it, I realized that I didn't invent it. Pretty funny isn't it. It's like it's delicious to be yourself... that's where I ....
He cut me off with his "I want you" eyes. I was confused. I won't go into all of the details why he thinks it's hot. I don't understand the male brain enough to be okay with sharing where his mind jumped to. Afterall, maybe he's wierd or something. Maybe I am naive. That's all I am saying.
The title was enough for him to take interest in reading. Now he's hooked. Blogging is GREAT!, my favorite person in the world is my biggest fan and I am having fun.
He was my biggest fan until today, that is. I guess when Kevin is proud of me he does what any loving husband would do and he shares his pride in me with his peeps. Fine with me (even though his friends are probably sick of hearing what I am up to now, as it changes all of the time - another blog topic). Today I received a friend request on facebook from a woman I didn't know. I was at work and I couldn't get on facebook to try to figure out who she was. A few hours later I receive a facebook message in my email inbox from same woman. Here is a portion of the letter (which I hope she doesn't mind me sharing):
Katie,
Let me introduce myself: HI, my name is Jane Doe and I work with your hubby...He thought i would enjoy your blogging so he told me about Scandalicious Suburbia...AND I AM SO GLAD HE DID!!!!
(((((Insert: about four more lovely, positive, sweet sentences here))))
Again...I am pretty sure you are the coolest woman in Michigan!
Hope to chat with you,
Jane Doe
In the past week I have had a few committed commenters (thanks gals!) and others that have mentioned that they liked the blog. Of course, no lying, the positive feedback feels good. I feel the love, people. I do. But, I am well aware that there are many out there that won't agree with my view of the world. I may eventually get hate mail. Or my worst nightmare is that I hurt a loved one unintentionally with my stories. But people, you MUST KNOW THAT I AM WELL AWARE THAT: I am just a girl in the world. I can be serious, too. And quiet. And shy. I'm a mom of three that sometimes raises her voice. I swear, often in front of my kids. I complain about my job. I can get blue in the winter. I didn't talk to my mother-in-law for over a year. I don't always follow through on things. I have belly fat.
I want to tell you, Kevin, and Jane, and everyone that reads this blog.... I am just me, trying to live the fullest, happiest, funniest life possible. Being true to myself, and my desire to be real with you, has brought me pieces of that life. Big Lovely Pieces of a Full, Happy, Funny Life.
I am overly content with the fact that my husband is my fan, and he could have been the only one. It is humbling, and a bit hilarious, to have received the letter from Jane today. And to her I say, YOU are the coolest woman in Michigan! And while I think nervously about making them proud and continuing the fun, witty, scandalicious posts; I really want, more than anything, to be proud of myself.
So, I continue my blogging with much thanks to all of you for loving me.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
What's So Golden About the Golden Rule?
The Golden Rule receives a lot of attention. Parents and teachers use it to teach kids how to behave. Ministers use it to preach kindness. It is a celebrity rule among the millions of rules. We all know it. I have a love/fear relationship with it. I'll tell you why.
If you think The Golden Rule (treat others as you wish to be treated) means to always treat others nicely, with respect, with kindness, & with love at all times, then you might share the same unsettling feeling I often have. This feeling is the "I don't want to, but I guess I have to" feeling.
Your neighbor wants to bust down your door and give you the latest gossip - you might think The Golden Rule would say "don't be rude, just let her in". But your head is saying "No, I am tired and cranky and I want to be alone." The Golden Rule wins and you answer the door tired and cranky; your neighbor can tell and takes it personally. OR If someone consistently snubs you, belittles you, or gives you the cold shoulder - you may begin to be extra nice in hopes of changing their mind about you. Using the Golden Rule on them doesn't change them and you eventually become sad and resentful. Your resentment becomes the elephant in the room - you aren't being honest and you are not communicating.
The Golden Rule always works. Always. However, it often works against us until we recognize that we are not responsible for other people's happiness and they are not responsible for ours.
The flip side of The Golden Rule is this:
If you want to be honest with others, let them be honest with you.
If you want your friend to respect you, respect yourself and respect your friend.
If you want someone to communicate with you, try communicating that to them.
If you want time and space to put yourself first, allow others the time and space to put themselves first.
If you give what is easy for you to give, allow others to give what is easy for them to give.
If you want others to be nice all of the time, well, your screwed. "Nice" is subjective. Unless you can be nice all of the time, don't ask others to be.
The Golden Rule is not only about being nice, you see. It's about allowing. I see it as "Allow others to be who they are as you hope others will allow you to be who you are." The next step, and the part that really makes it Golden, is this: you allow without expectation. You can hope that others will allow you to be who you are, but you won't demand it. You will still BE WHO YOU ARE, but if others can't accept it, that isn't your problem. And without resentment, you can still give that to them. That my friends, is how the Golden Rule got it's name.
If you have time, I highly recommend this video from Byron Katie. The young girl oozes nice and kind. Watch how the Golden Rule can be flipped around on her. Applying this to my life consistently is my goal.
If you think The Golden Rule (treat others as you wish to be treated) means to always treat others nicely, with respect, with kindness, & with love at all times, then you might share the same unsettling feeling I often have. This feeling is the "I don't want to, but I guess I have to" feeling.
Your neighbor wants to bust down your door and give you the latest gossip - you might think The Golden Rule would say "don't be rude, just let her in". But your head is saying "No, I am tired and cranky and I want to be alone." The Golden Rule wins and you answer the door tired and cranky; your neighbor can tell and takes it personally. OR If someone consistently snubs you, belittles you, or gives you the cold shoulder - you may begin to be extra nice in hopes of changing their mind about you. Using the Golden Rule on them doesn't change them and you eventually become sad and resentful. Your resentment becomes the elephant in the room - you aren't being honest and you are not communicating.
The Golden Rule always works. Always. However, it often works against us until we recognize that we are not responsible for other people's happiness and they are not responsible for ours.
The flip side of The Golden Rule is this:
If you want to be honest with others, let them be honest with you.
If you want your friend to respect you, respect yourself and respect your friend.
If you want someone to communicate with you, try communicating that to them.
If you want time and space to put yourself first, allow others the time and space to put themselves first.
If you give what is easy for you to give, allow others to give what is easy for them to give.
If you want others to be nice all of the time, well, your screwed. "Nice" is subjective. Unless you can be nice all of the time, don't ask others to be.
The Golden Rule is not only about being nice, you see. It's about allowing. I see it as "Allow others to be who they are as you hope others will allow you to be who you are." The next step, and the part that really makes it Golden, is this: you allow without expectation. You can hope that others will allow you to be who you are, but you won't demand it. You will still BE WHO YOU ARE, but if others can't accept it, that isn't your problem. And without resentment, you can still give that to them. That my friends, is how the Golden Rule got it's name.
If you have time, I highly recommend this video from Byron Katie. The young girl oozes nice and kind. Watch how the Golden Rule can be flipped around on her. Applying this to my life consistently is my goal.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Some Like It Done Dirty
I am talking about the Dirty Martini. Silly goose. I like martini's, the cosmo put the fruity martini on the scene thanks to Sex & The City. Now it is a rare night at the local restaraunt/bar if you aren't handed a Martini Menu with about two dozen different martini's to try. Some add candy to the already sweet mind altering drink. Candy. Bright Colors. Alcohol. A girl's dream come true.
It wasn't until recently that I even fathomed trying a dirty martini. My sis-in-law drinks them as of late. When she ordered them, I only said "Yuck". The catch for me was the Dirty part. I don't like olives. I considered her more mature and healthy than me in the martini department. Give me the fruit and candy - you take the vegetable martini....
After two deliciously fruity-tini's at book club, though, I dared myself to try one. "Dirty Martini Please" I said. It came. I sipped. And I liked. I like the salty taste. With good vodka (yes, mine are vodka martini's - for now) all you taste is the light olivey flavor. It compares to having a payday for a candy bar instead of skittles. Both have their place on the candy rack for good reason.
Now, I am often craving a good dirty martini - extra Dirty. And I am beginning to like Olives better too. I even ate them on pizza, and ate one out of my drink. Someday I'll tell you about my transformation from a person who shudders at coffee flavored ice cream to a person who drinks my coffee black. Oh, I guess I just did.
So, I sit here at 5pm on a Wednesday night. Cooking dinner. Blogging. And drinking me a dirty martini.
Cheers!
It wasn't until recently that I even fathomed trying a dirty martini. My sis-in-law drinks them as of late. When she ordered them, I only said "Yuck". The catch for me was the Dirty part. I don't like olives. I considered her more mature and healthy than me in the martini department. Give me the fruit and candy - you take the vegetable martini....
After two deliciously fruity-tini's at book club, though, I dared myself to try one. "Dirty Martini Please" I said. It came. I sipped. And I liked. I like the salty taste. With good vodka (yes, mine are vodka martini's - for now) all you taste is the light olivey flavor. It compares to having a payday for a candy bar instead of skittles. Both have their place on the candy rack for good reason.
Now, I am often craving a good dirty martini - extra Dirty. And I am beginning to like Olives better too. I even ate them on pizza, and ate one out of my drink. Someday I'll tell you about my transformation from a person who shudders at coffee flavored ice cream to a person who drinks my coffee black. Oh, I guess I just did.
So, I sit here at 5pm on a Wednesday night. Cooking dinner. Blogging. And drinking me a dirty martini.
Cheers!
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Just Because My Mind is Open Doesn't Mean My Sex Life Is
It all started at book club. Crazy book club. Where suburban moms really let their guard down and talk about things. Like sex. And Bodily Functions. And Plastic Surgery. And Strip Clubs. And Celebrity Fantasies. Are you stunned? Intrigued?
Topic in June: Swingers. We were talking about the amazing multi-tasking, heroic, wife and mother that can find the time and energy have sex daily for years. A TV show about swingers came up. (And yes, we eventually discuss the book). Most of us had not seen the show. Moving on. Or so I thought. With eyes on me M said very seriously, "Katie, L (husband) and I thought you and Kevin were swingers when we first got to know you." Uh, WHAT? Laughter. Shocked looks. Laughter.
I begged and pleaded for an explanation as to what we had done that would give the swinger impression. M wasn't sure. She just "thought so". I was surprised but found it quite humorous. Out of all things I have considered (Brad Pitt in my bed is one) that was never on the list of things I would like to do before I die. I think most of the girls found it funny. No one else expressed their agreement that I give off a swinger vibe. Maybe they were just being shy, trying not to attract attention should I invite them over for a playdate....
I drove home that night asking another friend M (MK), "what makes a person seem like a swinger?" She said she thought couples that went to parties where they separated and mingled. And they were very friendly. Check. I go to parties. I don't have to stand next to or hang all over Kevin. I mingle. I talk to men and women. I even smile and show interest in what they have to say. Sometimes I even hug them goodbye - GASP!
July's book club came and we reminisced. Remember that time M thought Katie was a swinger?? Ha ha ha ha.... I laugh too. I do not take offense easily. Laughter at my expense is still laughter, which makes for a good night out with the girls. So we laughed about it again. Did I even think about clearing it up? No, I assumed it unnecessary. I shouldn't have assumed. A says, "Well, you never answered the question." Oh, I didn't know that I had to. So I did. No. I am not a swinger.
Three martinis later I arrive home. My wit and sarcasm were sharp. I was on fire. I jump on facebook to update my status to "Kevin and Katie are NOT swingers in case you were wondering. Stop asking.". I laughed at myself. No one, except my book club friends, would know what I was talking about. I waited. Suprisingly, my rhetoric drew only a few comments. Did everyone find this believable? Casually browsing other's status updates a day later, I noticed my name. A friend (unrelated to book club) used her status line to write "I don't believe for one second that Katie and Kevin K(full last name) are NOT swingers." Now all of her facebook friends were left wondering. Maybe they'll be calling... I was laughing the whole time. But I wasn't done wondering why I would be singled out as the swinging type.
So I turned to my friend N. In one of our email exchanges my status line came up. She mentioned that she could see how someone would think that. She went on to say she had never thought it but if she had learned about it she would not have been surprised. I knew she was the perfect person to ask why. She is always 100% honest with me and able to articulate her theories. Her answer? "I think you come off as very open. Not lewd or kinky. Just open."
Well, people THAT is why I wasn't offended. I am happy that I come off as open-minded. So now you know. If you are a swinger you are safe with me. I will not judge. I might study you so I can learn more about the personality characteristics of swingers. For now, though, my sex life is only to be shared (verbally) with book club.
No, I am sorry. We are not accepting new members at this time.
Topic in June: Swingers. We were talking about the amazing multi-tasking, heroic, wife and mother that can find the time and energy have sex daily for years. A TV show about swingers came up. (And yes, we eventually discuss the book). Most of us had not seen the show. Moving on. Or so I thought. With eyes on me M said very seriously, "Katie, L (husband) and I thought you and Kevin were swingers when we first got to know you." Uh, WHAT? Laughter. Shocked looks. Laughter.
I begged and pleaded for an explanation as to what we had done that would give the swinger impression. M wasn't sure. She just "thought so". I was surprised but found it quite humorous. Out of all things I have considered (Brad Pitt in my bed is one) that was never on the list of things I would like to do before I die. I think most of the girls found it funny. No one else expressed their agreement that I give off a swinger vibe. Maybe they were just being shy, trying not to attract attention should I invite them over for a playdate....
I drove home that night asking another friend M (MK), "what makes a person seem like a swinger?" She said she thought couples that went to parties where they separated and mingled. And they were very friendly. Check. I go to parties. I don't have to stand next to or hang all over Kevin. I mingle. I talk to men and women. I even smile and show interest in what they have to say. Sometimes I even hug them goodbye - GASP!
July's book club came and we reminisced. Remember that time M thought Katie was a swinger?? Ha ha ha ha.... I laugh too. I do not take offense easily. Laughter at my expense is still laughter, which makes for a good night out with the girls. So we laughed about it again. Did I even think about clearing it up? No, I assumed it unnecessary. I shouldn't have assumed. A says, "Well, you never answered the question." Oh, I didn't know that I had to. So I did. No. I am not a swinger.
Three martinis later I arrive home. My wit and sarcasm were sharp. I was on fire. I jump on facebook to update my status to "Kevin and Katie are NOT swingers in case you were wondering. Stop asking.". I laughed at myself. No one, except my book club friends, would know what I was talking about. I waited. Suprisingly, my rhetoric drew only a few comments. Did everyone find this believable? Casually browsing other's status updates a day later, I noticed my name. A friend (unrelated to book club) used her status line to write "I don't believe for one second that Katie and Kevin K(full last name) are NOT swingers." Now all of her facebook friends were left wondering. Maybe they'll be calling... I was laughing the whole time. But I wasn't done wondering why I would be singled out as the swinging type.
So I turned to my friend N. In one of our email exchanges my status line came up. She mentioned that she could see how someone would think that. She went on to say she had never thought it but if she had learned about it she would not have been surprised. I knew she was the perfect person to ask why. She is always 100% honest with me and able to articulate her theories. Her answer? "I think you come off as very open. Not lewd or kinky. Just open."
Well, people THAT is why I wasn't offended. I am happy that I come off as open-minded. So now you know. If you are a swinger you are safe with me. I will not judge. I might study you so I can learn more about the personality characteristics of swingers. For now, though, my sex life is only to be shared (verbally) with book club.
No, I am sorry. We are not accepting new members at this time.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I'm Spiritual But Not Religious & Nature is My Church!
How do you explain your spiritual beliefs to people that you know? I don't know the best way, so I am asking you. You see, HOW you choose to believe in God is your business, not mine. I know many people don't feel this way about how I believe in God. So I ask again, how do I explain in a concise matter the layers upon layers of beliefs that I have accumulated? Preferably, without starting a war or receiving pity in statements like "God can wait for you; I am worried about your soul; or I'll pray for you"?
I can't do it quickly, you see, and really let you know me. This post will be the first of many about spirituality. I am primarily a student of Life, God, Love. This is what I do and who I am. I need a one-liner. It must walk the line of being open to me and my intuition but just as open to you and yours.
With religion I felt that my intuition (or soul-consciousness) was being stifled to make way for man-made doctrine. As a child, I knew God innately and intimately. I saw Her when I looked out over my lake, in the trees that changed color in the fall, the small reptiles that were abundant out our front door. I felt Him support me when I swam underwater, felt alone or scared, or misunderstood. God was everywhere and loved everything and everyone, I always knew this (always is not an exaggeration :) ).
I also knew at a young age that my parents didn't care for organized religion, but I never knew WHY. Religion appealed to me because I wanted to know and talk more about God. I began to see and feel church in the every day living. When I needed God I went outside (prayer?). I saw how good my "unsaved" mom was to other people - the poor, the lame, those that could not do for themselves (service?). I felt warmness and love during holidays, when my mom entertained (which was often) and when she dropped everything for her friends in need (tradition? & fellowship?). The only thing I lacked was knowledge. I like books. I wanted to learn more about God. Who is this "man"? Who is Jesus?
I married a wonderful man raised in a church who wanted me to go with him on random Sundays in college and eventually weekly when we moved back home. I said yes to attending church. I supposed most people would be welcoming but by the time I was older I was quite aware and weary of the hypocrisy of many Christians. The closest I got to Atheism ever was a feminist rant and protest against the Maleness of God.
Attending Kevin's home church I began to know so many wonderful people. I learned to sing the songs by heart and eventually say most of the communion liturgy without looking. I also noticed my core beliefs changing about issues that I had previously been open minded about. For instance; I began to believe that a person HAS to accept Jesus to go to Heaven; living without money is more spiritual than living with money; and gay people should not get married but could still have a civil union (this is still pretty liberal, I understand, but it wasn't me - I could feel my mind closing).
Wonderfully, my mind opened in other areas it was closed. I learned about the group of people that refer to themselves as Christian. They are beautiful, fabulous people, really. They love you immediately - for being in church and being a part of their family. Guess what? I amazingly learned they are not the only hypocrites in the world! We all are or can be - and it was eye opening to see this from the "other side". They support you and take care of you when ups and downs in life happen. I am still friends with many from my church and I do feel loved by them, even now. Thanks to a member at our church, Kevin did not go jobless for long after his layoff.
Here is where I get a little skeptical, though. I don't attribute these wonderful people and relationships to CHURCH. No, the church was the building and the community that I met them in. I attribute our friendships and the love and support to God. Any religion, any denomination, any group of people can come together in common good and love their fellow human beings. God brought me to this specific church, these people, and their goodness and I am completely greatful for that. For me the details on what each denomination believes, how to say the liturgy, who can and can't go to Heaven are created by the Church, and that is the part that I can't subscribe to.
One time a very religious friend of mine was engaging me in a discussion about the sin of the gay person. I was weary to discuss it, as I am very aware that we all have our own beliefs and no one is usually ready to concede (wonder if that's why weapons get involved? LOL) She said something that struck me then as absolute truth - but she was using it in the anti-gay argument to support her claim that you are not born gay. She said "God does not make mistakes". Little did she know it totally supports my claim that being gay is not a mistake. So no matter what side of an issue you are on I know that God created each of us to be who we are in our fullest potential. If that takes you on a religious path, I am happy for you if you are happy. For me, I have come full circle. On occassion Kevin and I attend a Unity church. We moved from a house on a wonderful street because we found a house surrounded by nature in the city. Same schools, same distance to Meijer, but with nature out our back door.
I don't always know how to tell people about my "religion" and need a one-liner. Here are a few that meet my needs: My religion is love. It is being the best person I can be and seeing the best in others. It is setting boundaries for myself to give me a chance to thrive - such as saying "no" when it doesn't fit who-i-am. It is smiling to strangers. It is helping those that need help. It is hugging and loving my friends and family. It is providing a warm and loving home for my children and guests. It is giving people a second chance and sometimes a third. It is doing my very best. It is believing that Heaven is NOW not some crowning moment after I have lived in fear and hope that I am good enough. It is knowing that I am good enough. It is seeing myself in you and you in me. It is loving the beauty and magnificance of the earth. This is who we are. Isn't it Divine?
The funny thing, Katie, is that in spite of the euphoria one feels upon entering paradise, cloaked in miracles, surrounded by angels, love, and unimaginable beauty, it gradually becomes all they know, commonplace, ordinary, and then, shockingly... invisible.
Yep, I'm talking about life on earth.
Yippee Kai-Ye,
The Universe
www.tut.com
I can't do it quickly, you see, and really let you know me. This post will be the first of many about spirituality. I am primarily a student of Life, God, Love. This is what I do and who I am. I need a one-liner. It must walk the line of being open to me and my intuition but just as open to you and yours.
With religion I felt that my intuition (or soul-consciousness) was being stifled to make way for man-made doctrine. As a child, I knew God innately and intimately. I saw Her when I looked out over my lake, in the trees that changed color in the fall, the small reptiles that were abundant out our front door. I felt Him support me when I swam underwater, felt alone or scared, or misunderstood. God was everywhere and loved everything and everyone, I always knew this (always is not an exaggeration :) ).
I also knew at a young age that my parents didn't care for organized religion, but I never knew WHY. Religion appealed to me because I wanted to know and talk more about God. I began to see and feel church in the every day living. When I needed God I went outside (prayer?). I saw how good my "unsaved" mom was to other people - the poor, the lame, those that could not do for themselves (service?). I felt warmness and love during holidays, when my mom entertained (which was often) and when she dropped everything for her friends in need (tradition? & fellowship?). The only thing I lacked was knowledge. I like books. I wanted to learn more about God. Who is this "man"? Who is Jesus?
I married a wonderful man raised in a church who wanted me to go with him on random Sundays in college and eventually weekly when we moved back home. I said yes to attending church. I supposed most people would be welcoming but by the time I was older I was quite aware and weary of the hypocrisy of many Christians. The closest I got to Atheism ever was a feminist rant and protest against the Maleness of God.
Attending Kevin's home church I began to know so many wonderful people. I learned to sing the songs by heart and eventually say most of the communion liturgy without looking. I also noticed my core beliefs changing about issues that I had previously been open minded about. For instance; I began to believe that a person HAS to accept Jesus to go to Heaven; living without money is more spiritual than living with money; and gay people should not get married but could still have a civil union (this is still pretty liberal, I understand, but it wasn't me - I could feel my mind closing).
Wonderfully, my mind opened in other areas it was closed. I learned about the group of people that refer to themselves as Christian. They are beautiful, fabulous people, really. They love you immediately - for being in church and being a part of their family. Guess what? I amazingly learned they are not the only hypocrites in the world! We all are or can be - and it was eye opening to see this from the "other side". They support you and take care of you when ups and downs in life happen. I am still friends with many from my church and I do feel loved by them, even now. Thanks to a member at our church, Kevin did not go jobless for long after his layoff.
Here is where I get a little skeptical, though. I don't attribute these wonderful people and relationships to CHURCH. No, the church was the building and the community that I met them in. I attribute our friendships and the love and support to God. Any religion, any denomination, any group of people can come together in common good and love their fellow human beings. God brought me to this specific church, these people, and their goodness and I am completely greatful for that. For me the details on what each denomination believes, how to say the liturgy, who can and can't go to Heaven are created by the Church, and that is the part that I can't subscribe to.
One time a very religious friend of mine was engaging me in a discussion about the sin of the gay person. I was weary to discuss it, as I am very aware that we all have our own beliefs and no one is usually ready to concede (wonder if that's why weapons get involved? LOL) She said something that struck me then as absolute truth - but she was using it in the anti-gay argument to support her claim that you are not born gay. She said "God does not make mistakes". Little did she know it totally supports my claim that being gay is not a mistake. So no matter what side of an issue you are on I know that God created each of us to be who we are in our fullest potential. If that takes you on a religious path, I am happy for you if you are happy. For me, I have come full circle. On occassion Kevin and I attend a Unity church. We moved from a house on a wonderful street because we found a house surrounded by nature in the city. Same schools, same distance to Meijer, but with nature out our back door.
I don't always know how to tell people about my "religion" and need a one-liner. Here are a few that meet my needs: My religion is love. It is being the best person I can be and seeing the best in others. It is setting boundaries for myself to give me a chance to thrive - such as saying "no" when it doesn't fit who-i-am. It is smiling to strangers. It is helping those that need help. It is hugging and loving my friends and family. It is providing a warm and loving home for my children and guests. It is giving people a second chance and sometimes a third. It is doing my very best. It is believing that Heaven is NOW not some crowning moment after I have lived in fear and hope that I am good enough. It is knowing that I am good enough. It is seeing myself in you and you in me. It is loving the beauty and magnificance of the earth. This is who we are. Isn't it Divine?
The funny thing, Katie, is that in spite of the euphoria one feels upon entering paradise, cloaked in miracles, surrounded by angels, love, and unimaginable beauty, it gradually becomes all they know, commonplace, ordinary, and then, shockingly... invisible.
Yep, I'm talking about life on earth.
Yippee Kai-Ye,
The Universe
www.tut.com
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